First week back in Prague... Dreaming...
We have now been back in Prague for a week. The week has been busy – in fact I think we have had something going on every night except one this week. We have gotten to spend time with and reconnect with a number of friends here in Prague and meet some new people as well. We have completely unpacked and we have begun to do some re-organizing of our place here (a bit of a spring cleaning I guess you could say). The week has been filled with emotion for me – mostly with a deep emotion of relief, a deep sigh of calm, and a deep acceptance of peace. I am more convinced than ever that Prague is where we are suppose to be and I have come back anxious to re-start our lives here.
That conviction and desire has made this first week back to be a week filled with visions and dreams for the future and for our life here. I think that I’ve always been fairly creative and a visionary of sorts and I’ve always had these ideas that came to me as if from now where, some small and some big. But, in the last few years I’ve had fewer dreams, fewer visions and fewer ideas and those that did come to me where always quickly put aside as impractical, unrealistic, or impossible. The only ideas I have let myself pursue over the past few years have been the very small and manageable ones. I have been an incredibly pessimistic idealist for quite some time now, causing most of my real dreams to quickly be squashed and killed.
But, lately I have felt a renewed optimism, or maybe just a renewed courage to actually step out and pursue some of my ideas and dreams. I think I owe a lot of this to the support of some new friends and also to the comfort and courage gained from feeling like I am where I’m supposed to be. It’s an exciting combination.
But, I still feel scared. What if my visions and ideas aren’t received well, what if people misunderstand them, or think they are stupid, what if they just don’t work and fail, what if they aren’t what God really wants from me right now and I’m just running ahead of him… These questions still bounce around in my head. But, for now at least they no longer stop me in my tracks. It’s like God has whispered freedom into my soul. I don’t know if all of my dreams and visions and ideas for our life in Prague or even for our life this next year will work out (or even happen). But, I’m starting to feel like I’m willing to try. I’m starting to think that there might be something beautiful just in stepping out in faith and sharing myself and my ideas with others even if nothing comes of those ideas.
It’s been raining again in Prague today.
Lord, may your strong rains wash away that which is not of you from my life, and may your gentle rains water and cause to grow that which is of you.
Rejoicing in the journey - Beth Stedman
Photograph by Beth Stedman