In a quiet forest a beautiful girl walked a path alone. She loved her path, loved the quiet woods around her, loved where she had been and the unknown that stretched before her.

But, she was lonely. Sometimes she thought about going off the path, venturing out on her own, to find a friend, a partner – someone who she could walk with, someone who could help her up when she tripped, someone who would make the dark valleys a little brighter, and the high peaks a little less daunting. But, in the end she never wandered, she always came back to Trusting that the maker of the path knew what lay ahead and knew what was best for her. 

One day her path crossed with the path of a boy. It wasn’t the first time her path had crossed paths with a boy, but nothing ever really clicked with those other boys and their paths soon diverged. To all outward appearances, and even to the girl herself, this time seemed basically the same… at least at first.
 
The day the boy met the girl the boy said “hi” and the girl said “hello”. And they pretty much continued on their way. But, the girl knew that the boy’s path had not wondered far from her own. Sometimes she could hear him singing, sometimes she would sing back to him. They were sweet songs, but short and really not much to mention.
 
Then one day their paths crossed again. This time they took notice of one another. This time they stood a while and talked. This time they shared a simple first kiss. They looked out on each path which stretched before them and they could see that their paths would remain close and crossing for at least some time to come.

The boy reached out for the girls hand. The girl drew close and smiled. And on they continued along their paths, each holding the others hand. Sometimes their paths stretched further apart and they had to reach out to keep holding hands. Other times their paths crossed very close and they could whisper to one another in tones only young lovers use. 

One day the boy said, “will you?” and the girl said “yes”. Now their paths were so close they were almost indistinguishable…almost.
 
A short time past and then the boy said, “I do” and the girl said “I do”. On that day their separate paths became one path. And they walked on holding hands.
 
Now the boy would always have someone to help him up when he fell, and the girl would always have someone to help her over the boulders that they might sometimes find in their way. The boy and the girl would have each other to brighten the dark valleys, and make the high peaks seem less daunting. They could walk forward into the unknown trusting that the maker of the path, the one who brought them together, would guide them each step of the way ahead. 

Tamara and Raul, may you walk hand in hand wherever the future takes you. May you lift each other up without judgement when you fall. May you help each other over the hurdles that may stand in your way. May you make the dark valleys brighter for each other and the high peaks less challenging to climb. When the path before you twists and turns out of view, and fog covers each step of the way, may you hold each others hands a little tighter and walk forward bravely, trusting that God walks beside you and will lead you safely onward. 

And now, would you all raise your glasses with me in celebration of a boy finding a girl, in joy of God leading two people together, and in expectation of a love that will reach far into the future. To Tamara and Raul! We love you! 

Rejoicing in the journey –
Bethany

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email

I have to start off this post by saying that I am not necessarily writing out of experience. Because I have only been married a little over a year, and do not have the luxury of a 32-year marriage like my wonderful sister and previous blogger Lisa Stedman, I decided to share some thoughts that I have on the purpose and function of marriage, and the hope for my own marriage

What is so intriguing to me about marriage is what it is. There’s no doubt that if you asked 10 people what marriage is, at least 9 of them would say, “A commitment”. This is absolutely true. However, as beautiful as a lifelong commitment is and can be, if we reduce marriage down to only that, we miss out on the depth, beauty and purpose of marriage.

So if marriage is not just a commitment, then what is it? Well, to get the answer we must go to a source that defines what marriage is, the Bible. Probably one of the clearest definitions of marriage is found in Ephesians 5. Paul is writing to the church in Ephesus and speaking about this topic, and quoting the Creator of marriage Himself, he pens these words:

“’Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and ^the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”’ (Eph. 5:31, 32)

Whenever God creates something, He does it with incredible purpose and marriage is no different. In fact, I believe that marriage has one of the greatest purposes in the world. And that is to be a picture to the world of what God did for us through Jesus on the cross, and our response to that.

Stories and pictures are tools used by teachers to help the listeners understand, with even more clarity, the point of the story. God is no different, and when thinking about how to clearly portrayhow fulfilling and beautiful a relationship with Him could be, He decided to use marriage. That’s why a couple verses before Paul gives his explanation we just read, he instructs husbands to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and ^gave himself up for her”. And that the wives, in response to the sacrifice of their husbands, should “submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” If this is happening in a marriage, it is functioning as a picture to the rest of the world of what being in a relationship with God is like. I can’t help but think of Jesus’ words in John 17 when He says,

“The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.”

If nothing else, I hope this post serves as a reminder that there is such a beautiful purpose in our marriage that goes beyond ourselves. That if we fulfill our God-given roles in our marriages, the world might know that God sent Jesus and loves them even as He loved Him. In my opinion, there couldn’t be a more fulfilling or rewarding purpose for our marriages than this.

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email

One link in particular caught my attention. It was a post called Five Marriage Tips and One Life Lesson from a couple that has also just celebrated their 5^th wedding anniversary. I thought these were some great tips and loved the concept…so, I decided to steal it and put together my own list of 5 things I’ve learned in 5 years of marriage.

Here’s my list:

1. Timing is everything. Well, maybe not everything but it is important. If you want to have a serious conversation trying to start it after a long hard day when your spouse is tired and edgy isn’t a good idea. Trying to discuss a major decision while the baby is scream is also not a good idea. If there’s stuff to be talked about TALK ABOUT IT, but find a good time to sit down together and calmly talk it through.
2. “Encourage the positive”. That’s how my mom put it when I first got married and went complaining to her. Basically it means instead of focusing on and nitpicking at and complaining about your spouse’s imperfections (the negative), focus on and encourage and praise the good things about your spouse. It’s amazing the difference that perspective and focus can make.
3. Share, share and share some more. Share experiences, share hobbies, share thoughts, share concerns, share worries, share about the little things that happened in your day, share life together. These little shared things bond you to each other over and over again.
4. People fight differently, and they process feelings differently. Recognize your differences in these areas and try to meet each other half way.
5. A marriage is a living breathing entity of its own – it grows and changes. It does NOT ever stay the same. The good, the bad and the really ugly don’t last. It won’t always be the way that it is now. There is an ebb and flow to the best and the worst marriages. Sure there are things that you can do to make the bad last longer or the good last longer, but know that no matter what no season of marriage lasts forever in its same state.

Those are my five little things I’ve learned (from personal experience) about marriage over the past five years.

What about you? What have you learned about marriage? What have you seen other people learn about marriage? I’d love to hear.

Rejoicing in the journey-
Bethany Stedman

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email

The whole six months leading up to my wedding my parents kept telling me that “something is going to go wrong, you just need to roll with the punches.” You’d think they were paranoid I was going to go all psycho on them by how often they told me this. I guess they know me. I have a tendency to be a bit high strung and type-A and a bit of a perfectionist. I can be pretty bossy at times and especially when I was younger I had a temper to match my first-born reputation. Funnily enough I must have taken their advice to heart, or let my husband’s laid back personality rub off on me, because I think I was really calm for the six months of planning the wedding and during our Italy wedding trip. I had a few things that I really wanted – like something besides wedding cake for desert, and a good photographer, and I pushed for those things, but other than that I pretty much said whatever and let things just happen.

I decided early on that I didn’t want to be bridezilla. I didn’t want to make my bridesmaids and everyone else do and wear a bunch of things that that didn’t want to and I didn’t want to spend more than was necessary (I mean we did go to Italy, but other than that I wanted the wedding itself to be very simple). So, I let my bridesmaids each pick their own dress and I just gave them a few requirements so that they would all look good standing together. Basically I told them the dresses had to be black and had to be about knee length and that I didn’t want any of them to have exactly the same neck-line. It worked perfectly. They each choose dresses that flattered their body, that they liked and were able to wear again.

For flowers I was pretty picky about my bouquet (I wanted to have a lot of the same flowers that were in my mothers bouquet and I wanted to use some flowers that had positive traditional meanings/symbolism). But, I kept it simple and easy with the bridesmaids and had them each just carry a single long stemmed white rose. We didn’t have center pieces on the table, I didn’t pick place settings. And I let my dad pick out the menu and food for the evening.

I did sort of get in bossy take charge mode when it came to the rehearsal. I guess the director/choreographer side of me came out. And I did have one minor melt down the day of the wedding. You see the place where we were staying had three balconies. We had planned on having the ceremony on the top balcony since it had the nicest view and then doing the reception on the second balcony since it had this beautiful 900 year old tree that I thought would be lovely to eat and dance under. The day of the wedding the chef said that he wouldn’t carry the food down the stairs to the second balcony and we would have to have the reception on the first balcony. I’ll admit I did panic a little. We had to scramble to re-plan things and move the chairs and tables and we didn’t have time to rehearse the ceremony again – hence why the music for the me entering didn’t last long enough for the longer walk down the aisle on the second balcony. My dad and I ended up walking the last bit of the aisle in silence. But, really in the end I am SO glad that we switched it around. It ended up being so beautiful to get married under the giant tree and having the reception up above was perfect too. It was really how we should have planned it all along.

There were a few other little things that didn’t go quite how I wanted them – like I should have maybe been more specific in picking out our vows since I’d really wanted the old fashioned traditional “in sickness and in health, till death us do part” vows and I guess wasn’t clear enough about that with our pastor (my wonderful brother-in-law). I also didn’t realize that the photographer would want to take some more pictures after the ceremony, which I hadn’t really wanted, but it worked out fine in the end.

There are also things that I sort of wish I had done differently now. Like at the time I was uncompromising about the fact that I didn’t want posed pictures and I specifically picked a photographer who didn’t do posed pictures. Now I sort of wish we had a few nice posed one’s with some of the family. Yes, mom, you were right.

But, overall it really was the best wedding I could have ever imagined. And in the end I got to leave married to the man I love more than anyone else in the world. It was perfect.

Here are a few pictures from the day:

Getting Ready

Walking down the Aisle

The View From Above

The View from Below

The View from the Front

The Reception from Above

Celebrating

Leaving with my hubby (The dress I wore leaving is the same dress my mom wore leaving her wedding)

Our Get Away Car

Rejoicing in the journey-
Bethany Stedman

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email

Mark and I were married almost eleven years ago. It is hard to believe. We have lived together on three continents and have weathered many storms our circumstances (and our fiery tempers) have thrown our way. There are stories of our life together that we’ve named “the-third-time-we-almost-got-divorced” and literally times (especially when we were working in a boarding school in rural Uganda) when we weren’t even on speaking terms. We’ve had good advice (“listen to HOW you are saying that, not just what you are saying”) and bad advice (“just have more sex”). But advice doesn’t really work for us, we kind of have to walk through it ourselves, groping our way along this beautiful, but rocky path.

So the best thing we can share about marriage is where to go for HELP. We went through pre-marital counseling with our beloved Pastor Howard using Dan Allender’s book Intimate Allies. Our Pastor warned us that it is designed more for people who have been married for five years, but he liked to do it before getting married so you know what you are up against. Not only is marriage the most intimate relationship you will ever have, and the most reflective of God’s great love for you; it is also the most damaging relationship you’ll ever have, and your spouse is capable of wounding you far deeper and far more quickly that anyone else. This book recalls an image from The Fellowship of the Ring where Frodo et al are up on Weathertop preparing to hold off the Nazgul, and the party turns their backs in toward each other and their weapons out, protecting each other. (There is a similar scene in Mr. & Mrs. Smith!) Each year that we are married we turn our backs in a little quicker and with less inadvertent damage by unwieldy swords! (The tongue is a double-edged sword, btw!)

We found ourselves at an impasse about five years into our journey. Living in rural Uganda, working in a very tough environment, with no one around with extra energy to help us work out our junk. We really couldn’t say anything to each other without taking it the wrong way and turning into another fight. We remembered Howard’s counsel that this book (Intimate Allies) was better for five years in, so we pulled it off the shelf, blew off the dust and started reading again. We made intentional space to work through it together. We would go away for a long weekend once a month, and read through one chapter, talk through the issues and questions and spend some time really praying together. And it really helped us to START communicating better again. (Of course there’s no book that can “fix” our marriage…but we appreciate the direction this one has given us.)

Now we are in Prague, with two kids. We do life together a little bit better now, but really we just have a lot more space and excuses and other things going on, so we HIDE our junk a LOT better. We’ve hit another rough spot these past few years, so naturally, we were EXCITED to see Dan Allender published a whole marriage SERIES. The Intimate Mystery and the bible studies that spring from it called Intimate Marriage Series, have been fun and insightful. So in our TENTH year of marriage, we decided to rally together a Marriage group (which Bethany and Bryan also attend) here in Prague. This marriage group has been fantastic. We are building intimacy and communication in our marriages, but also in this small community. We are building some accountability and trust. We share the hard stuff and the victories. It’s kind of like a holy group therapy. I am so thankful for the encouragement and the hope that these other four couples bring to us. And it is perfect timing for us.

So take these resources and explore them for yourselves, or tuck them in the back of your mind for someday when you need a little nudge toward loving each other better. Mark and I find, that in our marriage, when we love each other better, it multiplies how much love we can extend toward others.

Joanna Stewart works with World Harvest Mission. She and her husband, Mark lived and taught in rural Uganda for three years; and they are now living in Prague. She is the mercy coordinator for Faith Community Church and spends her time trying to learn how to serve people in the city in the name of Christ. Her hobbies are cooking, knitting, and trying to keep her sons Sasha (4) and Izaak (1) from bleeding.

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email

Love looks like Bryan taking Thaddeus for an entire afternoon so that I can rest while sick.
Love looks like having Thad sleep on my lap for 5 hours of our flight so that Bryan could sleep.
Love looks like Bryan graciously not minding when I go almost a month without shaving my legs.
Love looks like Bryan taking Thaddeus so that I can finally deal with the hairy legs.
Love looks like not minding being sneezed on or coughed at.
Love looks like taking care of each other when we’re sick.
Love looks like steeling a kiss in a busy airport.
Love looks like doing the dishes so that the other person doesn’t have to.
Love looks like holding hands.
Love looks like looking at our sleeping baby and together praising God that he’s ours and that he’s FINALLY asleep.
Love looks like sharing openly about the mix of emotions we are feeling about being back in Prague.
Love looks like holding each other when we cry.
Love looks like re-arranging the furniture AGAIN.
Love looks like every once in a while being able to read each others mind.
Love looks like reaching out for each other in the dark.

Bryan, I love you! I love what our love has looked like over the past five years and I love what it looks like now. You are everything I ever dreamed of and so much more. I love being your friend, lover, and partner for the journey.

Rejoicing in the journey-
Bethany Stedman

PS – that picture was taken tonight.

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email

It was a Saturday and after a busy week of school and work we had planned to have a long day just the two of us. We decided to go to a movie and then to a wine and chocolate tasting at Whole Foods. We had an enjoyable time at the movie and an even more enjoyable time at the wine tasting. After trying some chocolate and wine we decided we weren’t quite ready to head back to Bryan’s parents, where we had plans for dinner. Bryan suggested going down to the Kirkland waterfront and walking by the water a little while. I quickly vetoed that since it was cold and raining (it was February in Seattle after all). I suggested we just walk around Whole Foods for a while more, which is what we did.

We got a gelato and wondered through the store looking at various items, talking casually about food and our future. It was the weekend before Valentine’s day so as we walked we snacked on some candy hearts. Bryan had them all in a bag in his pocket and would pick them out and hand them to me. We’d read the little saying on the top and respond by giggling, or smiling or stealing quick kisses. I remember feeling incredible happy and content.

On the way out Bryan bought me a single rose. THEN we were walking to the car and just as we reached the car and he opened the door for me he handed me another candy heart, this one said “Marry Me”. I was NOT amused. I turned and looked at him with a seriously-how-could-you-tease-me-about-that look on my face only to find that he was getting on his knee and pulling out a ring. I am pretty sure I screamed and kissed him. He says I never actually said yes, but I am pretty sure it was somewhere in that scream.

We got in the car and I instantly started calling my parents, and family and friends. I had gotten about half way through the calls, when we got to Bryan’s parents house. Little did I know that most of my family and friends were already inside. I walked in to find my parents and sister and a number of other people who are near and dear to me. Bryan had planned the whole thing. Poor guy had planned on proposing at the waterfront, but when I vetoed that he needed to come up with another plan as the date came to a close he knew he had to ask before we got back to the house so he did it in the parking lot. We laugh now about the fact that we got engaged in the Whole Foods parking lot (and about the fact that Whole Foods was the only place I went when I was in labor and one of the first places I took my son after he was born – I might like that place a little too much).

The party at Bryan’s parents was perfect. It was good food and great people and we all just talked and dreamed about wedding plans the whole time. That night the girls and I stayed in a hotel room together and had some great girl time dreaming about colors and flowers and other wedding things. The next day we all had brunch together back at Bryan’s parents house and there was a lot more wedding discussion. By the end of brunch we’d all agreed that the wedding would be at a villa in Italy.

Well, that’s how we got engaged. I like thinking back on that story – thanks for letting me reminisce.

If you are married, how did you get engaged? I’d love to hear your story.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email

In the beginning, God created the “and”. He created the heavens AND the earth, the sun AND the moon, the land AND the seas, creatures in the ocean AND in the air. It is as though for each thing He makes, He also fashions a counterpart….He does not choose one OR the other but creates with an all encompassing AND.

As a crowning glory on His of work of art, the scriptures tell us, “male AND female He created them”. He sets up a holy, beautiful tension between these two like-yet-different creatures and we have had to live with it ever since!

See, when we first got married, I am not sure we knew how to live in the “AND”. I really thought my husband and I were so much alike. As we dated, the similarities were striking and I was amazed at how his view on life was so much like mine!! We liked the same things, thought the same thoughts, believed the same things…and there was some truth to that. However, there was some truth to the fact that “either/or” thinking was deeply engrained in both of us. It was either what he wanted or what I wanted; someone would have to switch their ways. It was a small world to live in. There was only room for one kind of something – 1 answer, 1 truth, 1 person. It was a world that valued a soulmate who was made out of the same substance rather than a counterpart who was quite different.

We got married in this paradigm and now it makes me laugh. I think it was God’s way of (lovingly) tricking us into getting to the alter! They say love is blind and covers a multitude of sins, to which I respond “yes, but the length of marriage not only heals our eyesight, but proceeds to uncover all our dirt!”. For us, God had us come together in the safety of marriage so then He could break down our “either/or” thinking in order to lead us into His large and sometimes paradoxical AND.

(I wrote this a few years ago as I was wrestling through being different from my husband…)

Are David and I soulmates? No. Elizabeth Barrett Browning once wrote “whatever the stuff souls are made of, ours are the same substance.” Not so with David and I. Our souls are made of different stuff but they do need each other – to find completeness in the other.

Take sodium & chloride – individually, they are toxic, dangerous elements but together they literally become salt to the world. We are like that. I need him, he needs me. I have a mystic bent; he is a systematic theologian. He wants labels, categories, governing dynamics; I thrive within inexplicable events. He is the voice of reason and logic; I am the voice of imagination and emotion. He is paralyzed by fear, but when fear comes I am ready to pick up my sword and fight. I am paralyzed by being overwhelmed, but in the midst of that he gets calm and becomes an anchor embedded in rock, not tossed by the turbulent seas of emotion.

No, David is not my soulmate – for that would be far too small and easy. It could not stretch my faith or provide the practice field for increasing strength, endurance, and honing the skills given by the Creator. No, he is not my soulmate; he is my completer.

So what does this mean in marriage? It means I do not live in the fantasy of being the same nor in the aloofness of being different. I stand in the reality of our differences and learn to embrace the largeness of male AND female. I learn to share my perspective knowing that it is necessary but not complete. I know I do not need to diminish who I am but do not need to defend it either. And I bring all I am to the table of marriage and he does the same AND somehow in the feasting we become more than what we were.

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email

I have found in my 32 years of being married, that marriage can be an incredibly wonderful experience as well as a hellish one, and that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage because it consists of two imperfect beings. I do believe that marriage is a gift from God, one that should not be taken for granted, and that it is worth all the time, work, and effort it takes to build. There are many ingredients to a healthy and successful marriage.

The first one being Trust. We build trust by allowing ourselves to be accountable to one another as well as surrounding ourselves with those who will ask us the hard questions and keep us accountable. We can create and nurture emotional intimacy by being transparent with one another in a loving and accepting way. As we build trust, it breeds security and respect for each other, which allows us to know that our partner has the health of the marriage as the main priority in everything he or she does.

Forgiveness is essential to a healthy marriage. I have learned that forgiving someone that has wronged you, is not forgetting or even condoning the behavior, but showing grace and choosing reconciliation. It has taken my husband and me many years to bring our two very different ways of conflict resolution together to make them work. Rather than ignoring the situation with cold silence, we’ve learned to talk about the issue as soon as we were able. Sometimes it took awhile to cool down, gain perspective and think clearly, but we learned that resolving it as soon as possible was best for the health of the marriage.

Effective communication means verbalizing needs and listening carefully. We can not expect to go through our marriage without having to face conflict. God made us different, both with faults and strengths, however made to help each other grow spiritually. Learning effective communication skills will certainly help your marriage grow. We learned that “reflective listening” helped us hear what the other was trying to communicate. When one of us would relay a message, the other would repeat back what we heard. We were surprised to find out that many times we heard something that was not even said. This allowed us to clarify what the true issue was before jumping to wrong conclusions and responding prematurely.

One ingredient that is very important to me is Laughter. Humor keeps our marriage fresh and fun. Laughing together has the ability to form two people into kindred spirits, soul mates. Studies have proven that laughter is good for your health and can relieve stress and even pain by producing a natural tranquilizing effect on the body. Laughter can only take place when you spend time together. When you laugh together, the result is bonding and friendship. Laughter, and the resulting friendship, is comfortable, enjoyable and deeply satisfying. Laughter is about connecting. Finding a way to laugh about difficult issues helps you take yourself less seriously, and helps you put problems into focus.

Love and Romance are wonderful qualities to a healthy marriage. In the beginning, it seems to come more naturally than as time goes on, but it is crucial to put effort in keeping this aspect of your union alive. We have found that keeping a “date night” at least once a month is a good way to accomplish this. Once kids enter the picture, it becomes even more important to put the time and effort into keeping the love and romance alive. We have found that the best thing we can do for our kids is to love one another, have a healthy relationship and be a good example for them.

Ultimately, a good marriage is built on a foundation of love; but the bricks-and-mortar that rest on that foundation, such as communication, respect, and spending time together, take some effort. I would like to end with a prayer that I wrote down many years ago, and go back to many times: Lord, you truly are the giver of gifts and the author of marriage.

Lord, thank you for the gift you have given me in my husband. I know in the depths of my soul that you are trust worthy, faithful, all knowing, caring and loving and you knew what you were doing when you gave this gift to me. Help me receive this gift as you intended, help me cherish the differences and see how our gaps fit together instead of resenting them. Help me take on your character to enable me to participate in this union as I truly was meant to. Amen

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email

I want to start this series by sharing Blake and Lisa Stedman with you. If you couldn’t guess from the last name, Blake and Lisa are my in-laws, but they have also been good family friends of my parents for as long as I can remember and I have had the privilege of watching their marriage develop and grow throughout the years even before I was ever interested in their son. Blake and Lisa have so graciously and openly welcomed me into their family and I am honored that they took the time to sit down together and answer these questions for me and for all of you. I hope you enjoy reading this interview as much as I did.

How did you meet?

In High School.  We had driver’s Ed together, but it was not until the second semester of our sophomore year that Blake asked me out.  It was the last day of school in Earth Science when Blake asked me for my number, but he did not call until the next year in our Junior year (we were both shy).

When did you first know that this was the person you were going to marry?

We dated through the rest of high school, broke up in college, got back together during our Junior year of college, it was then that we knew.  During the time that we were apart, we had the opportunity to date other people, and because of that became more sure of each other.

How long did you date for?

5 1/2 years before we got married and 32 years since.

How did you propose?

Blake proposed the first time when we were just out of high school and I was not ready so I said no. After we got back together in college, we were so sure about our relationship that we just began talking about our future together.

One year.  I announced the good news to my sorority sisters by a traditional “candle passing”.  That is when the engagement ring is put in a flower bouquet and is passed around at the sorority meeting and stops at the “bride to be”.  It was so fun and such a dramatic moment, it seemed like a wonderful way to start our engagement, all the planning and the excitement of our new life together.

Tell us a little bit about your wedding?

It was a large traditional Armenian wedding with 550 guests for an elaborate sit down dinner.  It was a huge celebration that lasted well into the next morning.  We got married in the same Armenian Cathedral that my parents got married in, which was the last wedding in that church.

Did you have a difficult first year of marriage?

Yes  How was it adjusting to married life?  We found out very quickly that we were brought up very differently and had different ways to not only look at things but resolve conflicts.  It took many years of hard work to bring about the oneness that God promises.

What was the worst fight you ever had?

When we fought about buying our first house.  To me it was a wonderful home for us and to Blake it was a poor financial decision.

What do you fight about the most?

We used to fight about finances the most.  Since I have gotten more involved in our daily finance make better decisions as a couple and are more on the same page.

What’s the best way to resolve a fight?

Rather than ignoring the situation with cold silence, we’ve learned to talk about the issue as soon as we were able. Sometimes it took awhile to cool down, gain perspective and think clearly, but we learned that resolving it as soon as possible was best for the health of the marriage.

How have your fights changed over the years?

They not as volatile, do not last as long and have become more respectful of each other.

How do you handle when you have conflicting opinions?

We do not make rash decisions, we talk about our opinions and work it through until we come up with something that works for both of us.  Sometimes it takes awhile to accomplish this, but it is worth the time in the long run.

What’s the hardest thing about being married?

Learning to be selfless.

What’s the greatest thing about being married?

Sharing hopes and dreams as well as sharing daily life with your best friend, being known.

Did you ever think about getting divorced? Why or why not?

Yes we both did, but dismissed the idea right away when we realized that because we have children we would be in each others lives for the rest of our life.  We felt that it would be better to work through the issues we had and are very glad that we did.

What have you learned about listening to your spouse?

We have learned that sometimes we hear something completely different than what was intended by the other person.  We started to implement “reflective listening” in which one person states what is on their mind and the other person repeats what they heard.  We were so surprised that many times the information would be completely different.  We would continue the process until we both felt understood and heard.

What makes your marriage work?

Much prayer, much forgiveness and romance.

How did having children effect your marriage?

Our focus had changed, but we learned that it was still very important to make time for one another even though it was much more difficult to do so.

What advice would you have for a newly married couple?

Be forgivers, showing grace and choosing reconciliation.

God intends for marriage to be a lifelong process, so there are many aspects that take years to develop.  Realize that there are many layers to intimacy and takes years to develop.  Treat each other with respect, gentleness, and patience.

Thanks, Blake and Lisa!!

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

The first and last picture were taken by Tara Malouf at Red Thread Photo. The middle two were taken by me, Beth Stedman.

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email