A few weeks ago I was talking with a friend and she turned to me and said that she really liked reading my blog and then she told me I was a pastor – that reading my blog she saw this pastor side of me coming out. I smiled – beamed is probably more like it actually, and I sort of wanted to cry. It was a quick passing comment but it really meant a lot to me.
When I was younger I wanted to be a pastor. In fact in junior high when I was bored and had nothing to do I would write sermons. Then I was told that women shouldn’t be pastors. I struggled with it, but everyone I knew believed that women shouldn’t be in leadership in the church and I didn’t even really realize that there were good God fearing Christians out there that didn’t agree. I accepted it as an unquestionable truth – women shouldn’t lead. I didn’t like it, something in my heart fought against it, but I believed it. I still sort of do believe it – it’s hard to change beliefs like that.
I think all of that is sort of why I like blogging so much – it’s an acceptable way for me as a women to express my thoughts, to preach and teach and encourage and share and be me. I don’t often feel comfortable being me – I get scared a lot, I struggle with insecurities a lot. But when I blog I feel safe to express myself, to question things, to be creative, to preach. I have often felt like I didn’t know what my place is, what my role should be in life, in my marriage, in the church. I often feel like I don’t know who I am – or at least like who I am deep down doesn’t really fit with things people think I am or think I should be. I have often wished I was someone else; there have even been times in my life when I wished I wasn’t a woman.
Today is International Women’s Day… I spent pretty much all day with women today. I hosted a wedding shower for a good friend of mine – I never liked showers much, they always felt really uncomfortable for me. Today’s shower went well and I was really glad to be able to do it and in many ways I enjoyed it but it was still not really any different – it still felt sort of uncomfortable. After the shower I had an opportunity to go out with a few girl friends and just talk and laugh and swap stories of our lives and our marriages. It was so nice to hear the stories of these other women – it reminded me that I’m not alone. It was a pretty good way to spend a day that is supposed to be dedicated to honoring women.
Tonight I find a lot of questions bouncing around in my head. What does it really mean to be a woman? What does a woman of God REALLY look like – not just what does the church “say” a woman of God should look like… but really what should we look like as female followers of Christ? How can I freely express myself and be myself as a women of God in the community I find myself in? It’s easy for me to be authentic online when blogging, but how can I be freed up to be an authentic, powerful, graceful, beautiful, insightful women in every area of my life, the chosen and the not chosen?
I’m tired…
Rejoicing in the journey –
Beth Stedman
Photograph by Beth Stedman
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Beth Stedman. wife. mommy. daughter. friend. homemaker. sinner. believer. writer. cook. dreamer. artist. yogi. photographer. 
Maybe you should consider seeing yourself as Jesus said you will be seen in the resurrection, as neither male nor female, but as the angels in Heaven. When I consider, “Why did God make me a woman?” I think this; God has given me the gift of being a born leader. I think he made me a woman to practice learning how to FOLLOW. There is an old saying that to be a great leader, you must learn how to follow. I see it as spiritual training for the future, and boy, is it hard! Good thing God gives most of us a lifetime to get it right. As for me, I haven’t got it right yet.
I was just crying about how unfair I have been treated by so-called Christians because I am a woman…..I am determined to study to help myself as well as other woman. I have allowed others to treat me badly. I have said many times ” Greater is HE that is in me than he that is in the world.” The HE that is in me is the Holy Spirit the part of Jesus that was left behind for me to be one with him. I was just reading about how God have no respect of persons, but women get treated differently in everyday life. I do know how to submit. I don’ t believe that I am to submit to an ungodly man. A man is suppose to cover a woman. If that is the case, than how can you not value that which you are covering? I went thru the valley of the shadow of death (domestic violence to the point of possible name change and new identity). I was feeling bad about the way the ” Religious” society is. There is a lot of double standards. We have made males Gods. They are allow to commit sin in the public eyes and be forgiven. They go on with their lives. A woman on the other hand can be carry a cross(depending on what family she comes from). I believe this is of satan (divide and conquer). God gave me seeds of greatness to nuture. I am stepping out with faith to achieve my visions (Walk-a-thon, Marketing Reps for Jesus, Youth Christians Rappers, Youth Christians Drill Squads representing each church, Happy Birthdy to Jesus Parade and Happy Birthday to Jesus home celebrations starting in New Orleans and all over the world). I know these are some of the visions that satan does not want to happen. This is why he has been so hard on me. I need to be able to stand for Christ or fall for everything. Please, help me to move forward. I will pray for you. You are already victorious. You reached me. I need help with sharing my ” I see Christ in you ” vision. The highest compliment that you can give any Christian is ” I see Christ in you”. We can encourage those who are beating themselves up when they make a mistake or do not behave as a perfect being (like satan wants). I thank God for you.
My name is Robin Lovely. I live in Baton Rouge(New Orleans area), Louisiana. I have gone thru Hurricane Katrina. I want to be used to inpire others to go thru and focus on the light (Jesus).
phone# 504-912-6003.
business e-mail: trt_inspirational_designs@yahoo.com
temporary website: http://www.myspace.com\i_see_christ_n_u