Archive for the ‘church and worship’ Category

Why Go to Church?

December 8th, 2010

How bad is it if we just stop going to church all together for a season?

I mean in the past year we’ve made it to church about once or twice a month anyway, is that really enough to say that we go to a particular church? I mean I’m quite certain that the majority of the people at our current church don’t really think of us as “part” of the church, and maybe they shouldn’t with as sporadic as our attendance has been. Honestly, I think it took over a year of attendance for ME to start thinking of us as “part” of the church and even then we often wondered if it was really the right place for us.

It wasn’t always like this. The church we were at before this we only ever missed when we were out of town or very sick. I wanted to be there. I felt welcomed and involved there. I felt like it was a place where I could truly bring my gifts and my ideas and my questions and I loved that. Sure there were some Sundays when I dragged my feet getting out the door, but I felt like if I wasn’t there people would miss me and wonder about me and I always knew that in the end I would be glad I’d gone.

Lately it hasn’t been like that. Some of it is because we are at a different church and I’ve never felt like there was really a place for me at this new church or like my voice would be valued there. Not that we didn’t have friends there, in fact we do have a few wonderful friends at our current church, friends who I love and who love us well. But, I never felt much connection with the church leadership as a whole, or the church structure, style, and at times world view. I did however feel like it was the best place for us in this season especially since many of the people who we thought of as family went there.

Some of our irregular attendance was due to nothing more than a change in life situation. Having a child gave me a whole new outlook on church. Honestly, going to church with a child is often more headache than it’s worth. I’d heard people say things about how difficult it was to go to church with children, but I never fully understood this until having a child myself. Getting out the door is always difficult with a child and for some reason seems more difficult when we are going to church. Once we got to church there was the struggle to keep our son contained and quiet until it was time for him to go to the nursery. Then there is the nursery time…Often for me, since I didn’t want to leave my son in the nursery, church ended up feeling like a glorified play date.

By the time all this is done the value of going to church could be redeemed by a quality time connecting with friends, but I’ve always felt sort of awkward by the after church socializing time. Usually I feel unsure who to talk to even when I have good friends there. Plus, by now it’s late and Thad is hungry and tired and generally out of sorts, so we rush home. What is the value in any of that? Most weeks it just feels easier and more rewarding to stay home, have a nice meal together as a family, and maybe read or watch a movie together.

But even with all this I was starting to feel more inspired to go to church. I was starting to feel like maybe it was worth it… for the relationship. I was starting to feel slightly more connected at our new church and was making some new friends there, and then this happened… and now I find myself wondering yet again if there really is any value in going to church? When church leaders put their own comfort above the needs of the church as a whole? When you have a young child and aren’t really able to enter into church fully? When you’re sometimes awkward and shy and have a difficult time connecting with people in church settings? When you don’t fit the typical Christian mold and have questions that you don’t feel would be welcomed there? When you have talents and gifts that don’t fit into the very few, very limited ways that people are asked to “serve” in the church (or the ways women are asked to serve in the church)? Am I being selfish? Does it really matter all that much, how bad would it be if we just stopped going? Is it worth looking for another church when the problems I have going to church will probably be an issue at any church? Am I giving up too soon? Do I need to stay and call the church to something more? Perhaps the value is simply in staying amidst the uncomfortable?

These are questions I’m struggling with right now…

What do you think? Do you go to church, if so what has your experience with church been? If you’re a mom how do you find value in going to church with young children?

More to come tomorrow…

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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The Bride of Christ…Kind of a Bitch

December 6th, 2010

I realize the older I get that the broken places of my life and the broken places of others lives stick out and we are bound to cut each other up. Our brokenness and hurts don’t just affect us, they lead us, they guide us, they cause us to make decisions that then brake and hurt others. We have recently found ourselves once again in a church situation where the sharp shards of all of our broken places are evident and people are getting cut.

Recently some of our closest friends in the world, people we call family, were fired from the mission’s team they have been working on for the past three years. This team was building a church and the team leader, who is the senior pastor, decided that our friends could no longer be a part of the team. The missions organization they are with said that even though they love our friends and would welcome them on any number of other teams, they need to support the team leader in Prague on this decision and in order to stay with the mission our friends need to honor that and leave Prague. It has been devastating for Bryan and me and for so many others who have been blessed by our dear friends.

Honestly though, I can understand the decision. Our friends are passionate, insightful people. They are authentic people who aren’t afraid to speak their minds. They value speaking truth, challenging one another and being challenged themselves. They are creative and artistic, intense, spontaneous, radically generous and intentionally communal. They love people well and people love them for it. They are deeply attractive. I can completely understand how a leader would have a difficult time “reigning them in”. I can completely understand how a leader could even feel threatened by them. I can completely understand how their gifts and the things I love them for could wound and hurt a leader. I can understand how their being gone would make life easier for the leader. But, I cannot at all understand how their being gone could benefit the church as a whole.

Honestly, I am not angry with the pastor. I can understand the decision, but I don’t agree with his decision.

This decision really makes me sad.  It makes me sad that it was a decision made only with the council of outsiders and no one in the church or who would consider the church home was consulted on it. It makes me sad that so many people in the church are upset about it and some (us included) aren’t sure if we can stay there after this. It makes me sad that one person in the church has that much power to wound so many people.  It makes me sad how sudden this has been, and how it came at a time when our friends truly thought that some reconciliation and growth was happening in their relationship with this leader. I am sad for the church and for all that they will miss out on by loosing this wonderful family.

I fully believe that this change is going to be good for my friends in the long run. It will result in them being freed up to openly be the people God made them to be and pursue the purposes he’s placed on their hearts, which will be good not only for them but for the Kingdom of God at large. But, I’m sad for how it all came about.

Honestly, though, the whole thing has mostly just made me feel apathetic about church again. Something like this would have made me angry a few years ago. I used to be incredibly passionate about church and how church “could” be and “should” be. Now I’ve just sort of resigned myself to the fact that this is just how it is. We are just broken people rubbing up against other broken people. Like it or not church is an institution and that means that it makes decisions like an institution – it hires and fires people, it makes choices based on its own survival and numbers, it prioritizes and marginalizes. It’s just how it is. I shrug my shoulders and think to myself about the wider global church (not just this local church)…

Of course the church acts like the world.
Of course the church is fake and it’s easy for the broken hearted to remain broken hearted and unknown.
Of course the church marginalizes women.
Of course the church isn’t a place where prostitutes, gypsies, and homeless feel welcomed and provided for.
Of course the church isn’t a place where the hungry are fed, the naked clothed and the sick made well.
Of course the church segregates age groups and separates the children from the adults.
Of course the church gives the same sermons over and over again just in different ways.
Of course the church makes everything about knowledge instead of about love.
Of course the church doesn’t put into practice the upside down radical kingdom of Jesus.
Of course the church waters down the gospel.
Of course the church treats each other like dirt at times instead of taking care of each other.
Of course the church acts like a business instead of a family.
Of course the church cares more about numbers than disciples.
Of course the church fires someone even when the person is blessing and supporting many of the churches members.
Of course the church judges instead of redeems, separates instead of unities, constricts people instead of breathing freedom.
Of course the church doesn’t act like Jesus… She may be the bride of Christ, but she’s also kind of a bitch sometimes.

I shrug my shoulders and say, “Is it really worth it?” What’s the point? Is it worth finding another church when the problems in the church are epidemic? How bad would it really be if we just stopped going to church for a while? How much of the problems in the church are really my own fault? Do I just make excuses instead of trying to change things? Or am I apathetic because I’ve tried to change things, but failed? Maybe it’s ok for church to be an institution and to function in these broken ways, because like it or not we are still broken? Maybe what I think of as church isn’t church at all and I need to change my paradigm?

Lord, change my heart. Work in me to displace my apathy with hope, to soften what anger I may have into faith, and to replace my sadness with love. Show me what error may be in MY ways, and MY thoughts, and lead me into the way everlasting. Amen.

Stay tuned for more of my current thoughts on church and church attendance later this week…

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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Approved…

October 29th, 2008

I have some good news for you all…

You see, as a few of you know, I applied to join Christian Associates International’s church planting team here in Prague a little while back. And on Sunday I was officially approved and accepted onto the team.

This process of applying and being approved has, itself, been filled with a lot of back and forth in my heart. I have already had to work through a lot of fear and self doubt, but because I have faced those fears and doubts and uncertainties I can now say with full clarity that joining this team is exactly what God is calling me to at this stage in my life. I have no doubt now that He wants me here, at this time with this group of people. And that He has a purpose and place for me on this team that he has been preparing for me (even if that purpose and place still seems a little vague).

I will write more about Christian associates and this church and what my specific role on the team will be later, but for now it’s enough to just tell you that I have been approved and invite you to celebrate this new transition in my life with me. My heart is thankful.

Thank you, Lord Jesus. For showing me the next step in the road. For leading me to this new place, and this new opportunity. Thank you for bringing me to Prague and for guiding me to this particular church and community – I love these people so much and I pray that you would make me to be a good support for each of them. Lord, thank you for bringing some little clarity to all the uncertainty of my life lately. Thank you for providing a place for me. In Jesus name, Amen.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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The Story-Formed Calendar

September 13th, 2008

My friend Tara has been an incredible encouragement and inspiration to me over the years and she has now created something that I think will be an encouragement and inspiration to me and others for years to come.

Tara has always loved stories and over the past few years she has entered into the story of Christ and his church by observing and engaging in the seasons of the church year. Now she has created a tool to help others to engage in God’s redemptive story throughout the year. She’s calling it the “Story-Formed Calendar.” It’s a calendar that is centered on the church seasons and the story of Jesus and his church. You can see the first few pages HERE. I think it’s beautiful and I’m excited to use it over the coming year.

Tara has also created a web site where ideas and activities for each season can be shared. It’s a place where people can share the ways in which they and their family are entering into each specific church season and experiencing the life of Christ through it. You can check out the web site HERE. It’s still getting started, but already she has some great thoughts and ideas up.

So, go check it out and … Enjoy :)

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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“Naked” Church: Church in a nude art exhibit

September 8th, 2008

Our Church moved to a new location yesterday and I loved the new venue, but it made me laugh a little. You see most Sunday’s our church meets in smaller separate groups either at the Springer’s house (an English speaking gathering) or at the Flek’s house (a Czech speaking gathering), but once a month we all come together in a larger venue to talk and worship together as a community.

So, yesterday we had our common gathering in a new location at this great little café right by Old Town Square. So, what made me laugh about the location? Well, the room we were meeting in was also used to display art and the art it is displaying right now is a nude exhibition. All of the pictures on the wall were black and white pictures of nude women. Some were tasteful and just slightly suggestive and others were full frontal nude shots. What a setting for church, right?

Honestly when I first walked in I didn’t even notice the pictures because I was busy setting up some crosses and candles on the tables. When I finally did notice them I have to admit I felt a little uncomfortable. I live in Europe and I have seen some pretty risqué things since moving here. I try to be open-minded. I love art and have often admired nude sculptures and works of art. But, looking at these women completely exposed in newly taken black and white pictures I saw myself. In a weird way I suddenly felt very exposed as I looked at them and that made me feel very uncomfortable.

Throughout the course of the night something changed, though. By the end of the time I could look at these pictures full on and see not only beauty but freedom. By the end of the evening I didn’t feel uncomfortable looking at the pictures any more, instead I could genuinely admire them.

It got me thinking about nakedness, and vulnerability, and openness, and authentically. It got me thinking about being who you are and allowing others to genuinely see who you are. Honestly, even though I would consider myself fairly cultured those pictures on the wall last night were some of the first truly nude pictures I’d ever seen. And it makes sense that they would make me feel uncomfortable and awkward at first. But, as time went by the shock factor wore off and I was able to really look at them and appreciate them for what they were. I wonder if the same is true with being vulnerable with another person or another person being vulnerable with us – at first it feels really uncomfortable and awkward, we’re not used to it, but then after a while it becomes more natural and we can be more vulnerable and accept another’s vulnerability more fully the next time we are faced with it.

Here are a few other reasons that I like the pictures on the wall and a few other things that it got me thinking about:

  • It reminded me that when we come before God we do so naked. There is nothing we can hide from Him. He created us and He knows us intimately. We are always as exposed before God as the women in the pictures were before us. And yet, God doesn’t look on our nakedness and feel uncomfortable (like I did at first) and he doesn’t look on our nakedness and judge all the little faults and failings and love-handles and wrinkles, instead he looks on our nakedness and calls us His beloved.
  • It also reminded me that I want to live authentically before God and others. I don’t want to try and cover myself up and be something I’m not. I don’t want to try and hid my true self from others and make myself look better than I am, or even just different than I am. I want to be free to fully expose the person God made me to be at my core. I want to allow others to see my true self and live from a place of deep authenticity.

So, overall I liked “naked church”, as my husband nicknamed this week’s gathering, and I’m looking forward to next time.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

Photographs by Beth Stedman

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