A Random General Life Update

Well, it’s September and Love and Marriage month here on my blog is officially over – not that I won’t write about these things anymore, but the official themed month is done. This was the first time I’ve done a theme for a month and honestly it was hard for me. There were a lot of things I planned on writing about that I never got around to and there were plenty of times that I wanted to write about other things that didn’t fit with the theme.  I’m kind of glad that it’s done now and I again have freedom to write about WHATEVER.

So, today is dedicated to a little “whatever”. This is my random processing about a whole lot of things…

HEALTH

Yesterday I realized that the baby and I have been sick in one form or another (from Roseola, to food poisoning, to viruses, to bad head colds) all but about 6 days this month (and those days were pretty spread out). Literally it has been one thing after another. Usually this is a pretty good sign to me that I haven’t been listening to my body and that there are some emotional/spiritual issues I also haven’t been dealing with. Guess I should start listening…

RETURNING TO PRAGUE

We have now been back in Prague for 2 weeks – most of that time we’ve been sick. Not exactly the best way to return to a foreign country or ease our way through the culture shock. Thankfully we are finally starting to get back on Prague time and get Thaddeus to take naps and go to bed at almost normal hours… almost being the key word there. This has by far been the hardest it has ever been for me to come back to Prague. I miss the states. I miss English. I miss my family. I miss Bryan’s family. I miss all the conveniences of being in a familiar place.

FRIENDS

I’ve missed our friends here. They are what make coming back worth it. But, because we’ve been sick we haven’t seen very many people yet. Those we have seen have been so sweet though. One friend even made us a big batch of soup, which was WONDERFUL. What a blessing to not have to cook our first few days back. Then last Thursday we went over to dinner at some of our closest friends and it was just so nice to be with them and just relax with them. We need friends on this journey and I’m glad that I have the one’s I do.

MOTHERING

Lately I have sort of really hated being a mom. I mean most days this week I just feel like I’m not cut out for this. I can’t do it. It’s too much. It’s too overwhelming. It’s too constant. It’s the worst on days when Thad doesn’t sleep (which is often lately). I feel like I can’t even sit down and have a glass of water without being pulled on or screamed at. Bryan has been a lifesaver and so sweet through it all. He’s taken Thad for a little bit each day so that I can rest and get better. But, he can only do so much – he has to work too. Even with all Bryan’s help there have been multiple moments lately where I have SERIOUSLY wished that I never had a child. I know – I’m a terrible mom for even thinking these things. Like I said, I wasn’t cut out for this. I am not a natural born mama. It’s just not me.

ANIMALS

This is random, but I’ve realized more and more something else that just isn’t “me” – owning pets. I am just not an animal person. I mean I wish I was. I admire people who are. But, I’m not. I just don’t get the whole animal thing.

BLOGGING

I’ve been doing a lot of processing about the blog lately. I’ve been really struggling with what direction I want to take my blog and what type of place I want it to be. I’m realizing more and more than I’m actually not really “a blogger”. I mean I love blogging and have for years, I love writing and I do enjoy the people I meet through it. But, I’m not good at marketing my blog, I’m not consistent with my blogging, I don’t want to write in a specific theme or with a specific focus. I don’t want to spend hours upon hours a day working on my blog to make it into a business. I am realizing that I am not that kind of blogger. But, I also know that I’m not really just a personal blogger who just writes about her kids and she did that day. So, where does that put me? I’m not really sure. I guess I’m still trying to figure it out.

TWO FOR TUESDAYS BLOG HOP

Many of you who are regulars here may have noticed that I haven’t participated in/hosted Two for Tuesdays the past two weeks. I’ve been meaning to give an update on that and just keep forgetting – sorry. So, basically after much discussion and thought I’ve decided that the requirements for hosting are just too much of a commitment for me at this time. I just didn’t feel like I could do the event justice. In general I’ve been trying to weed through what aspects of blogging are really important and necessary for me and which aren’t – I have felt a little bit like blogging has started to interfere with my mothering and I don’t want that to happen. So, Two for Tuesdays was the thing that contributed most to my stress level and thus it was the thing to go. I do still love what the group is doing with it though and really like the other hosts who are involved. I do still plan on participating as a contributor whenever possible and I hope that you all will too. If you want to continue participating visit any of the hosts sites, for example, Alex at A Moderate Life.

FUTURE

I’ve felt very confused lately about the future. It looks so unclear. For so long even though the future was unclear it didn’t really bother me, I felt like I at least knew that I was where God wanted me and we would figure out the next step as it came at us. But, lately I want a plan, I want some stability. I am not 100% sure that we are where God wants us. I don’t know where He wants us to be. I feel less convinced than ever of my ability to discern that and more confused about where we should be and what we should be doing.

MARRIAGE

If you haven’t guessed from all that I’ve written already, Love and Marriage Month wasn’t exactly love and marriage month for us in real life. It was a difficult season, not an easy celebratory one. We loved each other well, and we aren’t fighting or anything, but it just feels like there’s a lot that’s been thrown at us both internally and externally lately. We’ve held hands and faced it all together, but it hasn’t left much time for turning towards each other. That’s been sad for me.

Well, that’s my random update for now. So, how are you all doing??

Rejoicing in the journey-
Bethany Stedman

If you'd like to help with medical bills or the other expenses related to Bryan's cancer or Sage's special needs click here. Thank you! We are forever so grateful to so many who have gotten us this far and continue to carry us forward. Grace and peace.

6 thoughts on “A Random General Life Update

  1. I really enjoyed your “whatever” post it is really nice to hear how you are doing. Motherhood is DEFINITELY overwhelming and it does not make you a bad mother. I once in a while think “why in the world are we having a THIRD!” I believe I thought that with the second as well. I was very overwhelmed Wesley too just because it is definitely an adjustment to caring for only yourself and now having full responsibility over someone who depends on you for everything. It is hard when you do SO much but they are too young to show any real appreciation for all that you do. Not to mention that I really had no experience with kids to begin with. Just know one day he will say “I love you mama” and will take care of you. It is definitely a journey and an experience, though one of the most exhausting mentally and physically, the most rewarding.

  2. Beth,
    every mother if they are honest has moments where they question if they are doing a good job, or even if they are cut out for the job – that’s actually a good thing, keeps us humble. But don’t let the temptor get in your head – God has a plan for your family and he will let you know what it is in His time – He also gave you that sweet baby and knew from all eternity that you would be his mother.
    Also, I am not an animal lover but I have 8 living children – so I think you can be cut out to be a mom – God given gift, and NOT supposed to be an animal owner -a choice you make.
    love and blessings to you on your journey!
    OH and NO ONE likes being on call 24/7 when they don’t feel good. Get healthy and things will seem much better!

  3. Bethany–I only have a sympathetic heart to offer and sometimes that isn’t quite enough. I know how you feel and know that when you are overwhelmed, it’s a blessing to have a husband like yours to take the baby or some of the home chores and make short order of them. Some of us are made to need more alone time and motherhood is not the best conductor of that! Work out a plan with Brian so that you get that time, and can still feel fulfilled as a mom and wife. It’s worth it. Really. And so are you. Hugs to all three of you. -t

  4. I’m just now catching up on some of your blog posts, and I particularly enjoyed this one. I find it so refreshing to hear your honest thoughts on things like motherhood and marriage. The kind of honesty most bloggers keep to themselves because they want to project a certain image to their readers. I much prefer genuineness. And the rambling thoughts of indecision and uncertainty that come with honest thinking.

    Thank you for not being afraid to share. I can’t tell you how encouraging it was for me to read this today.

    1. Lib, thank you so much for this comment – I can’t tell you how many times I went back and forth about whether to post this particular blog. I totally agree with you and I definitely prefer genuineness and authenticity in people and try to pursue it myself, but sometimes I wonder if I’m too open here on the blog. I’m glad to know that I’m not – at least not yet 😉 and that you found this post encouraging. That is very encouraging for me. Thank you!

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