As I sorted the grains it felt a little bit like I was engaged in a type of litany – A call and response between God’s heart and mine. Here are some of the thoughts that God brought up as I sorted the grains.

First, he reminded me that it is not my job to sort. It’s not my job to sort or judge anyone else’s life or heart, AND it’s not even my job to sort my own heart. I have a tendency to be very hard on myself. I want to be perfect and I want to be perfect NOW. I want to change how I act, and think, and feel. I want to change my heart and at times I WORK HARD at trying to do so. But, the truth of the Gospel is that I can’t change myself. I can’t purify my own heart. I can’t sort out all the “icky” stuff from my life. There is none holy, no not one. And I can’t fix myself.

The hope of the Gospel is that Christ is powerful to cleanse us. He stoops down and cleanses the disciple’s feet, washing them clean, purifying them. And he does the same for me. He is the one who sorts through my heart and weeds out all the impurities – all the shaft, rocks, bugs, and little black things that I can’t even recognize any more. I don’t need to cleanse myself, I don’t need to judge myself. He is the One Judge and he is merciful. He is the one who cleanses me and his hand is gentle.

Another thing happened while I was sorting. As I sorted through the grains, I noticed that some of them were broken. For a second I actually thought about sorting out all the broken pieces while I was sorting out the other stuff – I know CRAZY, right? But, there was a little part of me that wanted everything to be perfect and look perfect and uniform. I know it was ridiculous. Those broken pieces were perfectly good pieces of grain even though they didn’t look as nice or perfect as the whole pieces.

Then I heard God whisper… “Bethany, I don’t sort out the brokenness either. The broken pieces stay.” It struck me that when God is cleaning and purifying and sanctifying my life he slowly picks away the rocks, the dirt, the bugs, but he leaves the broken pieces. He leaves the wounds, the hurts, the scars, the places of my life that aren’t neat and clean and whole and perfect. Sometimes I wish he didn’t leave the broken pieces, but there is something beautiful about the fact that he does. He’s not wasteful. He may refine me but every bit of me that is worth keeping will be kept even if it looks a little broken or misshapen.

Oh, and his work is slow. He doesn’t sort and purify quickly. He doesn’t use a machine and haphazardly throw me into a standard system. He slowly picks up and looks at each grain of my heart. He sorts by hand – strong, yet gentle hands.

Search me, Oh God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Rejoicing in the journey-
Bethany

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I meet regularly with a group of ladies to study and practice together various spiritual disciplines. This past week I was unable to be there for the whole time but came in just in time to hear the last bit of a discussion on prayer, particularly focusing on prayers that Jesus prayed throughout his life. The prayers that particularly struck me where the prayers from the cross, and as this is Good Friday I thought I would try and share some of the reflections with you.

Jesus’ prayers from the cross:

“My God my God, why have you forsaken me?”

“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

“Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.”

None of the gospels have all three of these prayers together and so honestly I had never really looked at them together before, but it struck me this time that they go beautifully together and even seem to represent a sort of progression of faith through trials.

It starts with “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” We must first be willing to admit openly our own doubt, hurt, anger, sadness and despair. We must be able to admit how alone we feel, how distant God seems. We must be able to be honest enough with ourselves to allow ourselves to question God. My God, my God why have you forsaken me?!?!?!

I truly believe that question is an important one for us to allow ourselves to ask. But, I realized something else too; Jesus spoke the question in Aramaic, which at this time was one of the most commonly spoken languages of the area (if not the most commonly spoken). It never dawned on me until this week how significant that really is. Jesus was open with his questioning of God. He didn’t try to hide it, he didn’t keep it in or under wraps, and when he spoke it he didn’t just speak his question in a way that only a few would hear or understand. He proclaimed it openly and “in a loud voice” in a language that all around him would understand. I think that says something about how we should question and doubt God, and paints a picture of what that might look like that is very different from how we currently approach questioning God’s presence in the church. The church should not be afraid of people’s questions; people should not hide their questions. They should be able to be open and honest with their pain and doubt and questions not just with God, but with the community around them as well.

I think that the path to deeper faith must begin with prayers like “My God, my God, why have your forsaken me?” It is only when we openly admit and acknowledge our deep hurts and feelings in community that we can move forward into healing.

The next prayer is “Father, forgive them, for they known not what they do.” This is a difficult prayer to pray. But, often in trial after we admit our pain and questions, in order to move forward we need to seek out forgiveness for ourselves and for those who have wronged us. One of the ladies in our group pointed out how rarely we really pray for GOD to forgive someone who’s wronged us. We know that we need to work to forgive them, but do we ever pray for God to forgive them? Do we really want God to forgive them? So, often even once we have come to a place where we can say we forgive those who’ve wronged us we still expect and want God to dish out justice towards them. Asking God to forgive the other who has hurt us takes forgiveness a step deeper and though it is a difficult step it is a step that takes us one step closer to the life of faith – trusting that God knows best and that His love is all encompassing for each and every one of his creatures.

As difficult as these first two prayers can be I think the finally prayer is really the hardest, but it is also the sweetest. “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!” From that place of doubt, of questioning, of asking, “God why have your forsaken me?” we move to a place of complete rest and surrender. Our Lord is no longer referred to simply as God, but Father. And despite the fact that He may still seem distant and that our circumstances haven’t changed  and we haven’t received a clear answer to the deepest questions we ask, there comes a point of faith where we have a decision to make… will we trust? Will we surrender over our control? Will we follow this God that we don’t understand, this God that seems to forsake us at times, this God that calls us to a new and difficult way of living? Will we open our clenched fists and allow God to take us wherever He leads us, through whatever He leads us, trusting that He is love? Will we join Jesus in praying “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit”?

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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“Today is Maundy Thursday – it is the day we remember Christ washing the Disciples feet. I was doing a little research on Maundy Thursday and found this on Wikipedia:

The word Maundy is derived through Middle English, and Old French mandé, from the Latin mandatum, the first word of the phrase “Mandatum novum do vobis ut diligatis invicem sicut dilexi vos” (”A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you”), the statement by Jesus in the Gospel of John (13:34) by which Jesus explained to the Apostles the significance of his action of washing their feet.

Along with my fried Tara (see her post on Maundy Thursday here) I found the meaning behind the days name to be very interesting and challenging. In the past Thursday of Holy week was not a day I really gave much thought to. I knew that it was related somehow to the foot washing but it wasn’t really a part of Easter for me. My family would often go to a service on Good Friday but we never went to church on Thursday and never really included Thursday in our Easter/Holy week celebrations. But, today I find myself thinking about Maundy Thursday. How can I enter into Christ’s command to “love one another as I have loved you” today? How can I commemorate and celebrate and remember the miraculous act of the God of the universe stooping down to wash the feet of dirty and sinful human beings – of stooping down to serve them and to serve me?”

This lent and holy week have been very different from last year for me. Last year this was a season of learning for me and I was very aware of the days of lent and did what I could to enter into them. This year, although I had planned to enter into lent in many ways as I had last year, I felt God calling me to a slightly different rhythm – something which I wrote a bit about here and am planning to write more about in the coming days. But, today God brought my awareness back to the fact that it is Maundy Thursday and as he did I started to think about a beautiful event that I will be participating in this evening.

Tonight marks the official release of the new Czech translation of the Bible. Our friend Sasha Flek has been working with a small group of others on this translation for the past 17 years. Tonight there will be an open event in Bethlehem Chapel (were Jan Hus preached) to celebrate the release of the Bible. Starting tomorrow there will be public readings of the Bible in 70 major Czech cities that will run for 24 hours straight reading the Bible from cover to cover between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. This is an amazingly significant event and many in the Czech Republic, no matter what their religious beliefs, are excited about it. The Czech tv and radio have both run free adds telling about the Bible and the Czech news has done in-depth interviews of Sasha including asking about his own conversion and calling to the Bible translation. The coming days will be a time to celebrate the birth and completion of a God-given vision and the resurrection of the Bible for a new generation of Czechs.

Today on Maundy Thursday, a day when we remember Jesus stooping and washing the disciple’s feet and telling them to love one another, it dawns on me that is exactly what Sasha and his team have been doing. They have given up their time and agenda’s to stoop over the Bible for 17 years so that they can show love and bring love through the written Word of God to their people.

Today I pray that those who receive this new translation, that those who hear it in the streets and in public squares over the weekend would feel the love of a God who stooped down to serve and die for each of us.

If you’d like to learn more about the Czech Bible translation visit this web site.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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It came to my attention – just this year in fact – that Easter is not a day. Easter is actually a 50 day season of the church calendar starting at sundown on Holy Saturday (starting at the Easter Vigil) and ending at the day of Pentecost, when the church remembers and celebrates the coming of the Holy Spirit. This year Eastertide lasts until Sunday May 11^th (Pentecost).  

It seems right to me that Easter should be longer than a day. It is (or should be) the central focus of our Christian walk. Christ is risen! He is risen indeed! And with Him we are risen as well from death to life – not just in the age to come but in the here and now. We were dead but now we live. We were lost but now are found. We have life and hope that cannot be taken from us. Our God is not dead and buried – He is alive and well and active in our lives. And remembering that and choosing to live in that should create joy. Thus, the season of Easter should be a time of celebration, a time of feasting, a time of pure joy.

May the coming days of Eastertide be days of joy for you. May they be days filled with play and celebration and laughter and delight in knowing that God delights in you, He has given you life – life to the full! May each day of Eastertide build on the day before until we come together to Pentecost and with equal joy remember that God is with us, that He has given us His very Spirit and has sent us out with purpose and mission.

Rejoicing in the journey –
Beth Stedman

Photograph by Beth Stedman

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Almight God, who through your only-begotten Son Jesus Christ overcame death and opened to us the gate of everlasting life: Grant that we, who celebrate with joy the day of the Lord’s resurrection, may be raised from the death of sin by your life-giving Spirit; through Jesus Christ out Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirity, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

May this Easter be a season of resurrection and new life for each of us – the old has past the new has come.

He is Risen!

Rejoicing in the journey -
Beth Stedman

Photograph by Beth Stedman

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O God, Creator of heaven and earth: Grant that, as the crucified body of your dear Son was laid in the tomb and rested on this holy Sabbath, so we may await with him the coming of the third day, and rise with him to newness of life; who now lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

 May you eagerly wait with God today for the coming resurrection and new life of tomorrow.

Rejoicing in the journey -
 Beth Stedman

Photograph by Beth Stedman

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God, have mercy upon us.

What more could I have done for you that I have not done? I planted you, my chosen and fairest vineyard; but when I was thirsty, you gave me vinegar to drink and pierced my side with a spear.

God, have mercy upon us.

I went before you in a pillar of cloud, and you have led me to the judgment seat of Pilate. I gave you a royal scepter, and the keys of the kingdom, but you have given me a crown of thorns.

God, have mercy upon us.

My peace I gave, which the world cannot give, and washed your feet as a sign of my love, but you draw the sword to strike in my name. I offered you my body and blood, but you scatter and deny and abandon me.

God, have mercy upon us.

I sent the Spirit of truth to guide you, and you close your hearts to Him. I pray that all may be one in the Father and me, but you continue to quarrel and divide, and you have prepared a cross for your Savior.

God, have mercy upon us.

I grafted you into the tree to my chosen Israel, and you turned on them with persecution and mass murder. I made you joint heirs with them of my covenants, but you made them scapegoats for your own guilt, and you have prepared a cross for your Savior.

God, have mercy upon us.

I came to you as the least of your brothers and sisters; I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me. And you have prepared a cross for your Savior.

God, have mercy upon us.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Beth Stedman

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The word Maundy is derived through Middle English, and Old French mandé, from the Latin mandatum, the first word of the phrase “Mandatum novum do vobis ut diligatis invicem sicut dilexi vos” (“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you”), the statement by Jesus in the Gospel of John (13:34) by which Jesus explained to the Apostles the significance of his action of washing their feet.

Along with my fried Tara (see her post on Maundy Thursday here) I found the meaning behind the days name to be very interesting and challenging. In the past Thursday of Holy week was not a day I really gave much thought to. I knew that it was related somehow to the foot washing but it wasn’t really a part of Easter for me. My family would often go to a service on Good Friday but we never went to church on Thursday and never really included Thursday in our Easter/Holy week celebrations. But, today I find myself thinking about Maundy Thursday. How can I enter into Christ’s command to “love one another as I have loved you” today? How can I commemorate and celebrate and remember the miraculous act of the God of the universe stooping down to wash the feet of dirty and sinful human beings – of stooping down to serve them and to serve me?

With these thoughts in mind I stopped researching about Maundy Thursday and went to read through the many blogs that I read daily. Phyllis Tickle has been blogging through Lent and yesterday she wrote about Maundy Thursday and what is to come in the Triduum. It struck me and challenged me. HERE is what she wrote.

Today I have to work, tonight we have dinner plans, but I hope to carry with me the significance of this Sacred day even amidst the mundane details that are my life today. I hope to remember the significance of the God the all stooping to serve, the significance of the Last Super and the Eucharist and to in some ways enter into these sacred events today.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Beth Stedman

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http://www.sgmlifewords.com/easter/index.php

Enjoy!

 Rejoicing in the journey -
Beth Stedman

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