Peace and Stirrings...
The last few days have been interesting.
I feel really good about the whole job thing and don’t really feel at all worried or stressed about it. I can really see God’s hand in our lives in the last few weeks and days. I really know and feel that we are exactly where He wants us to be and that He will provide for us. This is very unlike me – I’m usually sort of a worry wart and have a very difficult time trusting God.
It’s strange though because there have been a lot of things that have happened lately that could discourage me and even make me question what we are doing in Prague and if we are suppose to be here and when I think about the events I feel like I should start asking questions about whether or not we really should be here. But, when I ask myself and God the difficult questions of where to go from here and what Bryan and I should be doing. I always come away feeling very convinced that we are suppose to be in Prague. Circumstantially it looks like God’s closing doors, but that’s not at all how I feel. In a weird way the things that have happened over the last few weeks (visas, job loss, etc) have only made me more convinced that Prague is where we are suppose to be and that this is where God wants us. And I don’t feel like it’s just me fighting against a wall – I don’t feel like I just want to be in Prague so I’m closed off and not listening. I really feel like I’ve been listening to God better lately then ever in my life and I still feel really convinced that right here, in Prague, even amidst all these situations, is exactly where He wants us.
Amid that peace though I have also felt a sort of restlessness lately – a flightiness even. I have almost constant butterflies in my stomach. I haven’t been sleeping well. I can’t sit still for long. It’s sort of an anxious excitement type feeling that won’t seem to go away. I feel like God really is doing something and setting us up for something, but I’m not sure what and that makes me excited and nervous all at once.
“Lord help me now to unclutter my life, to organize myself in the direction of simplicity. Lord, teach me to listen to my heart; teach me to welcome change, instead of fearing it. Lord, I give You these stirrings inside me, I give You my discontent, I give You my doubt, I give you my despair, I give You all the longings I hold inside. Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth; to listen seriously and follow where they lead trough the breathtaking empty space of an open door.” Amen.
Rejoicing in the journey - Beth Stedman