I’ve been wanting to write this post for months now, but haven’t, partly because I knew it would take more time and thought energy then I really wanted to expend and partly because I was a little scared to write it. But, this week is world breastfeeding week, so it seems like the perfect time to just jump in and give voice to my experience and opinion.
I nurse uncovered. Sometimes I’m discreet, but honestly sometimes I’m not. Don’t get me wrong it’s not like I’m just walking around with “the girls” hanging out all the time, but I do choose not to use nursing covers and sometimes when an acrobatic nursing toddler comes off unexpectedly more of my breast gets exposed then I would prefer. But, over the past almost two years of nursing I’ve formed some personal and yet strong opinions about nursing uncovered. In this post I’d like to share some of those opinions.
Let me begin by saying that there are plenty of very legitimate reasons to nurse covered up. I definitely think it is a personal choice for each nursing mama and one that will be determined by each woman’s level of comfort and belief system. If being covered up helps you to feel comfortable feeding your child by all means cover up. I have no problem with women making the choice to cover up. That being said it’s not the choice that I have made for some very specific reasons.
Here are some of the reasons why I am not overly careful about covering up while nursing, even in public.
The first reason on my list has to be pure convenience. Let’s face it, pulling your shirt up or down or just unbuttoning a few buttons is WAY easier than wrestling with a nursing cover, or blanket. But this is never more true than when you are first starting to breastfeed.
When my first son was born I have to admit I was overwhelmed. The weight and responsibility of motherhood was kind of shocking to me. Amidst the waves of emotion and worry I began my journey of breastfeeding my son. Thankfully we didn’t have that much difficulty with breastfeeding and I had a lot of support around me at the beginning. But, there was one part of the breastfeeding relationship that was incredibly difficult for me and even lead to some conflict between me and the other breastfeeding (or previously breastfeeding women) I had in my support system. That area was covering up in public or at private residences were males, older women, or children, were present.
When I could actually see my breast and my sons mouth we got a great latch and our nursing relationship was quite enjoyable. But, when I had to struggle to adjust a nursing cover, hold up a blanket, line up the hole on a nursing top with my nipple, or pull up a double layered shirt to make sure that I was covered…well, let’s just say that our nursing relationship was not “enjoyable” it was frustrating. There was enough new things to be figuring out as a new mom, adding staying covered didn’t help, and often didn’t seem important enough to me to keep up amidst all the other new things I was trying to figure out. I’m sure that for some new moms covering up isn’t difficult and I’m sure that there are those who value covering up more than I did, but I’m also sure that there are others like me who found being a new mom challenging enough and didn’t want or need the added complication of figuring out how to nurse covered up while still nursing on cue and maintaining a good latch. I wish as a society we could at least allow moms of newborns more grace when it comes to exposure. Personally, I think it would help to improve some of the latch problems that so many new moms experience.
One of the strongest reasons I nurse uncovered though is that I believe in breastfeeding and I want to advocate for every woman’s right to nurse her baby whenever wherever and for every babies right to eat the best food possible wherever whenever. The more people see women nursing the more it becomes normalized in society, and the more it becomes normalized in a society the more women will choose to nurse their babies. I don’t what someone to think I’m just holding my baby when I’m nursing in public, I want them to know what I’m doing, because I want the beautiful, natural act of nursing to be a normal, accepted and welcomed act in society. As long as breastfeeding gets pushed behind closed doors and under covers it’s not going to become a normal accepted act in society.
But I don’t just nurse uncovered for the sake of the culture at large, I nurse uncovered for the sake of every future mom out there, every friend I have who doesn’t yet have children, every little girl who dreams of someday becoming a mommy. So many women today have problems breastfeeding, as Best for Babes puts it, they get stuck in the “booby traps”. I believe that one of those traps, one of the things that makes it difficult for women to nurse is that they don’t have a lot of first hand experience with nursing. I was lucky to have a sister who nursed three children before I had my first. I saw my sister nursing, and that was, for me, more helpful than all the books I read or advice I was told. But, my sister was the only women I had ever truly seen latch a baby onto the breast.
In our society we don’t grow up seeing women all around us nursing. But, breastfeeding isn’t something you learn through books, videos, and talking about it. It’s best learned through actual experience and in-person observation. When women see how their aunts, sisters, friends, and the stranger in the grocery store nurse their babies their brains assimilate that knowledge and it gives them a body knowledge that helps them when it comes time for them to nurse their own children. Here is a post that does a much better (and more scientific) job at explaining this idea. I think her comments at the end may be a little extreme, but I do strongly agree that there is value in both men and women seeing women nurse their babies in-person. Both sexes need to assimilate this knowledge for when they have their own children. Read the article for more on this thought.
These are my main reasons for choosing to nurse uncovered, but they are not all the reasons. I didn’t even mention things like babies overheating because of nursing covers in the summer time, or that eating is for us and for our infants a social activity, or the fact that I don’t know any nursling over the age of 12 months who would agree to staying covered (a nursing 1 year old can be very active). For more great reasons why nursing uncovered should be more accepted read this post over at Lactation Narration.
For now I choose to nurse uncovered, it’s what works for me and my nursling. And I encourage you to do what works for YOU and yours.
So, tell me, do you nurse covered or uncovered? Why or why not?
Rejoicing in the journey –
Bethany Stedman
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Beth Stedman. wife. mommy. daughter. friend. homemaker. sinner. believer. writer. cook. dreamer. artist. yogi. photographer. 
I completely agree with pretty much everything you said! I nursed Declan (my oldest) in public with a cover for probably about two months, at which point I decided it was easier without, and I’ve never used one since (other than an occasional muslin blanket to block the sun for the baby if necessary). Sometimes I wear a nursing tank under my shirt, but sometimes I don’t. Either way, it doesn’t stop me from nursing in public.
A few months ago, I had an interesting experience, which was the first of its kind in my nearly four years of nursing. I took Miles into the infant cry room at church, because he was being noisy, and I ended up nursing him (sans cover, of course) while I was in there. I had been chatting with other moms (women I know well), but when I started nursing, chatter stopped. Then, one mom offered me a cover. I passed. Someone offered me a blanket. I passed. Someone offered me a burp cloth to cover up with. I passed. When an elder came in to serve communion, one of the other women jumped up, blocked him at the door, and announced, “You can’t come in! A mom is nursing in here!” Usually the elders just come in to serve communion, even if someone is nursing, though they’re always covered. Finally, as I debated whether or not to say something, someone asked me, “Aren’t you uncomfortable?” I responded, “No, but I think I might be the only one who isn’t.” I ended up explaining why I don’t cover up (baby doesn’t like it, it doesn’t bother me, breasts and babies are made for each other, etc.), but I was really surprised to see such a strong reaction, especially when I was in a room that only included other nursing moms!
Joceline, thanks so much for your comment. It’s encouraging to hear that I’m not the only one who thinks this way and chooses to nurse uncovered. Thanks for sharing that story too – it’s so crazy to me that you would get that kind of response, especially from a room full of other nursing moms! WOW.
I nurse uncovered in front of female relatives and close friends. Other people I cover up for ( I guess its less of a pain FOR ME to cover up than to deal with everyone around me feeling uncomfortable or judgmental)
I am not as brave as you Bethany. But I thank you SOO much for taking a stand for breastfeeding! Women like you really do carve the way. I have lots of little girl relatives and at first I would try to cover up when they came totlling into the room where I was nursing. I didn’t want to be the one to open a barage of questions for their moms. But I then I realized I would be doing them a disservice. So curious little toddlers that they are, they saw me and my baby and my booby and asked what was going. I was so surprised that they really had no idea! I guess I thought since they had been breastfed not that many years ago they would remember and know exactly what was going on but they didn’t!! So I gladly explained to them what I was doing and what was going on. “Drinking from boobies??!!” It was a crazy concept to one lol I’m not ready to take on the world and the American culture yet, but I definitely want my family, especially my little cousins and nieces to know what breastfeeding is and how it works and that its totally natural and not something you need to be ashamed of or hide.
I am one of those “future mommies” you mentioned and I am a huge advocate for more exposure on breastfeeding.
From a social justice perspective, formula companies manipulate millions of women in developing countries into thinking that their breastmilk is not sufficient for their babies, yet not only is their tap water is not potable, they end up spending so much of what little money they have only to deprive their child of the ingredients breastmilk naturally adjusts for. Of course in the States this is not quite the issue, but I agree that the more breastfeeding is celebrated as healthy and beautiful, the better it will be for mothers and their babies alike.
Thank you for raising awareness on this issue and more power to you Beth! Also can’t wait to meet her
You have a very comprehensive post.. It is well said.. I admire your article it really makes sense.. Nursing a baby is not easy..
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I nurse uncovered. I was actually shy in the very beginning, but for all the reasons you so well described, it was easier to nurse without covering the baby. Even if I wanted to cover up, once she was about 3 months old there was no way she’d go for it. She’s 14 months now. I worry a little that my “indiscreet” nursing might turn someone off of nursing, but mostly I have enough to worry/think about that we just do our thing.
Side story: I recently tried to distract S with nursing during a Seattle City Council meeting. We were sitting in the front row & she wasn’t going for it. I really don’t want to watch the TV broadcast to see how many times my entire breast was exposed…I just don’t want to know. Now I realize that a 14 month old doesn’t need to go to meetings (we got away with it for so long…) but I still don’t cover up.
Thanks for the excellent post!
I don’t use a cover while nursing either-it’s too inconvenient and it was too hard to use when we were first getting the hang of things. We just recently took trip where I nursed uncovered in front of relatives and friends, adults and children, males and females. I nursed uncovered at 4 restaurants, a park, 2 very busy airports and 2 airplanes. I was nervous a little and I expected to have to defend myself, but if anyone even looked at me cross-ways, I didn’t notice. I think it’s important to know that everyone has negative experiences with public breastfeeding, but it’s nice to hear everone’s experience to help plan ways to deal with different scenarios
I am an uncovered nurser too! For me, I see no reason to use a cover. Both of my children would have outright refused to eat under one anyway. I was outside with my daughter last week when I went to latch her on, but she threw a fit and refused to eat. I realized that she thought her sunhat was a cover. As soon as I took it off, she latched and ate her lunch.
I whole heartedly believe that more women need to nurse openly and uncovered. There is no reason to hide nursing or make it look like you aren’t doing anything (unless you prefer a cover–personal choice). It is natural and I am appalled that it is not accepted. That’s what they’re there for after all!
**I meant to say that NOT everyone has negative public breastfeeding experiences.
Thanks for your post! I breastfeed uncovered whenever I breastfeed, wherever I breast feed. HOWEVER– if I don’t feel comfortable in public, I will use a baby sling/wrap, or I will go out to my car and sometimes put up a sheet in my window. Like one of your other comments say, I don’t like the feeling of being judged. It’s not right nor do I agree with it, but sometimes I’m fearful of being told not to do this because i’m afraid i’d flip out on that person!! Tell them HOW dare they interfere with my daughter’s nutrition.
That said, I didn’t think I would breastfeed in front of some family members, but I do and then again I don’t around others.
I think it’s mostly a personal choice for me, but I never cover up. If i’m going to breastfeed, it’s going to be out there. I have bigger boobies, and I like to make sure my daughter isn’t suffocating (though she’s good at unlatching if she does, which then would be a challenge to fix if I was covered).
Long story short, I respect your post a lot!! I breastfeed uncovered, though not always out and about. If I feel comfortable I breastfeed around others, if not, I’ll find a quiet area to do it myself. Sometimes, I just like to be alone with her too.
Breastfeeding isn’t always about nutrition. Sometimes my daughter feeds just to be quiet with mommy.
I’ve nursed three babies (currently still nursing #3) and did the whole cover thing for about 2 months. None of my kids liked the covers and it became a great game to yank the blankie off, so we just did our thing. I’ve been blessed in that I haven’t had any negative comments. I think you are completely right about normalizing nursing. After all, a grown person wouldn’t eat steak with a blanket over their head, why should my son? Thanks for such a well written piece.
My wee girl is just 12 weeks old, and I’ve never used a cover for basically all the reasons you mention! I nurse publicly and un-apologetically every time I leave my house. In front of men, women and children alike – while walking in grocery stores, eating in restaurants, and sitting in church!
I grew up around nursing women, with a mom who was a LLL leader. I want badly to extend that positive exposure I grew up with, especially to the girls and young women I know.
Of course it is probably helpful that I don’t have a bashful bone in my body, and I’m incredibly proud of my daughter and myself for her sheer existence – not to mention how I feed her!
Nobody has ever said anything negative to me about it, and the few times I’ve gotten funny looks I’ve knocked them right down with the beaming grin I’ve had most of the time since I first saw my girl’s face!
i actually bought a nursing cover for the express purpose of my dad visiting when my son was 2 months old. i just wasn’t comfortable nursing in front of my father.
that said, when i went home to visit my family when my son was 8 months….there was not a cover or blanket to be had.
and i was nursing in front of my father as well as my 14 year old brother. at that point i was able to be pretty discreet though, so it wasn’t as big a deal….those 6 months made a HUGE difference in me knowing what the hell i was doing….
and i did use a cover when i was working (i was able to bring my son to work with me for about 6 months), but i was a care provider for people with developmental disabilities. and frankly, i had worked very hard to establish boundries so my job could be successful, and i wasn’t about to throw that away.
all that being said…..i have NEVER used a cover to nurse in public. it is a gigantic pain in the balls. i have found quiet rooms to nurse in when possible….but that’s because my son has always been a distractible nurser, and it’s just easier to get him fed if there’s nothing going on.
i wish more mama’s felt comfortable to nurse without a cover, but i don’t begrudge those that use them. cover or no, a nursing baby is still a nursing baby and that is awesome.
i agree with everything in your post….thank you for sharing!
I usually nurse uncovered, but I will occasionally use my cover. It really depends on the situation. For instance, if I am a guest in someone’s home, if I believe it would make them uncomfortable, I will cover up. Yes, it is their problem if they’re uncomfortable with it, but I am a guest, and I believe as a guest I should respect their wishes. However, I don’t cover up when I have guests in my home. It is my home, and I should be able to feed my child as I wish. I have nursed uncovered in stores, restaurants, parks, the zoo, malls, church, baseball games…all kinds of places. But, there are times when I choose to use my cover. For instance, when I nurse in the wonderfully comfortable arm chair of my favorite little independent fabric store. The owner has offered that chair for nursing several times, and does not mind me nursing uncovered. But…I know some customers of hers might. The store is new and small and still in the struggling-to-stay-afloat stage. I love this store, and the woman who owns it is awesome. So, the last thing I want to do is scare off any potential customers. I want her store to grow and thrive. So, if that means covering when I nurse there, I will. Not because I’ve been asked to, but because in that situation it seems right. And since the chair is nestled among a bunch of fabrics and trimmings, it’s not like being at the zoo or the restaurant where people can just look away if they’re uncomfortable. They kinda have to look to shop. And last time I was in there, as I was nursing my son, the daughter of a customer (about 12 years old and very into babies) asked if she could watch me feed him. I said yes. So there we were, me sitting in the chair with my cover, and her in front of me, looking down the cover to watch me nurse my baby.
But in general, my son and I both prefer to nurse uncovered. And if ever confronted, I will assert my right to do so. Though in the 18 months of nursing my first son, I never received any more than a funny look when nursing him in public. Usually, I just got smiles and nods. And most recently had another mom say “you go mama!!” when I started feeding my son at the zoo
I personally usually nurse uncovered, although if I’m in a situation where I’m around a person I don’t know I’ll ask if they’re comfortable with me feeding and if they’re not (Hasn’t happened yet) I’ll cover. Reading this made me wonder why people get so uncomfortable with it, why they just can’t look away, and a theory I came up with was this – That is is biologically embedded in us to want to watch a feeding mother, not just because it is a beautiful, precious, fleeting moment, but because by watching we learn. This unresistant urge to watch a feeding mother goes against society’s views on breasts (sex objects, offensive) which then makes the viewer uncomfortable, not because its a mother feeding a baby, but because they feel shame that they don’t want to look away. I’ve been breastfeeding for 4 years now, over 2 children and I can’t resist looking. I hate how our society shames people for doing what comes naturally and for being curious when we come across something natural that we’ve never experienced. So when I feed and people look, I generally encourage it, because I want any men/ boys I’m with to see and learn and encourage any future mother of his babies, and I want women/ girls to see and learn and help others to feed if they weren’t able to themselves and to feed if they haven’t yet had children. Oh a perfect world.
I nursed covered up with my first and I didn’t have very much support. Sadly, he only nursed for 8 weeks. With my second, I was determined. I found the LLL and finally had some support. I gave up on those hot nursing covers (my kids were born in the summer in Northern California!) I am still nursing and my baby will be 16 months!
Hoooray! I couldn’t have said it better myself. Way to go, mama!
I nurse my 18 month old boys uncovered. I always have a tank of some sort on underneath my shirt because I’m less comfortable exposing my belly than a bit of breast. When we’re out and about, I try to nurse them one at a time because nursing twins results in a lot more breast peeking out than nursing just one. But, when I’m with my family (extended family, even) I just pull up my top and unclip my bra. The boys take care of the rest.
The very best part of this is that my 5 year old cousin who never even knew breastfeeding was an option is now a little lactivist. She tells me I’d better “milk those babies” when the are fussy or tired. And the rest of my family has come to see nursing as normal. Even my male cousins.
I nurse for my boys’ health and emotional well-being, but I nurse in public for my own.
I don’t cover. My daughter was super easy to nurse, and I would cover her when we nursed in public, but we didn’t go many places. With my son, we have had a super hard time, and I just can’t be bothered with one more barrier. My Sister, who has watched me nurse now two kids, was Shocked when I nursed my son at a family dinner in public. Never mind the only people in there were family, she was shocked! I was really surprised at her reaction, especially since no one would have noticed if she hadn’t freaked! Thank you so much for this post.
I will also say that if there are kids present, I make sure they know what I am doing, as I do think it is important for them to know it is an option.
For the first three months or so, my daughter didn’t mind nursing with a cover, but she’s pretty distracted right now, so it doesn’t fly with her anymore.
I’ve figured out a way to nurse uncovered without showing hardly anything, and I nursed in a restaurant the other day while out to lunch with my mom. At first, she was concerned, but once she saw how I did it, she was pretty impressed. Well, then another friend joined us (in between boobs), and this friend, after asking me if I was going to go into the bathroom to feed the baby and commenting that I “wasn’t very big for a breastfeeding mother”, was so horrified that I was going to nurse uncovered, that she held up my nursing cover as a shield to block me from the other two occupied tables in the restaurant. Well, I’m pretty sure no one noticed my breastfeeding before she joined us, but you’d better believe they were all staring at the lady holding up the bright pink nursing cover, and then everyone knew I was breastfeeding. *facepalm*
I nurse uncovered. Sometimes when in a very crowded area, I’ll use a blanket to initially get my little one latched on, but then it comes right off. I don’t cover mostly for the reasons you posted. It’s really much easier not to bother with a cover, and like you said, I want people to know what’s going on! My baby is eating
I’ve never had anyone look at me askance, and never has anyone said a thing to me about what I’m doing, other than the occasional interested kid, and I just let them know I’m feeding my baby.
I breastfeed uncovered for all the reasons you have written (beautifully!) about. But mostly I feel I am a positive, non-threatening, passive Breastfeeding Role Model for all those young girls who, like me, had never seen anyone breastfeed before they had their own child.
Thanks for your post
I do use a cover in public but not around close friends and some family members. My daughter is 6 months and I would like to nurse until she is 2. I have an excellent cover that forms a tent so I can see my breast and baby. Before I got the tent cover I was using the traditional cover that reasted right on my baby and I couldn’t see anything. I struggled with breast feeding for two months and I was so sore. In order to latch I needed to see my nipple and my daughters mouth. In the beginning I avoided going out just because breast feeding in public was to difficult. I wish I had the self esteem and comfort needed to breast feed without a cover in public. So to all the moms out there paving the way thanks!! I hope breastfeeding becomes more accepted and new moms don’t need to feel uncomfortable feeding with or without a cover. And who knows maybe if I had seen breast feeding I would not have had all the tears and blisters before learning the art of breastfeeding.
Excellent article.
I agree totally! I tried to cover at first outside of the hospital. In the hospital, no way! My space, my rules. But at home when visitors would come over, I was embaressed, not for me, but for my girlfriends with their spouses/male partners! But I learned very quickly, like 3 days, if you don’t want your husband to see, your welcome expired that day, time to go. After watching my friend surprise me and not care, not only about themselves but there spouses, I stared to beleive more in that its normal to feed uncovered! Weird for me to take so long to get to that belief when I worked in a mother/baby unit. Now, I understand the real reasons to stay uncovered, and all of your points hit every reasons of mine! Thanks for sharing this important society concept that needs to change to better our health and wellness, one nursling at a time!
Bravo! If you had taken the mumble jumble of thoughts out of my head and turned them into poetry, they would be this post! I am currently nursing my 3rd. I’ve always been 99% comfortable nursing in front of others, with just a few very odd exceptions. I used to be “modest” and cover with a burp cloth or something handy when we lived in an area where I never saw another woman nursing in public. When we moved to an area with a birth center and breastfeeding support was everywhere, I stopped being “modest”. I think it is my duty to make breastfeeding normal in my community. A lot of strangers have seen us nurse and even commented on it. So far we’ve been lucky to generally receive positive praise and so far the worst has only been embarrassed (but in no way negative) looks. Personally, I love nursing tops because I don’t have to pull my shirts up and expose my whole belly. Isn’t it funny to feel more exposed by showing your whole middle rather than a bit of breast?
Thanks for your wonderful post! I’m expecting my second and I can completely relate to being a bit overwhelmed with motherhood the first time around (especially at the beginning). I was so lucky to find a wonderful breastfeeding support group–but even there it was interesting to see who covered and who didn’t. I never did at the group and I tried it with a blanket tucked into the the shoulder of my bra strap when traveling via plane when my son was 3 month old. It was truly awkward to maneuver the baby, the latch, and the blanket covering the top of my breast–but there was a creepy guy that kept staring and he made me feel very uncomfortable. I never really asked family if it bothered them…I just fed my baby. Well, it’s great to see the number of articles and blog posts out there on this topic. It gives me great freferences to share when I nurse my second in public…uncovered!
Beth,
Thank you for this post. Too frequently I’ve seen articles and blog posts that support nursing uncovered, while really shaming those moms who are not comfortable doing so. Yours strikes a gentle and thoughtful balance, which is so needed, and refreshing.
I love your line that you “wish as a society we could at least allow moms of newborns more grace when it comes to exposure.” “Grace” is a word I haven’t heard applied in this context before, but I think it’s pitch perfect for what we, as nursing moms, all want and need.
I’ve shared a link to your post on our site’s Facebook page.
And here’s my story about nursing in public, which led me to create a site and community which helps support moms in just this area of their lives.
Carrie
Motherhood is full of challenges: Finding a place to breastfeed shouldn’t be one of them. http://www.you can breastfeedhere.com
Beautifully written! Thank you for putting out there how many of us nursing moms feel. In the past 3 years, and after finally successfully breastfeeding my 3rd and 4th children past a month each, I have found that the reason I wasn’t successful with my first two was due to (1) peer pressure to not do it in public and (2) no support. I am now a firm supporter of breastfeeding rights for moms and babies anytime, anywhere, anyhow! I refuse to cover up. With my 3rd baby, I tried the first few times to cover up, but then a friend said, look, just nurse your baby without covering and I’ll take a picture to show you what it looks like. And honestly, if you looked, sure you could tell I was breastfeeding, but if you were just passing by, you didn’t see any skin and it wouldn’t be immodest in any way. From that day forward, the covers went out the window and I’ve nursed in a million different places uncovered since, including church and any place with men. I’m not an ‘exhibitionist’ as some like to call those who do that, but rather an advocate for the right of my baby to eat. We don’t ask people to go hide in the bathroom to eat or to cover up, and there’s no reason for my baby to have to do that either.
Thanks for this post and I hope you continue to feel supported and comfortable with your decision to breastfeed uncovered!!
You are SO right about the difficulties a nursing cover can cause for a mom and newborn regarding latching. I tried to use a nursing cover a few times in restaurants when my daughter was tiny and I was still helping her latch on each time. But it was just cumbersome and too hot for both of us. As we got better at nursing I gained more confidence and didn’t feel so exposed when we were out nursing. I wear nursing tanks under my tops so I really don’t any skin, but you can certainly tell my daughter is nursing. Especially since she is now nine months old and one of those active nursers. What does make me uncomfortable (or more like mad/sad) is when I go to nurse my daughter and people look away, or get up and leave the room. This is motherhood as nature intended, it shouldn’t be something shameful or embarrassing. Great blog post. Really enjoyed.
I am a grandmother now, nursed all four of my babies, and my daughter is now wrestling with this issue. I usually had to disappear or nurse covered back when I was nursing–and it was always a hassle.
That being said, I also know there are some folks who will not accept a nursing mother with grace and tried to be conscious of those who were made uncomfortable by the sight. Foolish though I thought them to be, I also didn’t want the stress of stares and mutters, so I found ways to be as discreet as possible in those circumstances.
It’s a hard line. After all, breasts aren’t headlights, nor are they toys for men to covet. Their job is to provide nourishment for babies. I wish we’d come further in educating people, but I applaud nursing moms today, especially those of you who continue to hold your line, despite the crazies.
Much love from an older mom to you younger ones. Breast is best, and with patient effort, someday our culture will stop being so difficult about something natural and necessary!
I do both. When my daughter was a newborn, I found it considerably easier to nurse with a cover. It had a big bendy thing so I could look down at her, and at that time nursing was a boob completely out, both hands holding on latch on latch off for 45 minute affair. I used the cover when we were in public or if I was around someone I felt uncomfortable nursing in front of (like my FIL). Now, she’s one, and I just really don’t care anymore. Its too hot, its easier, she can pretty much do it all herself, and she will fight like a Tasmanian devil to get that cover off. I most often nurse in public in my ergo, just because she is so heavy nowadays if I’m walking its the easiest. I think that all mothers should be able to nurse how they feel comfortable. Thankfully I’ve never had a negative comment, and I think my favorite nursing in public moment was when I was walking with my daughter in my arms in a cradle position eating. I had just pulled up my shirt and was nursing, and a young teenage couple walked by. The girl said “Aww, look at the baby sleeping” and the boy said “I think its nursing” and I could see her turn and look at me and she said ” Wow. While she’s walking. How does she do that” I thought it was hilarious, and now there is a young woman out there who knows you can walk around an outdoor shopping mall and nurse at the same time.
I nurse covered unless its just girls i am close with or my husband. Guys get uncomfortable and shoot, they even sometimes get a little uncomfortable even when I am covered!! For me it is out of respect for others because I would rather throw on my hooter hider than put a man in an uncomfortable spot. When I was just starting with my first baby though i really wished that our culture didn’t have the norms that is has regarding breastfeeding and I longed to just bust that boob out no matter who was around since it was so difficult to nurse anyway. I LOVE that a lot of places have nursing areas… our town’s street fair had a private nursing booth, church had a nursing area, places like babies r us have their little nursing lounge…I loved these safe havens where I could nurse without feeling worried about covering up. I wish more of these existed… ESPECIALLY at walmart!! No wonder so many people end up bottle feeding when it can be so hard an inconvenient to nurse when you need to get some shopping done. These days I have no prob nursing covered cuz i have it down so well.
I nurse uncovered in part because it’s far more convenient, but also because I consider it a public service to normalize nursing in public for others. Hiding it from people will NEVER make it socially acceptable–it must be seen, it must be common, it must simply be part of life.
With my first, I tried to use a blanket most of the time, or go somewhere away from people. I felt like I “should” cover because my SIL always had.
Then I got over it. lol.
I’m nursing my third baby now (in tandem with #1 and #2, now 3.5 and 2 YOs). Last night I was chasing older kids around the church while nursing the newborn. It didn’t occur to me until I was almost done that perhaps people might not like it — I know I caught a few curious glances from pre-teen boys and I did try to be discreet. But I’m sure it was obvious I was feeding my baby. Really? People do need to get used to it. There are stories almost everyday about some woman getting kicked out of a restaurant or other public place for legally nursing there — so until that stops we must just keep nursing in public (whether you choose to cover or not). I don’t even bother to cover in front of my parents or ILs anymore, and in front of my nursing friends? Uh…I’m not that discreet, LOL.
Once I was nursing my son (my second baby) in a church small group. I was being very discreet and occasionally used a “modified cover” — that is, a blanket across my baby’s back, but not over his head, just to kind of help hide it. I got pulled aside and told that nursing in front of the men was not appropriate because even if they couldn’t see anything, they could “imagine” what I was doing and this might tempt them (while sitting with their wives and doing a Bible study!). I was to be in a separate room either alone or only with other women. This was said to me by a breastfeeding mother, whose own mother had been an LLL leader for years. Really? I still shake my head when I think of this.
Love this, Mary! I nurse covered and uncovered depending on situation and you are so right, the more people see it the more they will become comfortable with it and value the beauty taking place. Those boobies are not shameful, they are doing exactly what God intended them to. Thanks for the support! You’re always an inspirational leader.
I totally agree with you. I made myself a nursing cover with my first daughter, but after a while stopped using it as it was just awkward (as you describe…). I haven’t even used it with my second daughter. Mostly it’s convenience; I can nurse pretty discretely now and my daughter throws off blankets if I do try to cover her up. I figure people can look elsewhere if they don’t like it. One of my friends posted on her FB status, “So I was sitting in the bathroom eating a sandwich and thinking… what, you don’t like me eating in the bathroom? Then why do you suggest I nurse my baby there?” It is nice that some malls have “mom’s rooms” for moms, but at the same time, as you say, nursing is a social activity… I’d really prefer to stay with my friends (visiting or shopping or whatever) than go hide away in a room somewhere.
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I have nursed with a cover for five nursing years, unless with my husband or children. I could have learned to nurse discreetly, but a cover makes it discreet as well. It worked for me, and yet I am also proud of you.
This is awesome. Thank you so much for writing it, I feel like I should print it out, keep it in my diaper bag, and hand it to anyone who questions me!
In our family, it runs to the roots my mom, grandma, aunts do breastfeed their children as it was advised by doctor.
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I respect those of you who don’t mind uncovering while you breastfeed, but please in turn respect those who do not feel comfortable showing their boobs. Yes, God intended for us to breastfeed our babies, but you need to know that the breast is also for our husbands enjoyment. Please stop condemning young women who use a breast cover. Anyway, who wants their Dad or FIL to see their boob while they breastfeed? For those of you who are modest, let me reassure you that it is totally okay and totally legal. Don’t listen to the other women who try to make you feel you are wrong. Besides the Bible likes for women to be modest.
Jean, I am so sorry if you felt this post or any of the comments here were condemning women who nurse covered. That was definitely not my intention (and I don’t think it was the intention of other commenters either). I think it is every nursing mothers choice whether or not to cover up and am totally fine with people choosing to nurse covered, but I want it to really be their choice – a choice they make for their own comfort and believe system – and not a choice they are pressured into by society. I didn’t want to nurse covered, but I have no problem with other women choosing to nurse covered. I do however have a problem with a society that doesnt let women make that choice themselves and instead kicks them out of public places, shuns them to bathrooms, and pressures them into feeling that there breasts are only sexual and should always be fully covered. I don’t agree with that. I think it’s fine if women want to nurse covered up, and i definitely don’t want to pressure women into nursing uncovered if they don’t want to, but I do want to free women up to know that it’ ok for them to nurse uncovered if thats what they are more comfortable with.
I was raised in an ultra-modest home. We didn’t talk about anything related to sexuality (unless to the negative aspects) and I never saw anyone openly nursing a baby until I was probably 17 years old. Even then, it was an awkward moment & I thought it was slightly weird to be so open about nursing. Fast forward 10 years & I had my own baby. I was so “modest” that the nurses had to tape up my hospital gown & nursing with all my friends & family was a nightmare! Due to in a hurry hospital nurses I was learning to breastfeed a newborn with a nipple shield. Can you say “nightmare”? Imagine putting a blanket on, then putting on a shield & then getting your baby to latch properly. Its a miracle that I succeded at nursing. Now, I nurse uncovered (without a shield), though for the most part, I find a secluded place because its less stressful for me & baby. But I really think its sad that its seen as such a cultural “no, no”. Women can bare their breasts on tv or at the local strip club but they can’t show a tiny amount of cleavage to nurture & feed their children like God intented. Yes, he created our breasts as both sexual & practical, but in my opinion it is very hard to look at breastfeeding as a sexual thing. I can’t imagine that too many men are just overcome with desire if they see a woman (who isn’t their wife) breastfeeding. If it bothers someone, look away!