Moving To Seattle
It's time. It's official. I've hesitated to write about it because once I write about it then it's really official. And honestly, I've sort of wanted to keep our options open, or at least not commit to anything. But, we've bought plan tickets, we are looking at houses to rent, I think I'm locked in now ;) so, here's our plan for the future - or at least for the coming year (I really do have a hard time using definite statements about the future - guess I've seen so many people's plans change and had my own change so much in the past few years that I just can't commit to the future, cause really who knows what will happen)... But, here's what we are planning... We will be in Arizona through thanksgiving and will then fly up to Seattle November 30th at which point we will hopefully quickly move into our own place and plan on living in the Seattle area for a while.
When we first came back to the states I wrote about why I felt ready to move back and some questions I wanted to work through as we tried to decide where to live. I feel so disconnected from those posts now. I think i still feel some of the reasons why i wanted to come back to the states, but in the past few months I've also felt some reverse culture shock, some changing of hopes and expectations, and some "homesickness" for Prague. I still feel like this is where we are suppose to be and that it was still a good decision to leave Prague, but I don't feel some of the raw hurt I felt towards Prague anymore, or some of the intense hope I felt about being back in the states.
I also feel like when it came down to it we didn't really work through the questions I posted before. When it came down to it we didn't have the luxury of making the decision with that kind of conscious self evaluation.
One thing Bryan and I really value is intentionality. We want to live intentionally, we don't want to just go through the motions, or do things because that's the way everyone else is doing them or because it's what we always thought we'd do. We want to make decisions with open eyes, questioning ourselves. We don't want to decide on something just because it's the fall back option, or just because it's easy, or just because we don't have a better option. That being said, I've learned something as we've tried to decide where we will be living - there's a place for choosing something because it's easy, instead of ideal.
I feel like moving up to Seattle was the only really logical choice right now. It doesn't feel ideal to me, but it feels like the obvious choice. Honestly, I've had a bit of a hard time with the decision, and have had to grieve over it.
Seattle never fully felt like home to me before and it still doesn't.
But, today I'm feeling hopeful. Hopeful that Bryan and I can really reconnect with old friends up there and build a new community for ourselves as well. Hopeful that our children can develop closer relationships with their grandparents and aunt and uncle (and other extended family) up there. Hopeful that we can rediscover church up there. Hopeful that being there will benefit Bryan's career and expand his skills. And over all hopeful that it will be a good place for us to be during this very unique stage of life that is dominated by young children.
Like I said at the beginning of this post, I have NO idea what the future will hold for us. I have no idea if we will be in Seattle for one year or fifty. Honestly, I'm trying not to think about it. What I do know is that it is the clear next step for us and I really want to make the best out of it that I can.
Rejoicing in the journey - Bethany Stedman