Archive for July, 2009

The Giving Tree

July 31st, 2009

My husband and I both have very fond memories of reading the book The Giving Tree as children. I always thought it was a wonderful book and it was one of the first children’s books that we put on our wish list. We were very excited to receive a beautiful hard cover copy of it as a gift for our baby. So, a few nights ago I decided to open it up and read it aloud to my stomach. Ever since then I have sort of been thinking about it off and on. Something about it really bothered me when I read it the other night and it continued to bother me throughout the last few days. Today thoughts started to form around this vague bothered feeling and I want to share them here.

I’m guessing that many of you have read this book as it is a very popular children’s story, but if you haven’t here is a short recap of the story from Amazon:

“In Shel Silverstein’s popular tale of few words and simple line drawings, a tree starts out as a leafy playground, shade provider, and apple bearer for a rambunctious little boy. Making the boy happy makes the tree happy, but with time it becomes more challenging for the generous tree to meet his needs. When he asks for money, she suggests that he sell her apples. When he asks for a house, she offers her branches for lumber. When the boy is old, too old and sad to play in the tree, he asks the tree for a boat. She suggests that he cut her down to a stump so he can craft a boat out of her trunk. He unthinkingly does it. At this point in the story, the double-page spread shows a pathetic solitary stump, poignantly cut down to the heart the boy once carved into the tree as a child that said “M.E. + T.” “And then the tree was happy… but not really.” When there’s nothing left of her, the boy returns again as an old man, needing a quiet place to sit and rest. The stump offers up her services, and he sits on it. “And the tree was happy.”

Ok, so I have always thought that this story was a great example of selflessness and generous giving, but as I read it again as an adult I found a whole different story within it and it was honestly unsettling.

Let’s talk about the boy first. The little boy, who grows into an old man through the course of the story, is definitely not someone I want my son to be like. He’s selfish and an incessant consumer. He takes, and takes and takes. He knows the tree loves him and he uses that love to his own advantage to get what he wants. He has no thought for the destructive force of his actions. I do not want my son to manipulate others love for him in the way this boy did. I don’t want him to selfishly walk all over people the way this little boy did. I don’t want him to endlessly consume from others and from the natural resources around him the way this little boy did with no thought of consequences. The boy is not a character I want my son to emulate.

So, how about the tree? When I was younger I felt that the tree was the real hero in the story, the character that should be emulated. I thought the tree’s selfless giving was beautiful and fulfilling, but now I see a different story and a different side of things. It’s true the tree is selfless and giving, generous and loving and these are all characteristics that I want my son to have and strive after. But, as I read the story this time, I felt uncomfortable with the tree’s giving. It seemed unhealthy. The relationship that the tree has with the boy seems abusive and the tree seems to be victimized in the story. The tree allows herself to be walked all over and taken advantage of time and time again. As I read it I felt uncomfortable with the way that the tree enabled and sustained the little boys consumption and selfishness. I do want my son to be giving, I do want him to pour himself out on behalf of others and love others generously, but I do not want my son to become as weak as this tree and allow himself to be abused and taken advantage of like that. As I look more closely at this story I don’t think that the tree is really worthy of emulating either.

I think the story actually shows us how messed up two good things can become in a relationship. Here’s what I mean… Giving selflessly to another is incredibly beautiful and valuable. And I personally also believe that allowing ourselves to accept and receive and take from another what they freely offer us is also incredibly beautiful and valuable. Relationships need and should have both these things. We should be able to give freely and receive freely in relationships. But, I think there needs to be balance. The problem comes when the balance is lost and it becomes all giving or all taking – it’s then that the relationship can become unhealthy like that of the little boy and the tree. At least that’s what I think at this stage in my life as I read this story. Anyone else have any other thoughts on this classic children’s book??

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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Blog Redesign

July 30th, 2009

So, with the help of my wonderful husband I now have a new blog look. It’s fun and colorful, and honestly not really “me”, but I like it! It makes me think of a kids birthday party, which makes me think of the fact that in just a few short weeks I’ll be celebrating the birth to my first son. So, it makes me happy. Not sure how long it’ll last, but enjoying it for now. Hope you do too.

There are a few bugs still to work out in the side bar so be patient with that and it should all be good soon.

On a completely different note. I watched this TED video today and thought it was worth sharing. Check it out here.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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What is a Spiritual Practice Blog Series

July 29th, 2009

Christine Sine’s blog series on What is a Spiritual Practice has been going strong and there have already been a number of very interesting articles and the promise of more to come. If you haven’t been following this series, I encourage you to check it out. Here are the posts so far:

Jason Clark – Smoking to the Glory of God?

Mark Scandrette – Love-Making as a Spiritual Practice

T Freeman – The Spiritual Practice of Apologizing

Brigid Walsh – Gleaning as Spiritual Practice

Bowie Snodgrass – Grief as Spiritual Practice

Thomas Turner – Engagement as Spiritual Practice

Stan Thornburg – Making Space for the Rabbi

Gary Heard – Encountering the Stranger as Spiritual Practice and GPS Navigation as Spiritual Practice

Jason Fowler – Listening for God’s Voice in Music

Sheila Hight – Birdkeeping as Spiritual Practice

Steve Taylor – Composting as Spiritual Practice

John O’Hara – Anyone Can Cook – Spirituality in the Kitchen

Bethany Stedman – crying as a spiritual practice

Christopher Heuertz – Feeling close to God in the graveyard

Gerard Kelly – twittering as a spiritual practice

Tim Mathis – blogging as as a spiritual practice

Mary Naegeli – Writing a sermon as spiritual practice

Hannah Haui – Cultural Protocol as spiritual practice

Jamie Arpin Ricci – Pet Ownership as spiritual practice

Matt Stone – Listening to Enemies as Spiritual Practice

Dan Cooper – Washing Dishes as Spiritual Discipline

Maryellen Young – The spiritual practice of taking a shower

Christine Sine - virtual Eucharist: Is this a spiritual practice

christine Sine - Is Breathing a Spiritual Practice

I found today’s post “Smoking to the Glory of God?” to be particularly helpful to the dialogue as it reminded us that, “Everything can be a ‘spiritual practice’, but not everything is a ‘spiritual practice’.  It is the ends, the means, and the formation that takes place within our activities that determines what is ‘spiritual’.”

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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Pregnancy as a Spiritual Practice

July 26th, 2009

I’ve been surprised by how little I have written about being pregnant and my experience being pregnant. I’ve tried to process that a little and I think there are a lot of reasons for it, one reason is probably that honestly overall I haven’t enjoyed pregnancy as much as I thought I would and to write about it too much would probably mean to complain about all the aches and pains and discomforts as well as the fears and insecurities that it stirs up – no one wants to read about that right? Anyway, today though I want to write about pregnancy and share a few thoughts about pregnancy as a spiritual practice and spiritual discipline.

Let me begin by saying that though I do feel like pregnancy is a spiritual practice of sorts I don’t by any means think that pregnancy is an essential or even really an important spiritual practice. Half of the population (men) will never experience it and many women both by heart ache as well as by choice will also never experience it. For those who want to experience pregnancy but are not able to my heart truly breaks and I do not want this post in any way to rub salt in an open wound. So, please if that is your experience don’t read on if you don’t want to, and don’t hold it against me that I wrote this post.

There is so much I could say about pregnancy being a spiritual practice and experience I’m not really sure where to begin now… well, I guess I’ll just jump in…

To me pregnancy feels like a spiritual practice because it is an act which joins us with the creative life-giving God. In pregnancy we partner with God to bring forth life. I really believe that it is a profound and sacred act, an act which is both entirely temporal and physical and yet also entirely spiritual and non-temporal. I can’t really explain that, I more just feel it, so I’m going to move on to another point.

When I first learned that I was pregnant one of the first things that I felt was an overwhelming sense of being out of control. This was so different from anything I had ever experienced before that it sort of shocked me in its severity. I realized very quickly in my pregnancy that I really had no control over whether this baby lived or died, whether he developed healthily or not, whether my body would do all that it was suppose to or not. I was intimately involved in the process of daily creating and sustaining this life, but I had no conscious control over how it progressed. To me it was (and is) a strange feeling to feel so deeply connected with creating life and yet to feel so removed from it. I have never felt as completely vulnerable as I have felt since being pregnant. Vulnerable to physical pain, to heart ache, loss, and even to death (in fact I have been a little shocked by how the act of bringing forth life can be such a vivid reminder of life’s fragility and end).

This feeling of vulnerability and lack of control have brought me to look at all of life with much more awareness of my own smallness. I have realized through this experience that I am out of control and vulnerable in more areas of my life than just my pregnancy and it has called me to a deeper trust in God and his sovereignty. Through pregnancy I realize anew that there is more to life than meets the eye, there is Other and I am called into a trust relationship with that Other. Through pregnancy I realize that I can’t go at it alone and that I do ultimately control very little in my life and world. Through pregnancy I realize that it is when pain and heart ache are close to us or threaten to be close to us that we most learn to trust the ultimate love and goodness of God. Through pregnancy I learn again to let go and surrender to that which is and will be.

Pregnancy feels like a spiritual practice to me also because it is a time that forces you into waiting. You can’t rush it, you have 40 weeks of waiting and anticipating and wondering and praying. Even though there’s a lot to do to prepare, pregnancy seems like it sort of forces you to slow down and be patient. As I wait for this baby to grow, I wonder what he’s going to be like, I wonder what kind of mom I’m going to be, and in many ways every day I have to let go and wait on God. Trusting him.

Pregnancy also feels like a bit of a spiritual practice to me because it is uncomfortable. It’s not easy being pregnant. Sure it’s beautiful and fulfilling and feminine, but it’s also terribly uncomfortable and awkward. You get nauseous, your back hurts, your skin itches, you get big and your balance changes – just to mention a few. In all honesty your whole body changes. I feel like dealing with the change and discomfort can be a sort of spiritual discipline. How I handle the physical pain and discomfort of pregnancy can teach me how to handle the pain and discomfort of life in general. Can I let go of the discomfort and pain and work through it? Can I continue to live lovingly towards those around me even in the midst of discomfort? Can I let go of my selfishness enough to notice and care for another’s discomfort even amidst my own? But will I also take care of myself when needed and recognize when I am pushing myself too hard and my discomfort is a sign that I need to slow down and rest? Can I listen to what my body is trying to communicate to me? Pregnancy forces me into all these questions and these questions force me to face my own inadequacy and that inadequacy forces me back on my knees before God’s throne of grace.

There is more I could write about pregnancy and the spirituality of it, and how it has drawn me and called me to a deeper relationship with God, but honestly I’m not sure how to put the rest in words yet and I’m not even sure if what I’ve put into words so far will make sense to anyone but me. So maybe I’ll stop here.

I want to close this post by sharing with you a poem that my friend Joanna wrote and gave me at my baby shower. I think it paints a beautiful picture of pregnancy and the spiritual mystery that is present in the act of bringing forth life into the world. I think it also portrays this awe-inspiring dichotomy of it being my body and yet not only my body which brings forth this new creation.

Moonbelly

Blessed are you, womb that heals and holds
Grows and tends
Stretches and shares
The life of mine own
Blessed are you, skin that glows
Ripe and ready for the harvest fruit
Ready for the great harvest of the one within
Blessed are you, bringer of life
Passage of light
Harbinger of all things good and pure
Blessed are you, blood that nurtures, protects and provides
Blood of my blood
Flesh of my flesh
Bone of my bone
Blessed are you, one within
The indwelling indwells with you
The spirit that knows you
Knits you
Loves you
Blessed are you, my sweet gift
Honor and privilege to call you my own
And show you the great love that is mine to give away
To you

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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Floating in a Sea of Blessings

July 25th, 2009

Last night some friends here threw me a baby shower. It was small and intimate (just like I like), and so beautiful and encouraging. We had dinner together and desert of course and talked and just hung out which was really nice. But, they also planned a few really special activities for us throughout the evening.

The first was a casual and fun thing to do after dinner as we talked together. My friend Carrie had got a beautiful white baby blanket and each of the ladies present brought a piece of material to sew onto the blanket. So we had a little sewing circle and all gathered around the blanket and everyone added their contribution. It was a simple activity but to me it felt very symbolic too, especially after the other activities of the evening. Everyone’s piece of fabric was different and cut differently and even sewed on differently, just like each unique person present, but they all came together in a beautiful way. In some ways I felt like they were saying through the act that they were excited about this baby and ready to give him a little unique piece of themselves and their heart. (haha, Yes, I tend to read a lot into things)

After that we opened presents, which were each so sweet and cute. And then came what was probably my favorite part. They had a beautiful peachy colored scarf that they tied on different body parts of my body as they prayed for and over that part of my body. It might sound a little strange to others, but to me it was perfect. It meant more to me then just having them pray generally over me and my baby, because it connected with something very significant to me, my physicality. I think I’ve always been pretty kinesthetic and related to the world and God in very physical ways. I really love using my body – for a long time now I’ve realized that I experience God most when my body is doing something or connected with what my mind and heart are feeling. And because of various health issues I’ve had off and on throughout my life I’ve always been very aware of my body and the feelings and changes that go on in it. So, it felt right to me that now at a time of change when my body feels overwhelmingly different and sometimes like it’s screaming out to me and it’s all I can focus on that my friends would surround me and pray for my body. But, as well as being very connected with my body I also have a deep love for the symbolic, so I loved that in so many of the prayers and blessings for different parts of my body there was symbolism and the blessing was more deeply for that in my life which the tangible body part represented. It was truly beautiful.

All that in and of itself would have been special enough, but my friend Carrie who planned it all took it a step further and it was really the icing on the cake. She contacted some of my closest friends in the states and asked them to also write a blessing/prayer for a part of my body. So, the activity also brought to groups of dear friends in my life together in a beautiful way. I really felt like my friends from the states were present and it was such a blessing to feel surrounded by people both here and there who love me and my husband and this new baby so much. One dear friend from here who just moved back to the states actually recorded her message and it was so touching to hear her voice – I actually got a bit choked up when I first heard it – such a blessing.

But, again things didn’t end there. After the prayers they each shared some reasons why they think I will be a good mom. And again both friends from here and friends from the states shared things they saw in me that they think will make me a great mother. Each person’s was so unique and so fitting for the experiences they’d had with me, and together it really created such an encouraging picture for me to see how much my friends believe in my ability to parent. I have had my share of fears about whether or not I will be able to be a good mother to this child. At one point in my pregnancy those fears became so strong that I actually had a total crying break down and started hyperventilating. So, it really made me feel bolstered up and encouraged to hear that my friends had such confidence in me. But, it did something else for me too, it made me feel that not only did they believe in my ability to mother but they supported me. I knew these women each loved me in their own ways where ever they are at in their lives or the world at large. And I was reminded that in those days to come when I doubt again my ability to parent and the way seems unsure and difficult I have beautiful women in my life that I can turn to for encouragement, support and advice, as well as a good deal of laughter when needed.

Truly throughout the whole evening I felt completely surrounded, hemmed in on every side. It was beautiful and I am so thankful. I felt like I wasn’t just showered with love, I was overcome with it. I floated in a sea of it and I continue to float, held aloft to the Father by so many beautiful people, both those who were a part of this shower and so many others who I know also care deeply for me and my baby.

Thank you all.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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