Archive for the ‘metaphors for life’ Category

What’s 40 weeks long and looks a little like Lent and a little like Easter?

April 11th, 2009

Answer: Pregnancy!

That’s right… We’re PREGNANT!

Tomorrow marks the beginning of week 14 putting me FINALLY in my second trimester (the first trimester was really not very enjoyable). So, far this pregnancy has been a bit of a roller coaster ride emotionally and physically. We weren’t planning on getting pregnant and it’s definitely changed some of our plans for this year and will probably change a lot of our plans for the rest of our lives in ways that we can’t even foresee right now. But, we are very excited about this new adventure and new little life. We have both always looked forward to being parents and now, as that reality sinks in, we are no less excited.

For the last few weeks I’ve been thinking (when I can get my brain to think – seriously “pregnancy brain” is not a myth!) about how pregnancy is sort of a cross between Lent and Easter.

Pregnancy is 40 weeks. Maybe that doesn’t seem significant to anyone else, maybe it isn’t really significant and I’m just making something out of nothing, but it seems significant to me. I was just thinking about some of the other things that seem to come in time periods of 40… Lent being 40 days, Jesus spending 40 days being tempted in the desert, Moses and Elijah having 40 day encounters with God, the Israelites spending 40 years in the desert, the flood being 40 days and 40 nights, etc. Anyway, I got to thinking about pregnancy in comparison to some of those things…

In some ways pregnancy feels like Lent to me. Lent is a time when we make sacrifices we give things up in an effort to make more space and room for God in our lives. It’s a time when we search our hearts and souls and repent for wrong doing. And it is a time of growth as well (the word lent has its roots in “spring” and “to lengthen”). Pregnancy also is a time when we make sacrifices; we give things up to create a healthy environment for new life to grow. We give up alcohol, eating certain foods, and caffeine, as well as giving up certain other activities that could be dangerous for us or our child. Like Lent pregnancy can also be a time of deep reflection for many women, searching their hearts and souls, coming to grips with some of their own inadequacies and fears as well as looking at their past and the faults and successes of their own families. It can be a time of growth and change of setting new healthier limits for yourself physically and emotionally. In some ways pregnancy feels like a 40 week Lent.

I was also feeling like pregnancy was in some ways like the Israelites wondering in the desert. The forty years that Israel spent in the desert was a time when they had to rely entirely on God, there was little in their lives that they controlled. They moved when God said to move, they stopped when the cloud or fire stopped. They had no food or no water except that which the Lord directly provided. It wasn’t a time for them taking control and ruling their own lives, it was a time for letting go and allowing God to rule. Pregnancy feels like that to me too. In many ways pregnancy is one of the first truly and completely dependent experiences I’ve ever had. I have absolutely no control over the live growing within me. Sure I can do my best to eat well, rest, and not do things that could be dangerous for the baby. But, I cannot make the baby grow. I have no control over whether this child will live and grow healthily for 40 weeks or whether something will happen and it will be miscarried. I have no control over whether this child will be healthy or whether it will have health problems or disabilities. In many ways I feel entirely helpless, wondering in a desert of change and in actuality almost completely unable to keep myself and my baby safe. Pregnancy is indeed a time of deep trust and letting go of control – two things that have never been easy for me.

In other ways pregnancy feels like Easter. The Easter season, which lasts 50 days, celebrates all that is blossoming and flourishing in our lives. It celebrates the fact that we live as resurrection people, we are part of God’s kingdom come, our God has given us life – life to the full. I love how N.T. Wright put it in Surprised by Hope, “Jesus is risen, therefore God’s new world has begun. Jesus is risen, therefore Israel and the world have been redeemed. Jesus is risen, therefore his followers have a new job to do. And what is that new job? To bring the life of heaven to birth in actual, physical earthly reality.”

In pregnancy I have a clear opportunity to play some small part in joining God in bringing “the life of heaven to birth in actual, physical earthly reality.” Not that there are not many other ways in which we bring life to earth and join God in creating life in the world around us, but pregnancy seems like a particularly unique time in which we have a chance to be God’s vessels for creating. Pregnancy is beautiful, mysterious, celebratory, and full of life and meaning and to me that’s exactly how the Easter season should be as well.

Ok, so that’s the news for those of you who hadn’t heard yet, and my initial thoughts on it, I’m sure there will be more to come later J

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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Lessons from Yoga: Focus

October 2nd, 2008

It’s amazing what a difference focus can make. What we focus on has a dramatic effect on our mood and our lives. Lately I have been focusing on some big questions and issues that feel unsolvable and overwhelming and I’ve felt overwhelmed, depressed, stressed, aggravated and just plain off. So, tonight I called my mom, I wanted to find out about some big stuff that’s going on in her life (which also felt overwhelming to me) but I also wanted someone to commiserate with me. I wanted someone to focus on my stresses and struggles with me. I wanted someone to validate my feelings and feel them with me. What I got was different, but far better. My mom started asking me questions about some of the things that I am excited about in my life right now, and as I shared things with her my focus shifted and by the end of the conversation I no longer felt overwhelmed, stressed, alone and afraid – instead I felt excited and energized. It was amazing the difference it made.

Maybe I’m going too far in saying this, but, right now I feel like focus is everything. When I focus on my lack of control I feel overwhelmed, when I focus on God’s power and realize that He is always in control I feel reassured. When I focus on the big questions of how to pay the upcoming bills I feel overwhelmed, but when I focus on the simple task in front of me I feel reassured.

It reminded me of doing balancing poses in yoga… Sometimes when I’m trying to do a really difficult balancing pose I will focus on getting my body into the pose and no matter what I do I won’t be able to get my body to do it right – I get frustrated and try harder and harder and focus more and more on the big picture of getting into the pose. But, when I relax and take my focus to something else, a small spot on the wall or the place where the floor and wall meet, then suddenly I find my balance and I can do the pose. It’s overwhelming to my mind and body to focus on getting into the difficult pose and focus on keeping my balance in it, but when I take my focus to something else, something simple, a small spot in front of me, my mind can center and my body can balance. In life often I focus on the big picture of trying to fix everything and get my whole life right at once, and I get off balance and fall. But, when I focus just on the task in front of me suddenly things start to fall in place and I have the energy to go farther and do more than I thought I could. Focus really does change everything.

“Simply to do what we ought is an altogether higher, diviner, more potent, more creative thing, than to write the grandest poem, paint the most beautiful picture, carve the mightiest statue, build the most worshiping temple, or dream out the most enchanting commotion of melody and harmony.” – George MacDonald

“There is always a way of doing when one is willing to begin small. This is indeed a divine law! There shall be no success to the man who is not willing to begin small. Small is strong, for it can only grow stronger. Big at the outset is bloated and weak! There are thousands willing to do great things for one willing to do a small thing; but there never was any truly great thing that did not begin small.” – George MacDonald

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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Tilling the Soil

August 10th, 2008

Life has been a bit overwhelming lately. To use a gardening metaphor, it feels like God has been tilling the soil of my heart. It’s a really good and necessary process, but it’s difficult too. Weeds with deep roots get pulled, old soil that hasn’t seen the light of day in years gets dug up, and hard pieces of earth and clay get broken. That’s exactly how I’ve felt lately.

God has been pulling up some weeds – showing me and convicting me of sin and ugliness in my life. And I feel like he has been trying to cleanse me anew from some of the deep seated junk in my heart and life. Sometimes I respond well to his prompting in confession and repentance and other times my heart clings to the familiar weeds and to my own safety. Lord, help me to let go – help me to let go of all that is not of you and all that hurts you. Lord, continue your work in me and pull out all the junk and ugliness that there might be room for new growth.

God has also been turning the soil of my heart, bringing things that have long been buried up to the surface. I feel like around every corner the past few weeks there has been a memory or a realization about my past. There have been a lot of insecurities that have been brought to light in me the past few weeks and God has often also revealed some truth about where those insecurities come from. It has been a week of epiphanies. In some ways it has also been a week of mourning. As I realize more about myself and my story and more of that gets brought into the open I also realize more about my own brokenness and the brokenness of those around me, and I mourn. Lord, help me to accept the digging that you are doing in my soil – help me to let you dig and not to try and stop you before you are finished. I want you to bring to light the very darkest places of me and teach me what I am in you. I feel weary and tired from the process already, but I want to open myself up to you, Lord. Finish the work you began in me.

God has also been breaking the hard soil of my heart. Those places that had become hardened by hurt or pain or fear, the places that I had avoided in my life and in others because it was too difficult to go there – those places God is beginning to break down. I feel my heart softening towards all those around me and unknown to me. I feel myself wanting to plant new seeds of hope and justice in my heart instead of fear, denial, or judgment. But, even as I feel that softening there is a final clinging to my old naiveté. There is a part of me that doesn’t want to be softened, that feels it will be too difficult and too tiring – a part of me that rebels and says that I am fine as I am. Lord, break me, even when I fight against the breaking. Lord, break the judgment in my heart, break the fear that has for so long ruled my life, break my tendency to avoid and run from pain in my life and in others. Help me to instead run towards those who are hurting and in need, just as you did, Lord Jesus. Give me opportunities and the courage needed to fight for justice and to bring hope and help to all those you put in front of me.

Lord, continue to till the soil of my heart, but please, Lord, don’t stop there! Begin to plant seeds in me that will spring forth into works of your glory! In Jesus name, Amen.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

Photograph by Beth Stedman

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