Today I woke up to realize that it is Ash Wednesday, and I felt suddenly like I need Lent this year. Need Lent like I have never needed it before. Lent is when we remember the time the Israelites spent wandering in the desert. Lately, I feel like I am wandering unknown territory, my own desert. Lent is also when we remember Jesus’ temptation in the wilderness. Lately, I feel tempted. I feel tempted to ignore God and focus solely on my immediate physical needs. I feel tempted to escapism instead of being present with where I am and what my life looks like at the moment. I feel tempted to despair and to feel like my life has no broader purpose or vision amidst the mundane of peek-a-boo and dirty dishes.

Lent is also a time of repentance and purification during which we prepare again to celebrate and remember the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I remember learning that for a time in the early church Easter was the only time that they baptized new believers and Lent was for these new believers a time of preparation for baptism. Lent was a time of preparing to enter into the family of God. Eventually “older” believers began to also celebrate Lent as a time to renew their faith and commitment to the resurrection life that God offers. This year I feel this subtle historical significance of Lent. I need this. I need to come to God anew. I need a fresh start with Jesus.

Thanks to Christine Sine I recently read this quote from Joan Chittister’s book The Liturgical Year and it really spoke to me about why I need to participate in Lent yet again:

Lent is not a ritual.  It is time given to think seriously about who Jesus is for us, to renew our faith from the inside out.  It is the moment when, as the baptismal waters flow on every Easter Vigil altar, we return to the baptismal font of the heart to say yes once more to the call of Jesus to the disciples, “Come and see” (John 1:39)  It is the act of beginning our spiritual life all over again refreshed and reoriented.  (111)

I want to begin my “spiritual life all over again refreshed and reoriented.” And so this Ash Wednesday I bow my head and heart and say, “Come, Lord Jesus.” Come and draw me into Lent. Show me once again who you are. Teach me anew who I am. I am thirsty and weak, weary and confused. I don’t know how to listen to you. I don’t know how to speak to you. I don’t know how to follow you. I don’t know how to love you or obey you. Come, Lord. Lead me once again through the desert.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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I meet regularly with a group of ladies to study and practice together various spiritual disciplines. This past week I was unable to be there for the whole time but came in just in time to hear the last bit of a discussion on prayer, particularly focusing on prayers that Jesus prayed throughout his life. The prayers that particularly struck me where the prayers from the cross, and as this is Good Friday I thought I would try and share some of the reflections with you.

Jesus’ prayers from the cross:

“My God my God, why have you forsaken me?”

“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

“Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.”

None of the gospels have all three of these prayers together and so honestly I had never really looked at them together before, but it struck me this time that they go beautifully together and even seem to represent a sort of progression of faith through trials.

It starts with “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” We must first be willing to admit openly our own doubt, hurt, anger, sadness and despair. We must be able to admit how alone we feel, how distant God seems. We must be able to be honest enough with ourselves to allow ourselves to question God. My God, my God why have you forsaken me?!?!?!

I truly believe that question is an important one for us to allow ourselves to ask. But, I realized something else too; Jesus spoke the question in Aramaic, which at this time was one of the most commonly spoken languages of the area (if not the most commonly spoken). It never dawned on me until this week how significant that really is. Jesus was open with his questioning of God. He didn’t try to hide it, he didn’t keep it in or under wraps, and when he spoke it he didn’t just speak his question in a way that only a few would hear or understand. He proclaimed it openly and “in a loud voice” in a language that all around him would understand. I think that says something about how we should question and doubt God, and paints a picture of what that might look like that is very different from how we currently approach questioning God’s presence in the church. The church should not be afraid of people’s questions; people should not hide their questions. They should be able to be open and honest with their pain and doubt and questions not just with God, but with the community around them as well.

I think that the path to deeper faith must begin with prayers like “My God, my God, why have your forsaken me?” It is only when we openly admit and acknowledge our deep hurts and feelings in community that we can move forward into healing.

The next prayer is “Father, forgive them, for they known not what they do.” This is a difficult prayer to pray. But, often in trial after we admit our pain and questions, in order to move forward we need to seek out forgiveness for ourselves and for those who have wronged us. One of the ladies in our group pointed out how rarely we really pray for GOD to forgive someone who’s wronged us. We know that we need to work to forgive them, but do we ever pray for God to forgive them? Do we really want God to forgive them? So, often even once we have come to a place where we can say we forgive those who’ve wronged us we still expect and want God to dish out justice towards them. Asking God to forgive the other who has hurt us takes forgiveness a step deeper and though it is a difficult step it is a step that takes us one step closer to the life of faith – trusting that God knows best and that His love is all encompassing for each and every one of his creatures.

As difficult as these first two prayers can be I think the finally prayer is really the hardest, but it is also the sweetest. “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit!” From that place of doubt, of questioning, of asking, “God why have your forsaken me?” we move to a place of complete rest and surrender. Our Lord is no longer referred to simply as God, but Father. And despite the fact that He may still seem distant and that our circumstances haven’t changed  and we haven’t received a clear answer to the deepest questions we ask, there comes a point of faith where we have a decision to make… will we trust? Will we surrender over our control? Will we follow this God that we don’t understand, this God that seems to forsake us at times, this God that calls us to a new and difficult way of living? Will we open our clenched fists and allow God to take us wherever He leads us, through whatever He leads us, trusting that He is love? Will we join Jesus in praying “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit”?

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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“Today is Maundy Thursday – it is the day we remember Christ washing the Disciples feet. I was doing a little research on Maundy Thursday and found this on Wikipedia:

The word Maundy is derived through Middle English, and Old French mandé, from the Latin mandatum, the first word of the phrase “Mandatum novum do vobis ut diligatis invicem sicut dilexi vos” (”A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you”), the statement by Jesus in the Gospel of John (13:34) by which Jesus explained to the Apostles the significance of his action of washing their feet.

Along with my fried Tara (see her post on Maundy Thursday here) I found the meaning behind the days name to be very interesting and challenging. In the past Thursday of Holy week was not a day I really gave much thought to. I knew that it was related somehow to the foot washing but it wasn’t really a part of Easter for me. My family would often go to a service on Good Friday but we never went to church on Thursday and never really included Thursday in our Easter/Holy week celebrations. But, today I find myself thinking about Maundy Thursday. How can I enter into Christ’s command to “love one another as I have loved you” today? How can I commemorate and celebrate and remember the miraculous act of the God of the universe stooping down to wash the feet of dirty and sinful human beings – of stooping down to serve them and to serve me?”

This lent and holy week have been very different from last year for me. Last year this was a season of learning for me and I was very aware of the days of lent and did what I could to enter into them. This year, although I had planned to enter into lent in many ways as I had last year, I felt God calling me to a slightly different rhythm – something which I wrote a bit about here and am planning to write more about in the coming days. But, today God brought my awareness back to the fact that it is Maundy Thursday and as he did I started to think about a beautiful event that I will be participating in this evening.

Tonight marks the official release of the new Czech translation of the Bible. Our friend Sasha Flek has been working with a small group of others on this translation for the past 17 years. Tonight there will be an open event in Bethlehem Chapel (were Jan Hus preached) to celebrate the release of the Bible. Starting tomorrow there will be public readings of the Bible in 70 major Czech cities that will run for 24 hours straight reading the Bible from cover to cover between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. This is an amazingly significant event and many in the Czech Republic, no matter what their religious beliefs, are excited about it. The Czech tv and radio have both run free adds telling about the Bible and the Czech news has done in-depth interviews of Sasha including asking about his own conversion and calling to the Bible translation. The coming days will be a time to celebrate the birth and completion of a God-given vision and the resurrection of the Bible for a new generation of Czechs.

Today on Maundy Thursday, a day when we remember Jesus stooping and washing the disciple’s feet and telling them to love one another, it dawns on me that is exactly what Sasha and his team have been doing. They have given up their time and agenda’s to stoop over the Bible for 17 years so that they can show love and bring love through the written Word of God to their people.

Today I pray that those who receive this new translation, that those who hear it in the streets and in public squares over the weekend would feel the love of a God who stooped down to serve and die for each of us.

If you’d like to learn more about the Czech Bible translation visit this web site.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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The first is called “Hungry, anyone?” and I recommend you go check it out.

The second was mostly this quote from Henri Nouwen that I thought I’d share with you here as well:

“So what about my life of prayer?  Do I like to pray?  Do I want to pray?  Do I spend time praying?  Frankly, the answer is no to all three questions…The truth is that I do not feel much, if anything, when I pray.  There are no emotions, bodily sensations, or mental visions.  None of my five senses is being touched – no special smells, no special sounds, no special sights, no special tastes, and no special movements.  Whereas for a long time the Spirit acted so clearly through my flesh, now I feel nothing.  I have lived with the expectation that prayer would become easier as I grow older and closer to death.  But the opposite seems to be happening.  The words “darkness” and “dryness” seem to best describe my prayer today.

Maybe part of this darkness and dryness is the result of my overactivity.  As I grow older I become busier and spend less and less time in prayer.  But I probably should not blame myself in that way.  The real questions are, “What are the darkness and the dryness about?  What do they call me to?”…

Are the darkness and dryness of my prayer signs of God’s absence, or are they signs of a presence deeper and wider than my senses can contain?  Is the death of my prayer the end of my intimacy with God or the beginning of a new communion, beyond words, emotions, and bodily sensations?…

The year ahead of me must be a year of prayer, even though I say that my prayer is as dead as a rock.  My prayer surely is, but not necessarily the Spirit’s prayer in me.  Maybe the time has come to let go of “my” prayer, “my” effort to be close to God, “my” way of being in communion with the Divine, and to allow the Spirit of God to blow freely in me.“

rejoicing in the joureny -
Bethany

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Tell me what is. Speak truth and reality to me. By your grace do not permit me to live any longer in a dream world. Take me into the true, the real, the present, for you are the Great I AM and I come to you simply as I am in this present moment. Do what you will. Amen.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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We started to hear God asking us to be present with where we are – to not try and make things happen – to accept that we can do nothing on our own and in our own strength and to open our hands and hearts to where he wants to lead us and the place in life that he has given us right now.

Over the past little bit I have been thinking a lot about this verse from John 15:
“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

The question, “What does it mean to remain in Christ?” has been circling in my head a lot lately. I can’t say that I’ve figured it out – I haven’t. But, I think that one part of it is to rest in trust and allow him to work instead of trying to force things myself. I realize that I do a lot in my own strength and power. I like being in control. I don’t like trusting others, and I especially don’t like trusting God. But, that’s exactly what I feel like He’s calling me to right now. He keeps reminding me that apart from him I can do nothing.

In the past few months God has slowly taken away a lot of security from my husband and I. He has slowly lead us to a place in various areas of our lives where we’ve had to trust him, and wait on him and where we haven’t been able to just do things in our own strength or timing. But, there were still things I was holding on to, I still felt like there were things that I could bring and offer and do. But, the past few weeks something has happened that I have no control over that I can’t do at all. And it’s made that phrase “apart from me you can do nothing” sink in for me in a new way. In this situation I can’t make anything happen, I can’t control the outcome, but there are small things that I can do to help create a fertile environment for God to work and I think it’s given me a picture of how God wants to work with me in other areas of my life. He wants me to stop grasping for the outcomes that I want, stop trying to control things and instead just remain with him, dwell with him and in doing so create a fertile environment for him to move and work and lead me on this journey.

The call of Lent for me this year is a call to let go, to stop striving, to trust and lean back into God’s open arms with reckless abandon. It is a call to remain in him and dwell intimately with him. It is a call to let go of my nagging doubt and distrust and to fall fully into Christ. It is a call to stop striving and fully recognize that it is only in Him that I move and breathe and have my being and apart from him I can do nothing.

That is what I feel God is calling me to this Lent. I’m not sure exactly what it will look like, but I want to follow.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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For those of you who don’t know much about Lent Christine has a great description here on her blog, or you can read my post on it from last year below (I changed a few things so that the dates would be accurate for this year):

Lent: An Introduction, a Little bit of History, and a Few Ideas

Ash Wednesday is on February 25^th this year and will mark the beginning of Lent, so I thought I would share some thoughts I’ve had about Lent, some research and things I’ve learned about it and some ideas of ways to engage in Lent this year that I am contemplating putting into practice.

Lent has a long history. It began in the early church as a time for those who were going to be baptized (baptism happened only once a year on the day before Easter) to prepare themselves for baptism and full acceptance into the church. It was a time for fasting and prayer as well as a time for them to study and learn about Christ and the doctrines of the church. They were to prepare for the new life and new birth that would come with their baptism on Easter. Eventually the rest of the church joined in this practice (some say they did this as a way of showing fellowship with the new believers) and by the Council of Nicene it had become an official season of the church calendar and was established as a 40 day fast of repentance and preparation. It was a time to remember Christ’s 40 days in the wilderness, a time to remember the suffering Christ endured on the cross, and it was a time to remember the sin that put Christ on the cross and the sin in our own lives and world.

At its heart Lent is a journey to wholeness, a journey of joining God in his redemptive and redeeming work in the world. But, that journey begins with a journey through brokenness – we join God in his redemptive work of wholeness by first confronting the brokenness in our own lives and in the world around us. We confront the barriers that keep us from God, the barriers that keep us from each other and the barriers that keep us from God’s creation. This is not a onetime act. We do not overcome these barriers in a day or in 40 days, but the idea is that each year we go through this Lenten process and that at the end of it each time we find ourselves closer…closer to the goal of wholeness and of joining God in His loving work in the world.

Lent is not just about giving something up for a few weeks and it’s not just about focusing on our sin and repenting for a few weeks – it’s really about growth. The very word Lent means “Spring” or “springtime” and indeed just as spring is a time when we plant seeds and bury them in darkness it is a time when we plant ourselves in God and focus on and repent of the darkness in ourselves and in our world. It is a time when through repentance we grow and become a thing of beauty and restoration to the world around us. Lent is really about going through a process that should change us, that should bring us closer to being fully the people God has called us and created us to be.

The church has traditionally made this journey through an emphasis on fasting, almsgiving and prayer.

Fasting has a way of making us more aware of what’s really important in life, when we give up that which is not important we realize what is important. Traditionally in the church there was a lot of discrepancy as to how people should Fast and practice avoidance during Lent. Eventually the Western church declared lent to be 40 days long not counting Sundays. It was to include two days of fasting (ash Wednesday and good Friday) which meant that people were only able to eat one meal on those days (usually in the evening) though they were allowed 2 small snacks during the day to keep up their strength but these snacks could not add up to another full meal. For the Western church Lent also included days of “abstinence” on each Friday during Lent, this meant that ever Friday during lent the church community was not suppose to eat meat at all or drink alcohol, fish was an allowed exception to the no meat rule. In the Eastern Church Lent was also 40 days long but included Sundays and they held to much stricter observance of lent. For the Eastern Church all 40 days were days to abstain from all meat and from all dairy and eggs, basically they all became vegans for 40 days. They also abstained from alcohol during this time. In more modern days many protestants who do observe lent practice fasting in a very different way than either the traditional Western or Eastern church – they simply allowed their congregation to choose what they wanted to give up for the 40 days. But, indifferent to what type of fast is practiced the purpose is the same – to join in Christ’s suffering and in the suffering of the world.

But, fasting was never just for the sack of denial and self-discipline (though those things were part of it). There was a broader purpose to the fasting, a purpose to the denial that went beyond the spiritual development that this practice created and touched on a very practical purpose. The money saved during the fast was to be spent in almsgiving – in giving to the poor. This fast was a way to join with the suffering of the world and to play a part in diminishing that suffering. There was an emphasis during lent on giving to and suffering on behalf of the poor and needy in the world. This was the part of lent that I had known nothing of before and this is the part of lent that struck me most.

The third practice of lent is that of prayer. Christ came. He joined us in our suffering – so much so that he joined us in our death. And so at lent when we remember and dwell on the suffering of our Christ it seems only right that we would in thankful penitence turn our hearts and lives back to Him through prayer. It seems right that during this time of remembrance we would talk with him about our own sin remembering that he came and died not just for some distant purpose or person, He came and died for us each as unique individuals that he wanted to be near and connected to. It seems right that during this time of remembrance we would talk with him about the brokenness in our lives and in the world around us. It seems right that during this time of remembrance we would talk to him about the wrong being done in our world and cry out on behalf of ourselves, our neighbors, our nation and society and on behalf of all those around the world. Through Lenten prayer we confess our failure, confess the ways we fall short, confess and recognize our need for a savior. Through Lenten prayer we recommit ourselves to Christ, the His church and to the redeeming work He is doing and desires to do in the world around us. Through Lenten prayer we silence ourselves and listen to Christ’s heart for us and for the world.

I think as I have learned more about Lent I have learned most of all that Lent is not a means and end in itself… it is a beginning. During Lent we dwell on the suffering and hardships of Christ, the suffering and sin in our own life and the suffering and brokenness in our world and we do this in ways that change us. So that when Easter comes we have a real sense of the great glory that is found in Christ’s resurrection – yes our world is broken, yes our own lives are broken but Christ didn’t just suffer he rose and with his resurrection he brought new life for all of us. So after a time of penitence and brokenness we can come to Easter knowing fully the importance and necessity of Christ’s resurrection and rejoicing fully in the complete and eternal fullness of life that He brings. And we can move on from there hopefully further along in our journey, more fully in tune with Christ, with ourselves and with the world around us.

There is a lot of variety in how the church has practiced fasting, almsgiving and prayer during lent and I think as we enter lent it is important for each of us to search our hearts and figure out how best we can practice these Lenten themes in ways that according to God’s unique calling and work in our lives connects us more closely with the Man of Sorrows and the sorrow-filled world around us.

Here are some Ideas of ways to practice and engage more in the Lenten season this year:

-          $2  Mutunga  Challenge

-          Carry  a pocket size cross with you continually throughout lent as a reminder of the season

-          Pray through the daily offices throughout lent

-          Participate in the stations of the cross

-          Fast and/or abstain from something

-          Work through Christine Sine’s Lenten guide

-          Volunteer somewhere

-          Read some of the original church fathers as a way to learn more about the life, death and resurrection of Christ and the work of His church

-          Spend some time memorizing scripture during lent

-          Set aside time to pray

-          Spend some time confessing your brokenness and sin to God and to another person

-          Commit to praying for the poor, the brokenhearted, the prisoners, the hungry, and the sick around the world and in your own city/neighborhood

-          Wear simple cloths and no jewelry during lent as a symbol of mourning the death and brokenness of our lives and the world

-          If you find that you are really busy and don’t have time maybe make your discipline for Lent that you make time, that you say no to added activities and commitments and instead say yes to rest and spending time with God

-          Find a charity that you believe in and donate to it financially during lent as a small way to mend brokenness in the world

-          Take time to restore a broken relationship in your life

-          Make a commitment to have a minimal impact on the environment during Lent in an effort to restore the brokenness of God’s planet – recycle more, walk more, take public transportation, re-use things in an effort to create less garbage, don’t buy a lot of “stuff”, etc.

-          Go through the Lectionary as a way to read the Bible more during lent 

-          Make a commitment to attend church services more often or at least gather with other believers more regularly during lent

-          If you are married spend some quality date night time with your spouse during lent as a way to restore and refresh any brokenness in your marriage relationship

-          Take time to clean out your house/closet and donate those things you don’t need to those who may need them as a way to restore (in some small way) some of the brokenness in the world

-          Take time to educate yourself more about the human rights violations in the world, the injustice in the world, and in general the brokenness in the world and what you can do to participate in restoring wholeness and health to people

-          Keep a journal during lent as a means for self examination and prayer

-          Spent time meditating on Christ Crucified

-           Place a cross somewhere where you will see it regularly during Lent and remember Christ’s sacrifice and his desire for us to sacrifice on behalf of others as well

-          Pick a meditative phrase to repeat to yourself throughout the day during lent as a reminder of the meaning of the season – for example “Lord, be merciful to me, a sinner.”  Or “Lord, in my hand no price I bring; simply to the cross I cling.” Or some other phrase that helps you to focus on the Lenten season

-    Watch Christine Sine’s Reflections for Lent video

-    Participate in the assignment from spirituality2go site

-    Participate in the 40 day Jesus Creed Challenge 

-          Set an extra place at your dinner table each night during Lent as a reminder to “pray that God would fill up the emptiness of those in need.” And as a reminder “that all (no matter their station in life) are invited to come as guests…as family.”Be creative and find ways in your life to remember the brokenness in the world and join God in restoring wholeness and health to all. I’d love to hear any other ideas you may have for practicing the season of Lent and partaking in the sacrifice of Christ. I personally have been really challenged by Lent this year and I look forward to engaging more in this sacred season of the church.

Rejoicing in the journey –
Beth Stedman

More thoughts on entering into Lent and Easter this year (2009) to come soon! Stay tuned.

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Last night I went for a walk around my parents house (we are in Arizona now) – there are certain places in my live that no matter how dry I feel spiritually when I go there I can feel God – the walking trails and sidewalks in my parents neighborhood are like that. Maybe it’s because of all the many, many years that I used to walk them and pray daily – like something lingering from that time – whatever the reason whenever I start walking them again God feels closer. I guess they are a “thin place” for me. And last night was no different. It was refreshing right at the moment when I needed to be refreshed – don’t you love it when God does that?

Well, as those of you who read this blog know I have joined my friend Tara in praying for specific “patterns” and focuses for the weeks of Lent and as we enter this 6^th week, this last week of Lent the focus they have chosen is the future. Here’s what Tara wrote about this week:

We’ve already looked at patters within ourselves, patterns of confession, patterns of how we relate to our family, friends, and those who are “invisibles” or enemies. We’ve asked God to show us new patterns as we think about His Bride here in the US and give us new patterns of sight as we look at the rest of His world. So the question looming before us now is…how do we take these new patterns, new insights, new practices into the FUTURE and not fall back into old patterns?? Lent is not just about stopping or doing an activity for 40 days, but is about allowing God in that stopping or starting to change us and to live in that change into the future.
This week spend some time in quiet reflection over the past 5 weeks. What has God said to you? Where has He convicted you? Where has He given you a new pattern to live instead of an old? Then pray over all that and ask God to show you what this looks like into the future – His future. Pray for future generations of Christ followers. Pray for the future of the Church in the US and the world. Pray for future encounters with “invisibles” or family and friends. Pray for your future as you walk in relationship with God.

I look forward to walking through this final week of Lent. I look forward to praying for the future – my own future, my families future, the future of the church, the future of the world at large. I look forward to finding quiet times of prayer even amidst the busyness this week. Most of all though I find myself today looking forward to Easter.

Rejoicing in the journey –
Beth Stedman

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Lent feels like it’s been put on hold. I woke up this morning and realized that tomorrow starts another week of Lent (I’ve been starting my weeks on Wednesday as Lent itself starts on Wednesday) and I realized that I didn’t spend nearly the time I wanted to in thinking and praying about the church. The few times I did have time to pray for the church I really struggled with it… but I’m still processing why. This week Tara’s focus for the week is to pray for the “rest of the world” – to look outwardly at the places in the world that we don’t have direct contact with; that are foreign and different and pray for the global community as a whole.

As I laid in bed this morning thinking about how little I really did focus on last week’s prayer topic and thinking about the schedule I will have the next few days and for the next few weeks I felt Lent slipping away from me. God felt far away. I didn’t feel like praying – didn’t feel like praying for me or those I knew let alone for such all encompassing topics as the church or the world. God seemed silent. I felt like I hadn’t seen him much in my conversations or encounters lately and like I didn’t have the time to personally seek him out in my hectic travels… But, then I realized something… What I was feeling felt like it didn’t fit with Lent, but it was in fact the very essence of Lent. I had wanted Lent to be this journey of repairing brokenness, this journey of spending devoted time in prayer, this journey of sensing God’s presence and feeling close with him… but that’s not really Lent – Lent is wilderness – Lent is brokenness – Lent is loneliness – Lent is silence – Lent is God’s silence as well as mine. The Biblical story that Lent symbolizes is that of Christ’s temptation in the wilderness, the desert. It’s not a story of peace and tranquil quality time with God. It’s a story where the main character finds himself alone and lonely, without food and hungry – God is not around (at least not noticeably) instead there are temptations to face and Christ must cling to those worlds which God had spoken in the past because at the time God was silent.

Lord, today I am weary. My head hurts, I am in need of a good cry, I’m tired and I feel sick and you seem far off and silent. Lord, give me strength to persevere. Give me strength to pray for those who I cannot see, who I may never see. To pray for my brothers and sisters around the world and remember that like me they too are on a journey and like me they often find themselves tempted and tired and God seems far off and at times not real at all. Some of them have more than I have and some have much, much less than me, but we are not that different. Help me to not get so wrapped up in my own struggles and weariness that I forget the friend at my side, the neighbor down the street, or the stranger half way around the world. Teach me to pray, Lord. Teach me to pray even when I don’t feel like praying, even when you feel far off, even when I’m tired, even when I’m busy, teach me to turn to you and pray in the midst of the wilderness. In Jesus name, amen.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Beth Stedman

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I used to dream about church a lot – and ask questions about church a lot – what should church look like? What can church look like? How would it change people’s walk with God if this part of church was different? Why are certain things done certain ways in the church? I loved thinking about church, talking about church, dreaming about church and asking questions about church.

But then I stopped… I think partly because life got sort of busy and partly because I feel in love and started dreaming about Bryan instead J and also I think partly because I was frustrated by the discussion – it was too hard sometimes – the questions I asked were uncomfortable sometimes – the churches I saw didn’t fit my dreams of church. But, maybe more than all that I wrestled with a question: If I really believed in the unity of the church, in the idea that God could work through any form, any church, any people, if I really believed that church wasn’t just for what I could get out of it but was for what I could bring to it, if I really believed that family mattered and part of Sundays joy was to spend time with family and connect with them, then is it really right for me to go looking for a new church to fit my ideal of what I want? Shouldn’t I instead just participate in and allow God to use the church that I already go to with my family/Bryan’s family? So, that’s where I landed for a while. I tried to just push my dreams about church aside, tried to get involved in the church structure that already existed and bring what gifts/ideas I could to that structure, but it was frustrating for me. I didn’t feel like I was selflessly serving where God had me (like I had intended/wanted) but instead I felt like my heart was turned off and I was just going through the motions. It was an interesting time in my life.

Then we moved to Prague… suddenly we had a chance to choose a church. For a while we just went somewhere where we knew people because that was easiest and I think it was good for us to meet people in an established church structure for a time when everything was so foreign in our new lives. But, then we met Craig and Sarah, and heard their vision for a church plant and decided that was where we wanted to be and what we wanted to be involved in. And slowly I felt this “church” part of my heart coming alive again. I started to dream about church again. I started to read emerging church blogs again. I started to ask questions about church again and ask them now with a vested interest… it wasn’t just what could church look like, it was what could this church look like. I started wrestling with some common assumptions about church again. I started thinking about how I could get involved and not only support what they are doing but add myself to it – give ideas and start things. I dream…

….But, it’s funny dreaming from the inside but still sort of on the outside…

This week’s focus for Lent is the Church – “Praying for her patterns of behavior and for new patterns toward health and life. Praying for unity among brothers and sisters and for a turning back to Jesus (not programs) to lead His church.” Tara and her family will be focusing specifically on praying for the US church and I will be joining them in that prayer but extending my prayer also to the church more generally around the world and more specifically here in Prague since this is where I am and where my local church is.

Just as I have only recently begun to dream about church again I have also only recently begun to pray about church again and I look forward to this week of focusing on praying intently for the church. Lifting the bride of Christ up to the throne of God and asking that God’s will be done in her.

I also plan on taking this week to share with you some of my recent thoughts and questions on church – I look forward to your input on these thoughts that are bouncing around in my head. In the meantime here are some blogs with thoughts on church that I found interesting…

This blog was fascinating to me – good questions that I will be mulling over for a while I think.

There were a number of blogs on Accidental Blog recently discussing ecclesia and church practice and I found the discussion very interesting. (see posts from Feb 17-21^st)

Ok, that’s it for now. More thoughts on church to come…

Rejoicing in the journey -
Beth Stedman

Photograph by Beth Stedman

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