Ports, Ulcers, Broken Phones and Gratitude

I'm sitting in a hospital waiting for my husband to come out of surgery. They are putting a port into his chest so that they can pump drugs directly into his veins. It's a minor surgery, but its one more reminder that my husband is not well. One more reminder that his body is fighting a deadly disease. Just before coming here I learned the mysterious cause of the stomach pain I've been having - an ulcer caused by a bacteria called H. pylor.

I sit here thinking through the long list of things I still need to move to our new house (did I mention to you all that we moved this weekend?) and staring at the cracked screen on my phone, which I haven't had time to fix.

I haven't slept in days. My daughter fusses in the stroller and I am reminded how little she has eaten today. Will she ever start eating? Will she ever put on weight? Maybe we should just go get a G-tube for her and stop trying to fight that battle ourselves.

I feel overwhelmed with the list of things that are piled against us. A list that just seems to get longer every day. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. I twist in my seat as the pain in my stomach worsens and I do both - laughing and crying to myself in the near empty waiting room.

I open my phone and find this post still open and unread. I read it and am reminded of the message I myself have proclaimed so many times - a message that is easy to lose site of:

Yes, my road is hard. Perhaps yours is too. But, there are blessings on these hard roads. There are always things to be grateful for.

So today I'm choosing gratitude.

I'm grateful we found out about the ulcer and can treat it. I'm grateful that Bryan has options to try and a variety of treatments still to pursue, even if they mean ports and drugs and illness. I'm grateful for my parents and all the help they daily pour out on us. I'm grateful Bryan's parents and that we got to spend the weekend with them. I'm grateful for warm days filled with sunshine. I'm grateful for my daughters smile flashed big at me, melting my heart no matter how much she kept me awake in the night. I'm thankful for the growth we have begun to see in my little boy, the child that makes me laugh and surprises me with his constant learning. I'm grateful for a school we love and a teacher who cares. I'm grateful that no matter what comes, we never walk this road alone.

Rejoicing in the journey, Bethany

MelanomaBethany Stedman