Archive for February, 2011

Pregnancy Journal: Week 14

February 28th, 2011

Today I am 14 weeks pregnant and entering my second trimester! YAY! A third of the way there. So, here’s this weeks Pregnancy Journal.

Pregnancy Journal: Week 14

I am seeing… some slow progress. There is a stack of boxes that are full and taped up now and slowly cupboards are emptying and things are getting done. It still looks like a disaster, but when I look closely I can tell it’s not as bad as it was.

I am hearing… the dull sound of my husband listening to a podcast in the other room while he works, the pounding from the workshop right behind our place, the washing machine turning another load of laundry, the click of the keys as I type. Thankfully I’m not hearing my son screaming “moooom, walk! Walk!” as he pulls on my arm (he’s been doing this constantly – “walk” is his word for “come with me”). My sweet friend, Carrie, took Thaddeus outside to play for a while so I could get some stuff done. Thanks, Carrie!!

I am feeling… nauseous. I’ve felt nauseous pretty much non-stop so far this pregnancy, but there were a few days last week were it wasn’t CONSTANT, this week it’s back to a constant feeling. YUCK! I am hoping that as I move farther into my second trimester there will be some relieve, but I also know that when I was pregnant with Thaddeus I didn’t see any real relieve from the nausea until I hit third trimester.

On a less physical level, I’m feeling sort of frazzeled and disconnected right now. Keeping  all that still needs to be done in my head is taking up pretty much all my limited brain power. I try to write things down and get it out, but I still feel like there’s just so much to keep thinking and reminding myself about. That combined with “pregnancy brain” is making me feel, honestly, a bit ditzy.

I am thinking… like I said above, I’m not thinking very well lately and what I am thinking about has been pretty limited to the necessities of packing. I remember talking with a friend who recently moved and trying to talk with her about how she was feeling and how we could help her grieve well and leave well and process the move, and she said that she just couldn’t do that yet and all she could do and focus on was the details of all that needed to be done and decided. At the time I had a hard time understanding that and felt like if it was me leaving I would want to process through everything and really experience all the feelings that go along with a big move, but now that I’m the one packing up and going back to the states (at least for a long while) I completely understand what she meant.

I am thankful… for my friend and neighbor, Carrie. I’m always thankful for Carrie, but especially so this week. In what little time I have been able to process and think beyond packing I just find myself feeling so grateful for her friendship and care over the past four years. I feel so grateful for how she has opened up her life and heart to me, and for how she has so deeply loved my son, Thaddeus. It makes me really sad that we won’t be living with eachother any more and doing daily life together. But, I do also feel confident that our friendship won’t end here.

I am learning… to just take one day at a time. I don’t really have any other choice right now. When I look at what still needs to be done and think about the week ahead I get totally overwhelmed, all I can really do is look at this day and what task is right before me in this moment.

I am reading… again nothing more than the occational blog. I’m starting to get really excited about having a library again, though. I think a trip to the library might have to be one of the first things we do when we get back.

I am creating… again LOTS. I’m still on a total sewing kick. I think that the deadline of leaving has finally given me motivation to finish a bunch of projects I’ve been putting off. I’ve been making cute skirts out of old t-shirt scraps, a quiet book out of old sweater scraps, fabric necklaces out of clothing scraps, pants for Thaddeus out of clothing scraps, purses out of clothing scraps, and more. Working on these projects and dreaming them up has been a highlight of my days lately.

I am craving… PIZZA. I can’t even tell you how badly I’ve been craving pizza. Which is kind of funny because although I’ve always liked pizza, it’s never been a favorite food of mine – there are lots of other things I’ve always liked more. Too bad I’ve been reacting to pretty much everything it takes to make pizza. Oh, well, someday I’ll be able to have pizza again…

One of my favorite things right now… is the TV show Friends. I’m not exactly sure why, but watching Friends is like comfort food for me. Whenever I get stressed or overwhelmed, or a bit depressed, I just want to curl up and watch Friends. Doesn’t matter how many times I’ve seen it, I still laugh. So, almost every night this past week or so we have watched an episode of Friends (or a couple episodes). Often our friend Carrie has joined us and it has felt so good to just laugh together and forget for a few minutes about packing, and saying goodbye and all the unknowns ahead.

A few plans and intentions for this week…

  • FINISH packing – we leave a week from tomorrow so it REALLY all has to get done this week
  • Say goodbye well – honestly I’m not sure exactly how to do this right now when I feel so jumbled, but I really want to say goodbye well…
  • Walk across Charles Bridge one more time
  • Go to prenatal yoga one more time
  • Give my son some focus and attention amidst the chaos of packing – he really needs it

A prayer for the week…

Lord, God, I don’t really know what to pray right now. Would you pray for me?
In Jesus name. Amen.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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Pregnancy Journal: Week 13

February 23rd, 2011

Some of you who have been reading my blog for a while may have picked up that during my first pregnancy (and so far during this pregnancy) my writing frequency significantly declined. I think some of that is due to just not feeling well and some of it is due to some difficult external things going on at the beginning of both of these pregnancies. It’s funny because usually when I stop writing it’s when I have more on my mind that I could write about, but just can’t seem to sort through it all – maybe when I’m feeling more, my heart takes over and my analytical brain can’t seem to keep up enough to put anything into words.

But, it’s often in those moments when it’s most difficult for me to write, when I feel like writing might be most helpful. So, I’m going to try something (and if you’ve been around a while you know I often try things and ditch them, so who knows how long this will last, but I’m gonna try). Basically, I want to try and write a bit of a pregnancy journal, or day book, once a week for a while. I’m going to give myself some sentences to finish, so that there’s a clear structure and I don’t have to just start with a blank screen and see if that helps me to formulate some words out of the tangled mess that is currently in my mind and heart.

So, here goes…

Pregnancy Journal: Week 13

I am seeing… piles and piles of STUFF…everywhere!! There are half packed boxes, half packed suitcases, giveaway piles, trash, toys, and clothing literally all over the place. There are dishes on the counter and I haven’t cleaned the house in more than two weeks. I’ll admit, I’m not the tidiest person anyway, and I will never win any prizes for my housekeeping, but I don’t think it’s ever been this bad. It’s slowly driving me crazy, but until I can start clearing out boxes and getting rid of the giveaway stuff, well, I think it’s just going to have to stay the way it is.

I am hearing… silence right now and it truly is golden! Thaddeus is finally taking a nap and for one of the first times in weeks he is taking a nap without wanting to nurse CONSTANTLY, so I could actually sneak away and enjoy the silence and write.

I am feeling… tired and stressed, but purposeful and hopeful too. I have been having major insomnia and Thaddeus hasn’t been sleeping well either, so exhaustion has been a regular feeling lately. I think yesterday it really dawned on me how much we really have to do before we leave and how quickly that day is really going to come. Three weeks seems so much longer than two weeks – two weeks sort of makes me want to hyperventilate. When it comes to packing and things like this I’m not really a leave things for the last minute kind of girl, but the way that everything went down we decided to leave so last minute that there wasn’t really a choice. Anyway, it’s a bit overwhelming.

But, I am liking that I have a very clear direction for the next few weeks – I know exactly what I need to be doing each day and I like having that purposefulness, honestly, it’s something I haven’t felt in a while. I’m also feeling hopeful that I’ll start to feel better once we get to the states and that makes the stress of the leaving so quickly seem really worth it.

I am thinking… constantly about what I need to be doing next. My brain has suddenly been filled with all the mundane details of packing. But, amidst the to-do lists which are front and center of my mind there are other thoughts lingering… Thoughts about the spirituality of geography, thoughts about the past four years in Prague, thoughts about church, thoughts about God, thoughts about this new baby, thoughts about our future, thoughts about this upcoming year, thoughts about finances, thoughts about creative projects… oh, so many thoughts… and oh so many feelings to go along with each one…

I am thankful… for my husband. SOOO thankful for him! He has been amazing the past few days (he’s always amazing) but I have just felt so grateful for him as we’ve wrestled with whether or not to go back so quickly, and then as we decided to do so and began packing. He’s been so helpful, so encouraging, and so supportive. I really don’t know what I would do without him. I’ve also been so grateful for the kind of father he is – he loves Thaddeus so much and Thaddeus loves him. Bryan has been so quick to jump in and play with Thad or put him down for a nap, or just distract him for a few minutes so that I can finish packing a box, or making dinner, or just rest for a minute so that this pregnancy doesn’t totally destroy me. Really, I have the most amazing husband ever and I’m so thankful for him!!

I am learning… not much formally, but a lot more about myself, my son, and my husband – who we each are, what we each need and what we each don’t need. I feel like this season has pushed us to re-evaluate ourselves and each other a lot.

I am reading… nothing. Well, occasionally over the past few days if Bryan put’s Thaddeus to bed I’ve had short periods to skim a few favorite blogs, but that’s it.

I am creating… LOTS. On top of creating a baby and lots of piles and boxes all around the house I’ve actually been doing a fair amount of sewing lately. Seems like the absolute last thing I should be doing when I have a mile long to-do list and so much to pack, but since I need to pack up all the sewing stuff I’m trying to finish up any projects that I wanted to make this year or at least get them to the place where they are manageable enough to take to the states. I’m also trying to clean out the sewing stuff and get rid of anything that I don’t really need so that has led to finishing up a lot of half finished projects – FINALLY.

One of my favorite things right now… is coconut milk – this has become a new staple in my diet lately and a bit of an addiction. I think I might be going through a can every two days! I’ve been putting it on everything. YUM!

A few plans and intentions for this week…

  • Spend a good deal of time with friends who we will miss while we are in the states
  • Go to Melnik (an antique bazaar outside of Prague) with some friends
  • Pack, pack, pack
  • Go to prenatal yoga again
  • Gain 1 pound…

A prayer for the week…

Father of all, be in the midst of my chaos,
be present in the midst of my anxieties,
be close in the midst of my uncertainties.

Mother of all, be in the midst of my health,
be present with me and this growing child in my womb,
be close in the midst of this pregnancy.

Spirit who loves, be in the midst of my goodbyes,
be present with the friends I leave behind,
be close in the midst of each of our ever changing lives.

Jesus who intercedes, be in the midst of my half whispered prayers,
be present in the midst of my heart aches,
be close in the midst of my decisions.
In your name I pray. Amen.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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The Year Ahead

February 22nd, 2011

So, after two blog posts on the subject, I’m guessing you all know by now that we are pregnant. Yesterday marked the beginning of 13 weeks and my first trimester coming to an end. Being pregnant has radically changed our plans for this year and I thought it was about time that I filled you all in on what’s been going on.

The past two months I have had a steady decline in my health that has resulted in slightly more than an 8 pound weight loss (not a big deal for some, but sort of a big deal for me since I didn’t have any to lose to begin with AND I’m pregnant and should be gaining weight). Anyway, the short of it is that I have always struggled with allergies and food sensitivities, and although we have made a lot of progress on improving my health in the past few years, since becoming pregnant again things have really deteriorated.

Because of that we have decided to head back to the states, for a while… actually we leave Prague 2 weeks from Today. We still don’t have our schedule completely worked out, but we will be in the states from early March through the end of the year and will spend some time in Arizona, Seattle, and hopefully California as well.

I’m looking forward to being in the states so that I can see my wonderful midwife there, my chiropractor there (who has greatly improved my sensitivities and health issues in the past), and be closer to family. We have been feeling sad, though, to leave Prague so suddenly and have such a short time to say goodbye to some dear friends, but we also feel like this is really the right and wisest decision for us right now.

It has been hard to tell our friends that we are leaving so suddenly – I’ve made more than one person cry. I don’t like making my friends cry. It’s difficult when you know that the right decision for you is going to hurt people you care about. I guess life is just like that sometimes, but it really sucks.

This next two weeks will likely be crazy for us. We have to essentially pack everything up and move out of our current place, so I’ve been spending most of the past few days cleaning things out and organizing – something I used to sort of enjoy, but have been totally overwhelmed by lately. Let me just say, packing up your entire house with a toddler is NOT fun. I make piles of things to giveaway and things to keep only to find that within a matter of minutes Thad has gotten into them and mixed them up and I have to start over. I get a box packed only to have Thaddeus pull everything out of it seconds later. Yeah, it’s been a bit frustrating. Plus he’s just been so out of sorts with all the chaos and I haven’t been able to give him as much attention as normal and it’s really taking a toll on him – poor little guy.

Well, that’s where we are at right now. Not sure if there will be much time to write in the next few weeks, but I do have some posts half started so hopefully I’ll be able to finish them up and it won’t be completely silent around here. Pray for us as we pack, say goodbye, and try to re-enter life in the states for a while. We’d really appreciate your prayers and kind thoughts.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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Breakfast Prayer

February 21st, 2011

A few days ago I was sorting through some old papers and I came across a prayer I’d written about a year ago. It really spoke to me today and I thought I’d share it with you all.

Breakfast Prayer

Today we return to God and to one another
Today, we choose again to follow and obey
Today, we choose again to look for God and listen when we hear his still small voice
Today, we come to His table and ask again for his grace

Our father who art in heaven,
hallowed by thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us,
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.

This day we accept, Lord God, whatever you may bring our way.
With open hands we accept this food that has been prepared and the day that stretches out before us.
Give us strength to face every obsticale,
guidance for every discussion,
and your presence to walk with us this day.
In Jesus name. Amen

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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Quinoa Tabouli

February 15th, 2011

It’s been a long time since I posted a recipe, but this one is definitely worth sharing. Gluten-free, dairy free, vegan, light, refreshing and just plain yummy! I made it a few weeks ago and even amidst the cold and dark of winter it made me think it was summer for just a minute – and that made me super happy!

As usual this recipe doesn’t come with exact measurement but just general guidelines and recommendations – add to it as you see fit and I doubt it’ll do it much harm. Enjoy this little taste of summer amidst the cold today.

Quinoa Tabouli

Cooked Quinoa*
Chopped Parsley (roughly as much parsley as you have quinoa – in volume, not weight)
Grated Carrot (I used one large one)
Chopped bell pepper (I used a yellow one)
Baby Tomatoes, quartered (I used roughly a handful or so)
Cold Pressed Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Juice of a Lemon
Salt and pepper to taste

Mix everything together drizzle with a generous amount of olive oil and a splash of lemon juice and add salt and pepper to taste. That’s it! Enjoy!

*For cooking quinoa. I recommend that you rinse it first (it has a slightly bitter/acidic coating on it) and then soak it over night before cooking. To cook put it in a pan with enough water to just cover and cook until all the water reduces out and the quinoa is soft. For this recipe allow it to cool and then fluff it with a fork before using it in the salad.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Beth Stedman

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