Archive for the ‘friendship’ Category

“I get by with a little help from my friends”

October 1st, 2008

Ok, so the last 2 weeks have been really hard for me and I think that they have been especially hard because I’ve felt really alone in the things that I have been going through. I think that is largely my fault. I think I have in many ways, conscious and unconscious, pulled away from people lately or only let them see little glimpses of what’s been going on in my heart. I’ve tried to focus on the good stuff and paint nice pictures for people and when things got deeper I quickly changed the subject or laughed it off. Even with Bryan. I mean, Bryan and I are definitely going through a lot together right now and we are together in it and walking through it together, but in many ways we have been dealing with it in our own ways on our own and that has added to my feeling of being alone in it.

This evening though, I had the humbling experience of twice listening to other people pray for me and my husband… it was humbling and uplifting. I deeply felt the tangible support of friends holding me and my husband and the situations we find ourselves in up to God. I remember thinking at one point tonight, “Lord, there is so much that I want to lift up to you, so many concerns and worries weighing on my heart, but they feel so heavy that I don’t think I even can lift them up to you.” And just after that someone else prayed and lifted me and the concerns of my life up to God. Twice tonight I was reminded of the story of when Aaron and Caleb (was it Caleb or someone else?) held up Moses hands because he couldn’t hold them up himself. I felt a little like that tonight. I felt bolstered, supported and held up tonight. I was reminded that I am not alone. God is with me, and he has also given me wonderful friends to walk through the journey with me. Thank you, Jesus.

I feel like this picture really sums up this post well. It’s a picture of my husband, Bryan, and our friend Mathias helping our friend’s baby, Isaiah up the slide. Isaiah loves to climb up the slide, but he’s too little to do it on his own. He needs other people to help him and push him up the slide. That’s what I felt like tonight, I felt like I needed other people to help me and push me up the slide to the throne of my King, and that is exactly what I got tonight.

And to each of my friends, here in Prague and other places around the world, thank you for supporting me. Thank you for pushing me up the slide. Forgive me for the times when I pull away from you and don’t let you into my life. Forgive me for the times when I don’t give you a chance to support me. And thank you for the ways in which you continue to pursue me and love me and lift me up.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

Photograph by Beth Stedman

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Fall and “Magic Beans”

September 30th, 2008

Today Bryan and I took a walk to the book store. The leaves crunched under our feet. I pulled my scarf a little tighter to keep out the slight chill. We walked arm in arm. Today really felt like fall. I love the fall. It makes me happy.

On another note, here’s a little scene from the show Friends that’s been running through my head a lot lately:

Rachel: They want to know if I’m ok, ok, let’s see. Well, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting pregnant or getting promoted and I’m getting coffee and it’s not even for me! So, if that sounds like I’m ok, then you can tell them that I’m ok, ok!

Monica: …hum, Rachel, has left the building, can you call back?

…

Monica: You should feel great about yourself you’re doing this amazing independent thing

Rachel: Monica, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. And for what?

Phoebe: You’re just like Jack?

Rachel: Jack from down stairs?

Phoebe: No, Jack and the bean stalk.

Monica: Ah, the other Jack.

Phoebe: Yeah right, see he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans and then he woke up and there was this, this big plant outside his window full with possibilities and stuff, and he lived in a village and you live in The Village.

Rachel: Ok, Phoebes, Phoebes, Jack, gave up a cow, I gave up an orthodontist, I know I didn’t love him…

Phoebe: See, Jack did love the cow.

Rachel: But see it was a plan, it was clear, everything was figured out and now everything’s just kind of like…

Phoebe: Floopy.

Rachel: Yeah.

Monica: Well, you’re not the only one, I mean half the time we don’t know where we’re going. You just got to figure that at some point it’s all gonna come together and it’s just gonna be un-floopy.

Phoebe: Yeah, like that’s a word.

Rachel: Ok, but, Monica, what if it doesn’t come together.

Monica: …Phoebes?

Phoebe: Well, cause you just… I don’t like this question.

Rachel: Ok, see you guys, what if we don’t get magic beans? What if all we got are beans?

…

Rachel: I’m so sorry you guys, I didn’t mean to bring you down.

Monica: No, you were right… I don’t have a plan! Phoebe, do you have a plan?

Phoebe: I don’t even have a pla?

I keep thinking of that scene lately. I think it’s one of my favorite episodes in general, but lately I have really felt like I don’t even have a “pla”. I know that I don’t have to have everything figured out, but sometimes it would be nice to have a plan. This episode ends with the girls having lots of good conversations out on the balcony and then the whole gang playing twister. When Rachel’s credit card company calls again at the end she tells the guy on the other end, “I have magic beans!” And I always thought that was so powerful in a strange way – I mean she still didn’t have a plan, none of them did, they still didn’t have life figured out or necessarily know what they were going to do with their lives, but they had each other and after talking and sharing life together they figured they didn’t need a plan, they could make it, they had “magic beans” in that they had each other. I like that.

Today I’m grateful for the beauty of fall and the joy of good friends – I don’t need a plan, just some friends to walk through the floopiness with me.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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“Bethany Was Here” – Desiring to be Known

September 11th, 2008

On Tuesday I went with my friend, Kara, to photography the Lennon Wall. I had walked briefly by the wall in the past but had never really stopped to look at it. I really enjoyed reading the things people wrote on the wall and the pictures people drew. It really was beautiful in its own unique way.

I was thinking as I took my pictures about what makes people write on a wall like that. Many people who write on the wall do nothing more than sign their name and that’s it – “John was here”. I think there is something in the human psyche that desires to be known, to leave a mark on the world and the people around them – something in us that wants people to know “Bethany was here.” And so even though we long for our mark to be bigger than just a name on a wall, and we desire to be known by people in a more intimate way then just our name, when faced with a chance to do something even as little as writing our name on a wall we’ll do it.

I think that’s why blogging has taken off so much. I think that desire is a lot of why I blog – it’s a way of leaving my mark. It’s a way of being known and saying “I was here.” It gives a little fuller picture of me then if I just wrote my name on the Lennon wall, but in a lot of ways it’s still pretty shallow. Blogging is still just a mark on a wall. It paints a picture of who I was at a certain time in my life and who I am now, but it’s not a full picture. “It’s true but not complete” as my friend, Tara, says. It might be a fuller picture then just my name on a wall, but it still doesn’t satisfy that deep need inside to be known and remembered – to belong and matter.

Today I met for coffee with some friends. They are probably my closest friends in Prague and currently my closest friends in the world (besides my husband). But, there are days, like today, when I still feel very unknown by them. There are times when I withdraw and don’t fully reveal myself, there are times when I show only a half true, manicured picture of myself and my heart. Why is that? Why is it that we have this deep longing to belong, to be known, to leave our mark, to matter and be accepted and reveal ourselves to other human beings, but that we often run from that desire? Why is it that especially in those moments when I so deeply want to be known I pull away? Is it fear? Is it that I don’t feel valuable enough to share with another? Or is it something else entirely? Does anyone else do this or feel this way? Or is it just me?

Maybe part of why we leave marks on walls and write blogs is because we long to be known and remembered, but maybe part of it is that it’s safe. It’s easier to leave a mark on a wall and feel like you made a mark on the world, than it is to actually go out there and make a mark on the world. It’s easier to write a blog and reveal a little part of yourself through the privacy of your own home and the small window that is cyberspace than it is to actually reveal yourself when face-to-face with another human being.

So, there’s my mark, for today, this is where I was at on September 11, 2008.

“Bethany was here”

Rejoicing in the journey -
Beth Stedman

Photographs by Beth Stedman

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Bouncing Questions off the walls of my Brain

August 15th, 2008

Wow. I feel like I went from really having nothing to write about a few hours ago to having TONS of thoughts bouncing around my head all of a sudden for no apparent real reason. I really want to write about all of these thoughts, but I can’t really figure out how to write about them right now… hum… Guess I really am tired. Well, maybe for now I’ll just list out a few general things I’m thinking about for later reference…

-          Listening to God – I’ve experienced this in little ways lately and have been thinking about it a lot. What does it really mean to listen to God and what does it look like in our day to day lives?

-          What does it really mean to listen to another human being and really understand what they are trying to say (not what you think they are trying to say but what they are really trying to say)?

-          When you get better at listening to your own heart does it get easier or harder to listen to other people’s hearts?

-          How do you handle times when you are listening to someone and really understanding them and what they are saying really makes sense and you can understand how they would see it that way, but it is so different from your own experience and so different from your own believes and maybe even conflicts with your own hurts? How do you listen to them and validate them while also being genuine and validating to your own story/believes/hurts?

-          Is it always important to get feelings you feel or hurts you experience or ideas/believes you have out in the open? Or is it sometimes beneficial to keep something to yourself or even hid it so as not to hurt someone or cause conflict?

-          How do you really listen to someone when what they are expressing a desire for is something that you don’t want to happen and even fear happening?

Yeah, all these questions/thoughts keep bouncing around my head. Any one of them could probably be a post in and of itself or I probably could have integrated them into one post that was much more coherent then this. But, it’s late. I’m tired. My head is too full with the questions to actually be able to piece them apart into a coherent blog, and so for now you get to just have a little glimpse into my crazy brain.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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Sunday Church Talks: Church in a Coffee Shop

August 3rd, 2008

Today I experienced church. Not when I went to church, but when I met a few friends for coffee. It was a time of sharing and listening to each other. It was a time of encouraging one another and just being there for one another. I shared more of myself and my story then I had planned but I felt safe there and like I could share more then I’d intended. I listened to others share and in doing so became myself a part of their story. It was a beautiful time. I think this is what we need – what I need. I think people need other people to walk through life with them. We need people to listen to us and validate us. We need people to speak truth to us and challenge us and we need people to encourage us and support us. We need people with whom we can share ourselves with little by little. And we need to hear other people’s stories and see bits of their deep self’s, because it’s in those glimpses that we learn that we are not alone. We learn that our struggles are also the struggles of others. Our fears are also the fears of others. Our triumphs and joys are also the triumphs and joys of others. We need this reminder – or at least I know I do. I need this. Thank you for being church with me, my friends!

So, in what ways have you experienced real fellowship/friendship and church (the body of Christ being the body of Christ) lately? I’d love to hear J

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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