Anyway, this past week I was thinking a lot about marriage – my marriage and the marriages of a few friends who have chosen to share with me about their marriages. I wanted to pray for us and each of them, but I felt stuck. It felt like there was so much I could pray and I had no idea where to start. So, I went to the books. I started with The Celtic Book of Daily Prayer, The Anglican Book of Prayer and the Bible. Before I knew it I was writing – piecing things I found together with my own thoughts and concerns for all of our marriages. This is what I ended up with:

Liturgy for Marriage

Leader:
Father of Marriage,
you created us one for another,
and first established the holy gift of marriage.

Women:
In  your infinite wisdom you knew that it is not good for Man to be alone,
and shaped us from the clay into corresponding shapes,
perfectly fit for one another.

Men:
And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife.

Leader:
Father of Marriage,
draw us back to the beginning.
May we be naked and unashamed before our spouses.
Take away the walls that we build up between us.
Give us courage to open our hearts, minds and bodies to one another ever more deeply,
that we truly can become one in all areas of our beings.
Grant that in our openness we can meet each other with grace, forgiveness and understanding.
Just as there is now no condemnation in Christ Jesus, may there be no condemnation in our marriages.

All:
Father of Marriage,
forgive us for the ways we have tarnished your gift of marriage.

Person 1:
You know our every hidden part, forgive us for the things that we try to keep hidden from our spouses and shine light in the dark places of our souls.
Forgive us for the anger, resentments, and hurts that we hold on to and tuck away.

(pause for reflection)

Person 2:
Father of Marriage,
transform our marriages into your intended sacrament of unity.
May we be to the other a strength in need,
a counselor in perplexity,
a comfort in sorrow,
and a companion in joy.

Leader:
O God, creator and preserver of all life, author of salvation, and giver of all grace: Look with favor upon the world you have made, and especially upon our marriages, which you have sanctified. Eternal God, you are the giver of all good gifts, all that we have has come from your hand, and you have given us one to another.

All:
Draw us this day into a more perfect union, through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.

Leader:
Jesus of Love,
Out of tender love for each one of us  you walked this earth
and chose the way of the cross.

Women:
You have generously bestowed your love upon us,
setting for us an example of how we also should love.

Person 3:
For you, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with
God something to be
grasped;
but made yourself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
you humbled yourself
and became obedient to death -
even death on a cross!

Men:
Lord, in our marriages may we each have that very attitude of Christ -
Daily humbling ourselves and taking on the nature of a servant.

Leader:
Jesus of love,
teach us to submit mutually to one another.
May we love one another deeply as you love the church –
a love marked by giving, not getting.
Your love makes the church whole.
Your love reveals each of us for who we really are, Children of the living God.
Your love evokes beauty.
You see the best in your church, your bride.
Open our eyes as well, that we might see the best in our spouses,
May we see them for the magnificent children of God that they are.
May we see the best in them, believe the best in them, and speak the best of them always.

All:
Jesus of love,
forgive us for the ways in which we have let our self centeredness keep us from following you to the cross in our marriages.

Person 4:
Forgive us for the hurt we have caused in our marriages by what we have done and by what we have left undone.
Forgive us for the ways we have not obeyed you and lived out the gospel in our marriages.
Forgive us for the ways in which we have hindered our communion with you because of the ways we have hindered our communion with our spouses.

(pause for reflection)

Person 5:
Jesus of love,
transform our marriages into a reflection of your love -
that unity may overcome estrangement,
forgiveness heal guilt,
and joy conquer despair.

Leader:
O God, you have so consecrated the covenant of marriage that in it is represented the spiritual unity between Christ and his Church: Send therefore your blessing upon us, that we may so love, honor, and cherish each other in faithfulness and patience, in wisdom and true godliness, that our homes may be a haven of blessing and peace;

All:
through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen

Leader:
Spirit of Unity,
Through you two become one flesh.

Women:
You intercede on our behalf and on behalf of our marriages.
You are full of infinite wisdom and truth.
Your timing is perfect.
And in you is infinite peace.

Men:
You are the vine and we are the branches,
Apart from you we can do nothing.
We cannot change ourselves or our spouses.

All:
We recognize that it is only by your indwelling that we can hope for transformation in our marriages.

Leader:
Spirit of Unity,
We believe and trust that you are present with us and active in our marriages,
And we ask you to come and breathe fresh life into our love.
Give us the light to understand our spouses better.
Give us strength to fight for one another instead of against one another.
Give us passion and deeper desire for each other.

All:
Spirit of Unity,
forgive us for our arrogance and pride.

Person 6:
Forgive us for trying to make our marriages better in our own strength, instead of looking to you and your strength for our transformation.
Forgive us for our lack of unity – for the ways in which we seek out our own personal desires instead of seeking what is best for our spouse and our marriage as a whole.

(pause for reflection)

Person 7:
Spirit of Unity,
transform our marriages into an unbreakable bond.

Person 8:
Excite our love,
strengthen our weakness,
encompass our desire.

Person 9:
Shield our thoughts,
and cradle our bodies,

Person 10:
and as we breath this prayer,
in our hearts may we feel
Your presence.

Leader:
O God, by the power of your Holy Spirit, pour out the abundance of your blessing upon our marriages. Defend us from every enemy. Lead us into all peace. Let our love for each other be a seal upon our hearts, a mantle about our shoulders, and a crown upon our foreheads. Bless us in our work and in our companionship; in our sleeping and in our waking; in our joys and in our sorrows; in our life and in our death. Finally, in your mercy, bring us to that table where your saints feast for ever in your heavenly home;

All:
through Jesus Christ our Lord, who with you and the Holy Spirit lives and reigns, one God, forever and ever. Amen.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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Today I woke up to realize that it is Ash Wednesday, and I felt suddenly like I need Lent this year. Need Lent like I have never needed it before. Lent is when we remember the time the Israelites spent wandering in the desert. Lately, I feel like I am wandering unknown territory, my own desert. Lent is also when we remember Jesus’ temptation in the wilderness. Lately, I feel tempted. I feel tempted to ignore God and focus solely on my immediate physical needs. I feel tempted to escapism instead of being present with where I am and what my life looks like at the moment. I feel tempted to despair and to feel like my life has no broader purpose or vision amidst the mundane of peek-a-boo and dirty dishes.

Lent is also a time of repentance and purification during which we prepare again to celebrate and remember the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I remember learning that for a time in the early church Easter was the only time that they baptized new believers and Lent was for these new believers a time of preparation for baptism. Lent was a time of preparing to enter into the family of God. Eventually “older” believers began to also celebrate Lent as a time to renew their faith and commitment to the resurrection life that God offers. This year I feel this subtle historical significance of Lent. I need this. I need to come to God anew. I need a fresh start with Jesus.

Thanks to Christine Sine I recently read this quote from Joan Chittister’s book The Liturgical Year and it really spoke to me about why I need to participate in Lent yet again:

Lent is not a ritual.  It is time given to think seriously about who Jesus is for us, to renew our faith from the inside out.  It is the moment when, as the baptismal waters flow on every Easter Vigil altar, we return to the baptismal font of the heart to say yes once more to the call of Jesus to the disciples, “Come and see” (John 1:39)  It is the act of beginning our spiritual life all over again refreshed and reoriented.  (111)

I want to begin my “spiritual life all over again refreshed and reoriented.” And so this Ash Wednesday I bow my head and heart and say, “Come, Lord Jesus.” Come and draw me into Lent. Show me once again who you are. Teach me anew who I am. I am thirsty and weak, weary and confused. I don’t know how to listen to you. I don’t know how to speak to you. I don’t know how to follow you. I don’t know how to love you or obey you. Come, Lord. Lead me once again through the desert.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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Let me begin by specifying for all of you that yoga is not in and of itself spiritual. It is not a religion and it does not need to be practiced religiously. I know that there are those who think that yoga is part of Eastern religion and Hinduism in particular and that because of that Christian’s shouldn’t practice it. I strongly disagree with this, on two levels. One being that it’s just not true. Yoga is not religious in and of itself. Yoga is a philosophy. Like any other philosophy it can be incorporated with a broad range of religions or it can be followed or practiced on its own without religious connections. Secondly, I tend to think that even if it was really religious in nature there would still be things that we as Christian’s could learn from it. I think there are probably things that we could learn from a lot of other religions. Not that I think we should openly accept anything and everything that is out there, but I do think that an open and honest dialogue can never be really harmful and that we can glean much from people who believe and practice a faith that is different than our own.

That all being said I think that for me yoga, both the physical practice and the philosophy of yoga have become very spiritual and very closely connected with my religious experience. I have learned and continue to learn a lot about God and life and myself through yoga. And I have experienced God through my yoga practice. It stretches me and grows my faith and draws me into an experience of the divine just as any other spiritual practice does.

I have written off and on quite a bit about how I relate to God through yoga, giving examples of things I learn from yoga and even posting yoga routines that incorporate scripture and prayer and that have been powerful experiences for me. To share all these posts again would be way too much, but I did want to re-share a few of them that specifically talked about things I’ve learned about God and myself through yoga to compliment Christina’s wonderful posts about what she has learned through her yoga experience.

Here are both of Christina’s posts on yoga as a spiritual practice:

Becoming a Good Student – about the “five qualities that contribute to being a good student of yoga and how they relate to natural elements”. She points out that these are also significant qualities needed for being a follower or student of Christ.

Yoga & Jesus – about three of the paths of yoga and how they relate to the greatest commandment given by Jesus. l

Here are just a few of mine:

Lessons from Yoga: Headstands – about experiencing a tangible picture for the up-side-down and back-wards kingdom that Christ calls us to

Lessons from Yoga: Warrior Poses – about power and fighting for justice and standing up for ourselves

Lessons from Yoga: Savasana and Letting Go – about surrendering to God and letting go

Lessons from Yoga: Focus – about the difference that focusing on God instead of ourselves can make

Hope you enjoy some or all of these posts.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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Jason Clark – Smoking to the Glory of God?

Mark Scandrette – Love-Making as a Spiritual Practice

T Freeman – The Spiritual Practice of Apologizing

Brigid Walsh – Gleaning as Spiritual Practice

Bowie Snodgrass – Grief as Spiritual Practice

Thomas Turner – Engagement as Spiritual Practice

Stan Thornburg – Making Space for the Rabbi

Gary Heard – Encountering the Stranger as Spiritual Practice and GPS Navigation as Spiritual Practice

Jason Fowler – Listening for God’s Voice in Music

Sheila Hight – Birdkeeping as Spiritual Practice

Steve Taylor – Composting as Spiritual Practice

John O’Hara – Anyone Can Cook – Spirituality in the Kitchen

Bethany Stedman – crying as a spiritual practice

Christopher Heuertz – Feeling close to God in the graveyard

Gerard Kelly – twittering as a spiritual practice

Tim Mathis – blogging as as a spiritual practice

Mary Naegeli – Writing a sermon as spiritual practice

Hannah Haui – Cultural Protocol as spiritual practice

Jamie Arpin Ricci – Pet Ownership as spiritual practice

Matt Stone – Listening to Enemies as Spiritual Practice

Dan Cooper – Washing Dishes as Spiritual Discipline

Maryellen Young – The spiritual practice of taking a shower

Christine Sine - virtual Eucharist: Is this a spiritual practice

christine Sine - Is Breathing a Spiritual Practice

I found today’s post “Smoking to the Glory of God?” to be particularly helpful to the dialogue as it reminded us that, “Everything can be a ‘spiritual practice’, but not everything is a ‘spiritual practice’.  It is the ends, the means, and the formation that takes place within our activities that determines what is ‘spiritual’.”

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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Let me begin by saying that though I do feel like pregnancy is a spiritual practice of sorts I don’t by any means think that pregnancy is an essential or even really an important spiritual practice. Half of the population (men) will never experience it and many women both by heart ache as well as by choice will also never experience it. For those who want to experience pregnancy but are not able to my heart truly breaks and I do not want this post in any way to rub salt in an open wound. So, please if that is your experience don’t read on if you don’t want to, and don’t hold it against me that I wrote this post.

There is so much I could say about pregnancy being a spiritual practice and experience I’m not really sure where to begin now… well, I guess I’ll just jump in…

To me pregnancy feels like a spiritual practice because it is an act which joins us with the creative life-giving God. In pregnancy we partner with God to bring forth life. I really believe that it is a profound and sacred act, an act which is both entirely temporal and physical and yet also entirely spiritual and non-temporal. I can’t really explain that, I more just feel it, so I’m going to move on to another point.

When I first learned that I was pregnant one of the first things that I felt was an overwhelming sense of being out of control. This was so different from anything I had ever experienced before that it sort of shocked me in its severity. I realized very quickly in my pregnancy that I really had no control over whether this baby lived or died, whether he developed healthily or not, whether my body would do all that it was suppose to or not. I was intimately involved in the process of daily creating and sustaining this life, but I had no conscious control over how it progressed. To me it was (and is) a strange feeling to feel so deeply connected with creating life and yet to feel so removed from it. I have never felt as completely vulnerable as I have felt since being pregnant. Vulnerable to physical pain, to heart ache, loss, and even to death (in fact I have been a little shocked by how the act of bringing forth life can be such a vivid reminder of life’s fragility and end).

This feeling of vulnerability and lack of control have brought me to look at all of life with much more awareness of my own smallness. I have realized through this experience that I am out of control and vulnerable in more areas of my life than just my pregnancy and it has called me to a deeper trust in God and his sovereignty. Through pregnancy I realize anew that there is more to life than meets the eye, there is Other and I am called into a trust relationship with that Other. Through pregnancy I realize that I can’t go at it alone and that I do ultimately control very little in my life and world. Through pregnancy I realize that it is when pain and heart ache are close to us or threaten to be close to us that we most learn to trust the ultimate love and goodness of God. Through pregnancy I learn again to let go and surrender to that which is and will be.

Pregnancy feels like a spiritual practice to me also because it is a time that forces you into waiting. You can’t rush it, you have 40 weeks of waiting and anticipating and wondering and praying. Even though there’s a lot to do to prepare, pregnancy seems like it sort of forces you to slow down and be patient. As I wait for this baby to grow, I wonder what he’s going to be like, I wonder what kind of mom I’m going to be, and in many ways every day I have to let go and wait on God. Trusting him.

Pregnancy also feels like a bit of a spiritual practice to me because it is uncomfortable. It’s not easy being pregnant. Sure it’s beautiful and fulfilling and feminine, but it’s also terribly uncomfortable and awkward. You get nauseous, your back hurts, your skin itches, you get big and your balance changes – just to mention a few. In all honesty your whole body changes. I feel like dealing with the change and discomfort can be a sort of spiritual discipline. How I handle the physical pain and discomfort of pregnancy can teach me how to handle the pain and discomfort of life in general. Can I let go of the discomfort and pain and work through it? Can I continue to live lovingly towards those around me even in the midst of discomfort? Can I let go of my selfishness enough to notice and care for another’s discomfort even amidst my own? But will I also take care of myself when needed and recognize when I am pushing myself too hard and my discomfort is a sign that I need to slow down and rest? Can I listen to what my body is trying to communicate to me? Pregnancy forces me into all these questions and these questions force me to face my own inadequacy and that inadequacy forces me back on my knees before God’s throne of grace.

There is more I could write about pregnancy and the spirituality of it, and how it has drawn me and called me to a deeper relationship with God, but honestly I’m not sure how to put the rest in words yet and I’m not even sure if what I’ve put into words so far will make sense to anyone but me. So maybe I’ll stop here.

I want to close this post by sharing with you a poem that my friend Joanna wrote and gave me at my baby shower. I think it paints a beautiful picture of pregnancy and the spiritual mystery that is present in the act of bringing forth life into the world. I think it also portrays this awe-inspiring dichotomy of it being my body and yet not only my body which brings forth this new creation.

Moonbelly

Blessed are you, womb that heals and holds
Grows and tends
Stretches and shares
The life of mine own
Blessed are you, skin that glows
Ripe and ready for the harvest fruit
Ready for the great harvest of the one within
Blessed are you, bringer of life
Passage of light
Harbinger of all things good and pure
Blessed are you, blood that nurtures, protects and provides
Blood of my blood
Flesh of my flesh
Bone of my bone
Blessed are you, one within
The indwelling indwells with you
The spirit that knows you
Knits you
Loves you
Blessed are you, my sweet gift
Honor and privilege to call you my own
And show you the great love that is mine to give away
To you

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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“Somehow I feel that we have lost our way in the fog of our industrialized efficiencies. Quick trips to the super warehouse mega store to pick up a slab of this and a pound of that – or more threateningly, something food-ish that has already been prepared, packaged and preheated and frozen in a factory before it reaches us – reduce us to a kind of two-dimensionality, to the vocation of a consumer, when instead we are so much more complex and beautiful creatures who were designed to participate in the food chain, not just feed off the top of it like some glorified trough. What we gain in convenience through supermarkets and fast food, we lose in the quality and tenor of that relationship to what we consume. In the preparation of food, in choosing foods that are local and in season, we are fractionally returning to a more vibrant stewardship over creation. One cannot help but imagine that doing so enhances our worship relationship with the Creator.”

I like this idea of food preparation and cooking as an act of worship. I like the idea of choosing foods consciously, making good stewardship choices when it comes to the food we eat. I like the idea of being more aware of what is in our food and more connected with where our food comes from. To me this seems like a healthy way to enter into worship through food. I also think that there is more to be said about how cooking and food preparation and eating are a spiritual practice. I just had a few more thoughts on the topic and decided I would throw them into the mix as well.

For as long as I can remember my dad has loved to cook. He reads cook books for fun. He makes elaborate gourmet meals. He’s taken cooking classes in France. Some of my best memories of my dad are cooking with him in the kitchen. I grew up knowing that good cooking couldn’t be rushed. You didn’t buy it in packages, it came from fresh ingredients prepared just right. Cooking isn’t just a necessity for survival, cooking is art. And I think I realize more and more now that cooking is also spiritual.

I believe that we are physical beings and God chooses to meet us in our physicality. In some ways as human beings I think we come closest to spirituality and experiencing God during experience that are most tangible and sensual. Cooking is like that. Cooking is incredibly tangible, and kinesthetic, and sensual.

The feel of dried beans running through your fingers

The sound that lettuce makes when you tear it

The smell of sauces cooking on the stove top

The feel of garlic as the peel slides between your fingers

The beauty of a ruby red ripe tomato

The rhythmic action of chopping onion

The smell of fresh parsley

The fragrance of dried herbs

The action of mixing unique individual ingredients into a creation that engages all of your taste buds.

Cooking is an act for the senses. It engages the body in a way that reminds us physically of the life and beauty all around us. In cooking we experience God’s provision, God’s creativity, God’s life and beauty and we experience it tangibly with our senses. Our bodies and senses experience that which our mind often forgets.

I think it’s interesting that so many religions have feasts attached to their holidays, and sacred celebrations. Somewhere within we know that there is something sacred about cooking and eating together. As we cook we join God in his creative action and as we eat we take that which is living into ourselves and from it derive life for another day. Cooking and eating is the simplest and most daily of actions, but to me it seems that it can also be one of the most spiritual and holy. What do you think?

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

Photographs by Beth Stedman

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I think I grew up thinking that the only real way to connect with God and the only real spiritual practices where reading your Bible and praying, maybe I would have also considered going to church (and listening to a sermon) and Bible study with other believers to be spiritual practices as well, but that was pretty much the extent of it. As I got a little older my repertoire of spiritual practices expanded just a little to include some other classic standards like solitude/silence and fasting. But, I think deep down I knew that I also encountered and experienced God in numerous other ways that didn’t fit into the box of traditional spiritual practices. And it wasn’t until I got even a bit older that I felt free enough to allow myself to engage in spiritual activities and spiritual practices that didn’t fit the normal model I’d grown up with.

Here’s how Christine Sine defines Spiritual practices for her: “for me a spiritual practice is any routine I perform on a regular basis that connects me more intimately with God and God’s purposes.”

I like that. It got me thinking about what things in my regular, everyday kind of life connect me more intimately with God and God’s purposes. There are quite a few things that have come to mind and maybe I’ll write about some of the other one’s in the weeks to come, but for today I want to talk about crying.

For me crying is a spiritual practice, a spiritual experience that changes me and takes me closer to the heart of my Father. Allow me to explain and expand a little… To start with, understand that I’m not really the type who cries at the drop of a hat. You have to be a pretty close friend to have seen me cry as I usually only cry around people I feel really comfortable with. But, I do cry fairly regularly and when I cry I really cry. It usually starts with some little trigger and then grows until I’m crying about everything that I possibly could cry about.

But, there’s something that almost always happens at some point during my crying which I’m not sure is normal or not, maybe it shows my own weakness of faith, but almost always at some point my crying escalates and get’s turned on God. Suddenly it isn’t just about whatever it is I’m crying about, suddenly it’s about me and God and all my insecurities in my relationship with God. Suddenly, all of my doubt, distrust and fear, and all of my anger and accusations come out to play. Suddenly I’m face to face with all my ugliness, all the ugly deep thoughts and feelings I have towards God. Suddenly my sense of God’s sovereignty comes into play and it’s all His fault. Sometimes this moment leads to more tears and sadness, sometimes it leads to guilt and my disappointment in myself for my own distrust of God (which also leads to more tears), sometimes it leads to anger and outright yelling at God (again more tears).

The answer to these moments is always silence. In these moments God has never once defended himself. He hasn’t defended himself through someone else who was with me, or through bringing to mind scripture that I know, or in any other way. It’s always silence. But, I can feel him there, sometimes it’s so heavy that I feel like he’s standing right in front of me just silently looking at me, absorbing all of my accusations and confusion and doubt and just waiting.

But, just as surely as my crying sessions lead to that moment they also lead to another moment. Eventually I get to a place where I’ve cried it all out, where there is no fight left in me. I eventually get to a place where the sadness and anger and fear have run their course and I’m left feeling completely empty and vulnerable. My tantrum has run its course. My tears have done their job and have cleansed out of me all that ugliness and I sit there with it all exposed before me and God. There isn’t anywhere to hide anymore. It’s in this moment that God really comes close. Again he doesn’t answer my questions, ease my fears, or defend against my accusations. He just comes close and holds me in all my vulnerability. And in that moment I feel peace.

That is why crying is a spiritual practice for me. We all need moments like that. Moments that expose our ugliness. Moments that break down our defenses and leave us vulnerable. Moments that cleanse us and bring us to a new place of surrender to a God that we don’t understand. For me those moments happen when I really let myself fall apart and cry.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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