Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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I like that there are four distinct seasons in Prague. I like that the city feels like a completely different place with each season. In the summer the atmosphere is crowded and animated as the city comes alive with festivals as well as tourists. In the fall the leaves change colors, there’s a crispness in the air, and the city seems itself to speak of bygone days and ancient stories. In the winter the snow on the rooftops, the charm of the Christmas markets and the lights that shine through the dreaded darkness give the city a magical ambiance. And in the spring everything aches with new life and the new birth that even the very buildings seem to have longed for throughout the cold winter.
…But, having four distinct seasons means there is a bitter cold winter that lasts far longer than I would like. I really hate being cold and I often feel like I’m always cold here.

I like living in an expat community. I like that when I meet other Americans we have an instant connection, and a whole set of shared experiences right from the start. There is something instantly bonding just because we are from the same country and culture. And there is something bonding about the fact that we have both experienced what it is like to move overseas and live in foreign Prague. I like that most (if not all) of the expats I’ve met seem to be always on the lookout for friends and “family” here in Prague. Expats usually aren’t in closed circles, they aren’t ingrained in the same circles of friends that they’ve had for years upon years. Instead they are constantly looking for friends and open to meeting people. We have all uprooted from our friends and family and we know that the only way to survive here is to establish strong bonds and friendships. I like that. I like that people are really open to one another and looking for friends. It all makes getting to know people a lot easier in a way.
…But, I also really dislike living in an expat community because it means that you live in a constantly transient community. Most expats don’t stay long in Prague. They come for all different reasons – to teach, to preach, to work. Some come just for the experience and the adventure of it. But, no matter what their reason is most don’t stay longer than a few years. Bryan and I are still fairly new to Prague (we’ve only been here for 3 years) but we have been here long enough to say good bye to good friends and those who could have been good friends. It’s hard to live and build community when you never know how long someone will be around, or even how long you will be around.

I love not having a car. I love that I don’t have to pay for gas or car insurance or deal with fixing it when it brakes. I love that I get more exercise without even trying here just from all the walking. I love that my transportation doesn’t use up as many resources and I’m not having as negative of an effect on the world around me.
…But, I don’t really like actually using public transportation. I don’t like that it takes me twice as long to get across the city as it would with a car. I don’t like that if I miss the tram I have to stand out in the cold sometimes for 10 or 15 minutes. I don’t like squeezing onto a crowded tram or metro, worrying about pick-pockets, or the smell. And I don’t like that my husband doesn’t like to talk on public transportation so we rarely are able to have conversations on the way to and from places.

I love the friends we have here and I love living life with them. We do know some really amazing people here. We have friends here who really care about us as individuals and as a couple and who already really love Thaddeus. We have friends here who by their very lives and generosity have poured out blessing after blessing upon us and we are so grateful to know them and be in community with them.
…But, living life with these friends means not living daily life with other friends and family in the states, who also care about us deeply. I don’t like that.

Well, Thaddeus just woke up from his nap so… that’s all for now, folks!

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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So, I have a little confession. I LOVE the show “Friends”. We own all 10 seasons and I’m guessing that I’ve probably seen from season 1 to season 10 straight through in order close to 10 times. I enjoy Friends because I find it funny and a bit mindless, which means it’s relaxing for me to watch (unlike some of my other show additions, like LOST). But, I’ve realized lately that there is something deeper portrayed in Friends and it’s probably the real reason that I love Friends, because, it’s a core value of mine… Community.

I don’t know why it took watching the show for so long in order for me to realize it, but Friends is a great picture of true community. Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Ross, Joey and Chandler aren’t just Friends they are a community. They live life together in a very real and consistent manner. I thought of so many examples of this, here’s just a few:

1.       They share meals together regularly (basically daily or almost daily)

2.       They share their homes with each other – when Ross loses his job and apartment he moves in with Joey and Chandler, when Phoebe and Rachel’s apartment catches on fire Phoebe moves in with Monica and Rachel moves in with Joey, etc.

3.       They take care of each other when one or more of them is in a difficult financial situation – Chandler pays for most of Joeys expenses while Joey’s trying to make it as an actor, Ross gives Monica money for rent when she loses her job, Phoebe loans Monica money to start a catering company, they all pitch in to pay for Rachel to go on a vacation with her family, etc.

4.       They encourage each other and cry with one another through break ups and deaths and job losses and infertility and everything life throws at them

5.       They are always there for each other even when it means sacrificing something that they wanted – for example when Rachel brakes a rib and Ross takes her to the emergency room instead of going to his TV interview

6.       They know each other inside and out and share their secrets, hopes and fears with one another.

7.       They fight with each other – they are real and open and themselves around each other and sometimes that leads to fights and messy situations and they don’t try to avoid that or just put on a mask, they are real and that means they get angry with each other and show it – but they are also always able to work past it and forgive each other

8.       They go above and beyond the norm in order to make each other happy and fulfill each other’s desires and dreams – with this I think of the time when Ross found out that Phoebe never had a bike and so he goes out and buys her a bike for no real reason other than care for his friend.

All of this happens largely by choice – each person chooses to love and care for each of the others. But, it also happens largely by proximity. For most of the show at least four of them live across the hall from each other and the others aren’t far away either. This allows for things like sharing breakfast together before work, meeting at the coffee shop down stairs after work, and hanging out countless other times together. When you spend that much time that close to another person it becomes so much easier for you to meet their needs and be there for them because you know what their needs are and you are already present in their lives. When you live in that close of a proximity with someone else it’s also really difficult to be fake and put up a mask – because that person is always there they naturally start to see the real you.

I enjoy Friends for a lot of reasons, but I think the reason I love Friends is because it’s a picture of what I’ve always wanted… real, honest, authentic, caring, holistic community.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

I recently read this post written by Alan Knox at The Assembling of the Church and think he has some great things to say about community.

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Let me set the stage: I was making lunch for a community gathering/retreat we were having. I had all these thoughts bouncing in my head about the communion experience I was helping to plan and about our community and what it means to live in community. I was feeling nervous about the time we were going to have together. The culmination of all this was the thought that would lead to my realization:

 “This is my body broken for you.”

With each tear of the lettuce and each cut of the knife the thought came:

“This is my body broken for you.”

As I set out the elements for communion:

“This is my body broken for you.”

And then I started to think about and pray for different members of our faith community the thought came again even louder this time:

“This is my body broken for you.”

I had never before thought about that statement as being about anything besides the bread of communion and Jesus own physical body broken on the cross. But suddenly it dawned on me that we have TWO things that we are told ARE the body of Christ Jesus: the bread at communion and the church (or the family of God). And it suddenly felt very real to me that when Jesus says, “This is my body broken for you” He is talking about how he himself will be broken, and about how the bread will be broken, AND about how his church and the members of his church will be broken. And this weekend I experienced that a little bit.

I feel like I experienced my brokenness and my past story and my personal expectations rub up against the brokenness and past stories and expectations of others in my community.

And it hurt…

… but today I find myself thanking God for it.

Thank you, Lord that I am part of your broken body!

Thank you for the darkness and the tension and the differences.

Thank you for hurting me so that I could more clearly see my own biases and brokenness.

Thank you for a community that is willing to be open with one another, and share our hearts and hurts with each other even when that’s really hard and when doing it might be really difficult.

Thank you for a community that is willing to love each other, and love the differences we see in each other even when those differences hurt us.

Thank you for a community that is willing to stay in it together instead of choosing the easier path.

Lord, thank you, thank you, thank you, for sending your son to be broken like we are.

Lord, I know and I trust that you are a God of restoration and redemption and resurrection. I know and trust that you love to take that which is broken and make it whole again. That’s what I see you being about and that is what I want to be about. Lord, forgive me for the ways that I have broken instead of redeemed, forgive me for the ways I have done that even tonight. Lord, continue to work in me – don’t give up on me – work in me to take all my broken pieces and make me whole. Lord, work in us as a community and make us whole. Make us a community that is about restoration and redemption and resurrection.

Tonight I still feel a bit sad and tired, but I also feel deep hope.

Tonight I was reminded of why I choose to be a part of this community, and why I love each of the unique members of this community.

Tonight I experienced more of what it means to actually live in real community.

Tonight I feel thankful.

Tonight I am encouraged to be part of God’s broken body and I look expectantly towards the resurrection and wholeness that is coming.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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I’ve known Laura Johnson since 6^th grade when she was Laura Chambers. But, it wasn’t until high school that we got to be really close friends and since then our friendship has just continued to grow. Laura is one of those rare friends that I just always feel comfortable around, no matter how much time has passed since we’ve talked, no matter what has changed in our lives or what big things are going on in our lives I feel like I can always be myself around her. And that is largely due to who Laura is as a person. She is free. She is open. She is authentic. She is herself and that makes me by myself around her.

Laura is one of the best conversationalists I’ve ever met. She can talk with anyone on practically any subject and end up laughing with them within minutes and making them feel comfortable. I love that about Laura and it’s also been a trait of hers that I’ve always been a bit jealous of as well. Laura is just genuinely interested in people, and genuinely interested in any subject or topic that another person is genuinely interested in. I think Laura just finds life fascinating and that makes her able to talk with anyone on any subject with interest. I love that about Laura.

My friend Laura is also incredibly courageous. It might not be evident right at first, but I’ve seen it first hand for over a decade. Laura has more courage than most people I know. She has this courage that makes her willing to try things and do things and meet people and step out on a limb and I really admire that about her.

Laura is also brilliant. Seriously, she has the best vocabulary of anyone I know. She loves to read and learn and is constantly doing both. But, I think her brilliance shines most in interpersonal relationships. She has a way of seeing through the bull**** and courageously saying what’s really going on. She just sees things more clearly than most people and she has a way of communicating what she sees clearly and compassionately as well. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been talking with Laura and had her say something that just cut through it all and got right to the true heart of the matter. Everyone needs a friend like Laura, who can see the truth in their lives and isn’t afraid to tell it to them, and I’m so grateful that she’s my friend.

Laura Johnson is also exceptionally loyal and trustworthy. She is a friend you can count on to be there for you no matter what. I’ve gotten to be on the receiving end of that loyalty many times. Laura has stood by me at times when I felt like my world was coming undone. When God felt distant and unloving and at times unreal at all. Laura would talk with me, let me share my doubts without judging me, loyally stand by me, and gently remind me of truth. There are things that Laura knows about me that no one else knew for years (and there are still things that only she and my husband know). I always knew that I could trust Laura and I could rely on her to be there for me in the hard times and in the really good times. Laura was also one of the first people I told when I first got a crush on my husband, she was one of the few people who I gave permission to veto any guy I was ever interested in, and she was the first person I told when Bryan and I had our first kiss (my first kiss ever). Laura has seen me through a lot and I feel so blessed to have her as my friend.

Laura is also one of the few people I’ve ever met who just gets me. She understands me. I don’t often have to explain myself with Laura, she just gets it. She often will say something which is almost exactly what I’m thinking and we have definitely had times in our friendship where we finish each other’s sentences regularly. Our conversations often develop to a point where we are both talking at once and talking over each other, and finishing each other’s sentences but we both just understand and get it. I’ve always felt a little like an un-understandable outcast and like no one fully got me, but Laura is one of those few people that I don’t really feel that way around.

And on top of all that she’s just plain fun to be around. Laura likes to laugh and have fun and we definitely have done both of those things a lot over the years. Whenever I get together with Laura I know that I will laugh and enjoy life, I know that I will feel understood, I know that I will be able to share exactly who I am and receive grace and love, I know she will see me and my current life with clarity and wisdom, and I know we will have long, deep, meaningful talks about anything and everything we can think of.

Laura, may God meet you today exactly where you are.
May you feel and receive and know His peace and rest even amidst the craziness, busyness and un-expectedness of life.
May He take your hand and guide you to green pastures, to growth and freedom and newness of life.
May he surround you on all sides and protect you from all harm.
May he bless the work of your hands and the relationships in your heart.
May he bless your marriage and deepen the love that you and Aaron have for one another.
May he bless your classes and use them to shape you into a new creation.
May he bless your future and all the uncertainties that the future often holds.
May he hold you and Aaron closely in the palm of His hand and gently take you where He wants you to go.
And may it not be long before we again share a lingering talk over a good drink J

I love you, my friend. And I miss you deeply.

Rejoicing in the journey –
Bethany Stedman

Photographs by Beth Stedman

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This evening though, I had the humbling experience of twice listening to other people pray for me and my husband… it was humbling and uplifting. I deeply felt the tangible support of friends holding me and my husband and the situations we find ourselves in up to God. I remember thinking at one point tonight, “Lord, there is so much that I want to lift up to you, so many concerns and worries weighing on my heart, but they feel so heavy that I don’t think I even can lift them up to you.” And just after that someone else prayed and lifted me and the concerns of my life up to God. Twice tonight I was reminded of the story of when Aaron and Caleb (was it Caleb or someone else?) held up Moses hands because he couldn’t hold them up himself. I felt a little like that tonight. I felt bolstered, supported and held up tonight. I was reminded that I am not alone. God is with me, and he has also given me wonderful friends to walk through the journey with me. Thank you, Jesus.

I feel like this picture really sums up this post well. It’s a picture of my husband, Bryan, and our friend Mathias helping our friend’s baby, Isaiah up the slide. Isaiah loves to climb up the slide, but he’s too little to do it on his own. He needs other people to help him and push him up the slide. That’s what I felt like tonight, I felt like I needed other people to help me and push me up the slide to the throne of my King, and that is exactly what I got tonight.

And to each of my friends, here in Prague and other places around the world, thank you for supporting me. Thank you for pushing me up the slide. Forgive me for the times when I pull away from you and don’t let you into my life. Forgive me for the times when I don’t give you a chance to support me. And thank you for the ways in which you continue to pursue me and love me and lift me up.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

Photograph by Beth Stedman

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On another note, here’s a little scene from the show Friends that’s been running through my head a lot lately:

Rachel: They want to know if I’m ok, ok, let’s see. Well, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting pregnant or getting promoted and I’m getting coffee and it’s not even for me! So, if that sounds like I’m ok, then you can tell them that I’m ok, ok!

Monica: …hum, Rachel, has left the building, can you call back?

…

Monica: You should feel great about yourself you’re doing this amazing independent thing

Rachel: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. And for what?

Phoebe: You’re just like Jack?

Rachel: Jack from down stairs?

Phoebe: No, Jack and the bean stalk.

Monica: Ah, the other Jack.

Phoebe: Yeah right, see he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans and then he woke up and there was this, this big plant outside his window full with possibilities and stuff, and he lived in a village and you live in The Village.

Rachel: Ok, Phoebes, Phoebes, Jack, gave up a cow, I gave up an orthodontist, I know I didn’t love him…

Phoebe: See, Jack did love the cow.

Rachel: But see it was a plan, it was clear, everything was figured out and now everything’s just kind of like…

Phoebe: Floopy.

Rachel: Yeah.

Monica: Well, you’re not the only one, I mean half the time we don’t know where we’re going. You just got to figure that at some point it’s all gonna come together and it’s just gonna be un-floopy.

Phoebe: Yeah, like that’s a word.

Rachel: Ok, but, Monica, what if it doesn’t come together.

Monica: …Phoebes?

Phoebe: Well, cause you just… I don’t like this question.

Rachel: Ok, see you guys, what if we don’t get magic beans? What if all we got are beans?

…

Rachel: I’m so sorry you guys, I didn’t mean to bring you down.

Monica: No, you were right… I don’t have a plan! Phoebe, do you have a plan?

Phoebe: I don’t even have a pla?

I keep thinking of that scene lately. I think it’s one of my favorite episodes in general, but lately I have really felt like I don’t even have a “pla”. I know that I don’t have to have everything figured out, but sometimes it would be nice to have a plan. This episode ends with the girls having lots of good conversations out on the balcony and then the whole gang playing twister. When Rachel’s credit card company calls again at the end she tells the guy on the other end, “I have magic beans!” And I always thought that was so powerful in a strange way – I mean she still didn’t have a plan, none of them did, they still didn’t have life figured out or necessarily know what they were going to do with their lives, but they had each other and after talking and sharing life together they figured they didn’t need a plan, they could make it, they had “magic beans” in that they had each other. I like that.

Today I’m grateful for the beauty of fall and the joy of good friends – I don’t need a plan, just some friends to walk through the floopiness with me.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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On Tuesday I went with my friend, Kara, to photography the Lennon Wall. I had walked briefly by the wall in the past but had never really stopped to look at it. I really enjoyed reading the things people wrote on the wall and the pictures people drew. It really was beautiful in its own unique way.

I was thinking as I took my pictures about what makes people write on a wall like that. Many people who write on the wall do nothing more than sign their name and that’s it – “John was here”. I think there is something in the human psyche that desires to be known, to leave a mark on the world and the people around them – something in us that wants people to know “Bethany was here.” And so even though we long for our mark to be bigger than just a name on a wall, and we desire to be known by people in a more intimate way then just our name, when faced with a chance to do something even as little as writing our name on a wall we’ll do it.

I think that’s why blogging has taken off so much. I think that desire is a lot of why I blog – it’s a way of leaving my mark. It’s a way of being known and saying “I was here.” It gives a little fuller picture of me then if I just wrote my name on the Lennon wall, but in a lot of ways it’s still pretty shallow. Blogging is still just a mark on a wall. It paints a picture of who I was at a certain time in my life and who I am now, but it’s not a full picture. “It’s true but not complete” as my friend, Tara, says. It might be a fuller picture then just my name on a wall, but it still doesn’t satisfy that deep need inside to be known and remembered – to belong and matter.

Today I met for coffee with some friends. They are probably my closest friends in Prague and currently my closest friends in the world (besides my husband). But, there are days, like today, when I still feel very unknown by them. There are times when I withdraw and don’t fully reveal myself, there are times when I show only a half true, manicured picture of myself and my heart. Why is that? Why is it that we have this deep longing to belong, to be known, to leave our mark, to matter and be accepted and reveal ourselves to other human beings, but that we often run from that desire? Why is it that especially in those moments when I so deeply want to be known I pull away? Is it fear? Is it that I don’t feel valuable enough to share with another? Or is it something else entirely? Does anyone else do this or feel this way? Or is it just me?

Maybe part of why we leave marks on walls and write blogs is because we long to be known and remembered, but maybe part of it is that it’s safe. It’s easier to leave a mark on a wall and feel like you made a mark on the world, than it is to actually go out there and make a mark on the world. It’s easier to write a blog and reveal a little part of yourself through the privacy of your own home and the small window that is cyberspace than it is to actually reveal yourself when face-to-face with another human being.

So, there’s my mark, for today, this is where I was at on September 11, 2008.

“Bethany was here”

Rejoicing in the journey -
Beth Stedman

Photographs by Beth Stedman

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-          Listening to God – I’ve experienced this in little ways lately and have been thinking about it a lot. What does it really mean to listen to God and what does it look like in our day to day lives?

-          What does it really mean to listen to another human being and really understand what they are trying to say (not what you think they are trying to say but what they are really trying to say)?

-          When you get better at listening to your own heart does it get easier or harder to listen to other people’s hearts?

-          How do you handle times when you are listening to someone and really understanding them and what they are saying really makes sense and you can understand how they would see it that way, but it is so different from your own experience and so different from your own believes and maybe even conflicts with your own hurts? How do you listen to them and validate them while also being genuine and validating to your own story/believes/hurts?

-          Is it always important to get feelings you feel or hurts you experience or ideas/believes you have out in the open? Or is it sometimes beneficial to keep something to yourself or even hid it so as not to hurt someone or cause conflict?

-          How do you really listen to someone when what they are expressing a desire for is something that you don’t want to happen and even fear happening?

Yeah, all these questions/thoughts keep bouncing around my head. Any one of them could probably be a post in and of itself or I probably could have integrated them into one post that was much more coherent then this. But, it’s late. I’m tired. My head is too full with the questions to actually be able to piece them apart into a coherent blog, and so for now you get to just have a little glimpse into my crazy brain.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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So, in what ways have you experienced real fellowship/friendship and church (the body of Christ being the body of Christ) lately? I’d love to hear J

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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