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From the Trenches: Scott and Karen Nelson

Posted on August 22nd, 2010

Today I want to share with you a couple that is very important to me… My Parents. My parent’s relationship has shaped my view of marriage in so many ways. My prayer from the time I was very young was always that my marriage would be at least as good as my parents. They have the one of the best marriage relationships of anyone I know. So, I was very excited to interview them and share their insight with all of you. I had a great time interviewing them and feel like I even learned some things I didn’t know about them. They also shared some very helpful insight into marriage.

The quality on this video is not that good since it was taken in the car on the way to visit my grandmother in Tuscan, Arizona. Anyone who knows my parents will not be at all surprised by the fact that a drive to Tuscan was the only time we could get around to this interview – my parents own a company and lead VERY busy lives. But, I think this video is definitely worth the watch even with the poor lighting and sound, and the fact that you only see my dad’s head from the side.

I will also warn you that the video is very long – about 23 minutes. But, again I totally feel this is worth the watch. The more into it we got the more little tips and insights my parents shared.

I hope you all enjoy this video interview as much as I enjoyed doing it!

Thanks again, mom and dad, for doing this interview for me and sharing about your marriage! And thank you for the wonderful example of marriage that you have set for me throughout the years. I love you!

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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Helpful Marriage Resources

Posted on August 20th, 2010

This post is a guest post from my friend, Joanna. I really don’t think I could say enough good things about Joanna and her husband Mark. They have become like family for us here in Prague and I am so blessed and honored by my association with them. One of the things I love most about them is that they have really so openly invited my husband and I into their lives. They have shared with us so honestly about both the good and the difficult in their own marriage and given us space to do the same. Thank you, dear friends!

Mark and I were married almost eleven years ago. It is hard to believe. We have lived together on three continents and have weathered many storms our circumstances (and our fiery tempers) have thrown our way. There are stories of our life together that we’ve named “the-third-time-we-almost-got-divorced” and literally times (especially when we were working in a boarding school in rural Uganda) when we weren’t even on speaking terms. We’ve had good advice (”listen to HOW you are saying that, not just what you are saying”) and bad advice (”just have more sex”). But advice doesn’t really work for us, we kind of have to walk through it ourselves, groping our way along this beautiful, but rocky path.

So the best thing we can share about marriage is where to go for HELP. We went through pre-marital counseling with our beloved Pastor Howard using Dan Allender’s book Intimate Allies. Our Pastor warned us that it is designed more for people who have been married for five years, but he liked to do it before getting married so you know what you are up against. Not only is marriage the most intimate relationship you will ever have, and the most reflective of God’s great love for you; it is also the most damaging relationship you’ll ever have, and your spouse is capable of wounding you far deeper and far more quickly that anyone else. This book recalls an image from The Fellowship of the Ring where Frodo et al are up on Weathertop preparing to hold off the Nazgul, and the party turns their backs in toward each other and their weapons out, protecting each other. (There is a similar scene in Mr. & Mrs. Smith!) Each year that we are married we turn our backs in a little quicker and with less inadvertent damage by unwieldy swords! (The tongue is a double-edged sword, btw!)

We found ourselves at an impasse about five years into our journey. Living in rural Uganda, working in a very tough environment, with no one around with extra energy to help us work out our junk. We really couldn’t say anything to each other without taking it the wrong way and turning into another fight. We remembered Howard’s counsel that this book (Intimate Allies) was better for five years in, so we pulled it off the shelf, blew off the dust and started reading again. We made intentional space to work through it together. We would go away for a long weekend once a month, and read through one chapter, talk through the issues and questions and spend some time really praying together. And it really helped us to START communicating better again. (Of course there’s no book that can “fix” our marriage…but we appreciate the direction this one has given us.)

Now we are in Prague, with two kids. We do life together a little bit better now, but really we just have a lot more space and excuses and other things going on, so we HIDE our junk a LOT better. We’ve hit another rough spot these past few years, so naturally, we were EXCITED to see Dan Allender published a whole marriage SERIES. The Intimate Mystery and the bible studies that spring from it called Intimate Marriage Series, have been fun and insightful. So in our TENTH year of marriage, we decided to rally together a Marriage group (which Bethany and Bryan also attend) here in Prague. This marriage group has been fantastic. We are building intimacy and communication in our marriages, but also in this small community. We are building some accountability and trust. We share the hard stuff and the victories. It’s kind of like a holy group therapy. I am so thankful for the encouragement and the hope that these other four couples bring to us. And it is perfect timing for us.

So take these resources and explore them for yourselves, or tuck them in the back of your mind for someday when you need a little nudge toward loving each other better. Mark and I find, that in our marriage, when we love each other better, it multiplies how much love we can extend toward others.

Joanna Stewart works with World Harvest Mission. She and her husband, Mark lived and taught in rural Uganda for three years; and they are now living in Prague. She is the mercy coordinator for Faith Community Church and spends her time trying to learn how to serve people in the city in the name of Christ. Her hobbies are cooking, knitting, and trying to keep her sons Sasha (4) and Izaak (1) from bleeding.

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My 5th Wedding Anniversary

Posted on August 19th, 2010

4-up on 2010-08-19 at 00.39 Today Bryan and I have been married for five years. We flew into Prague last night. The baby and I are sick. So, you can imagine how our day has been. Our anniversary looked different than what it’s looked like before, and what I had imagined it would look like. In fact LOVE itself looks different now then it did before. But, it’s a really good thing. Here’s my tribute to what love looks like five years in with a baby…

Love looks like Bryan taking Thaddeus for an entire afternoon so that I can rest while sick.
Love looks like having Thad sleep on my lap for 5 hours of our flight so that Bryan could sleep.
Love looks like Bryan graciously not minding when I go almost a month without shaving my legs.
Love looks like Bryan taking Thaddeus so that I can finally deal with the hairy legs.
Love looks like not minding being sneezed on or coughed at.
Love looks like taking care of each other when we’re sick.
Love looks like steeling a kiss in a busy airport.
Love looks like doing the dishes so that the other person doesn’t have to.
Love looks like holding hands.
Love looks like looking at our sleeping baby and together praising God that he’s ours and that he’s FINALLY asleep.
Love looks like sharing openly about the mix of emotions we are feeling about being back in Prague.
Love looks like holding each other when we cry.
Love looks like re-arranging the furniture AGAIN.
Love looks like every once in a while being able to read each others mind.
Love looks like reaching out for each other in the dark.

Bryan, I love you! I love what our love has looked like over the past five years and I love what it looks like now. You are everything I ever dreamed of and so much more. I love being your friend, lover, and partner for the journey.

Rejoicing in the journey-
Bethany Stedman

PS – that picture was taken tonight.

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Two Yummy Date Night Recipes

Posted on August 17th, 2010

This is another guest blog from my friend, Melissa. She shares two recipes that she’s tried and really enjoyed and they sound delicious. For some reason as soon as I read these recipes I pictured eating them over candlelight while holding hands with my hubby, so I think they make a perfect date night meal. And a great addition to Love and Marriage month. Enjoy!

One of the things I love about Bethany’s blog lately is the discussion of food and recipes. I love food. My husband actually makes fun of me about it and says it never fails that if you put food in front of me that I am about to eat I will have a huge smile on my face… and he’s pretty much right.

So I enjoy watching Food Network tv and learning cooking tips and trying new recipes. Sometimes I really get in the mood to cook and CREATE something, almost like an artistic endeavor. So sometimes I search www.foodnetwork.com or other websites or magazines for interesting recipes and for something new to try. A lot of the recipes take a little more work than your usual week night dinner. Some of them have been big flops. I remember I tried one homemade roasted tomato soup recipe. About 3 hours and two whole sink full of dishes later I had a bowl of soup that basically tasted like Campbell’s canned tomato soup. So disappointing after all that work! But I’ve picked out two recipes today that while they do take a little effort, are well worth it, at least in my opinion.

Chicken Tetrazzini by Giada

Ingredients

9 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons olive oil
4 boneless skinless chicken breasts
2 1/4 teaspoons salt
1 1/4 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper
1 pound white mushrooms, sliced
1 large onion, finely chopped
5 cloves garlic, minced
1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme leaves
1/2 cup dry white wine
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
4 cups whole milk, room temperature
1 cup heavy whipping cream, room temperature
1 cup chicken broth
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
12 ounces linguine or spaghetti noodles
3/4 cup frozen peas
1/4 cup chopped fresh Italian parsley leaves
1 cup grated Parmesan
1/4 cup dried Italian-style breadcrumbs

Click here to get the directions for the recipe.

My little tweaks/recommendations

Like I said this does take a while to prep, so I cooked the chicken ahead of time.
I did ½ pound of white button mushrooms and ½ pound of crimini mushrooms, just because I love the meaty smoky flavor of the crimini
Definitely try and use the fresh thyme if you can, the fresh herbs just make all the difference
I don’t normally buy whole milk so I just used a little less milk than the recipes called for (2% is what I used) and a little more heavy cream than was called for in the sauce and it turned out super creamy and delicious!

This second recipe is a special occasion dessert I found from the local newspaper around Christmas time. It too takes several steps but I really enjoyed it. It really lives up to its name. Obviously if you’re allergic to egg whites or don’t like meringue better skip this one.

Cherry Berry on a Cloud

For meringue

6 egg white, room temperature
½ tsp cream of tartar
¼ tsp salt
1 ¾ cup of granulated sugar

For middle layer

6 oz cream cheese, softened
1 cup granulated sugar
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups heavy cream, whipped

For topping

1 can (16 oz) cherry pie filling
1 tsp lemon juice
2 (15 –ounce) packages of frozen strawberries in sweetened syrup, thawed

To make meringue shell, preheat oven to 275 degrees. Beat egg whites, cream of tartar and salt until frothy. Continue beating gradually adding sugar and continuing to beat until stiff and glossy, about 10 minutes. Spread into greased 13×9 inch glass baking dish. Bake 60 minutes. Meringue should about double in size and be a golden color. When done, turn off oven but leave in oven to cool completely. (Now me being the impatient cook that I am didn’t allow it to “completely cook” and the meringue kinda collapsed and cracked in places, but even with that it was still good! Next time I’ll try to find my inner patience and allow to “cool completely” )

When shell is cool, blend cream cheese with sugar and vanilla. Fold in whipped cream. Spread this mixture over meringue shell and refrigerate for at least 12 hours.

When ready to serve, mix topping ingredients and spoon over cream-cheese mixture. If you want to go the no preservative more natural type of route I would try skipping the packaged cherry pie filling and frozen sweetened strawberries and just mashing up some fresh strawberries mixed with sugar for the topping. I’m sure that would be just as delicious.

This recipe has just the right amount of creaminess with the middle cream cheese but doesn’t get to heavy because the meringue is so light and fluffy. It really is like biting into a delicious heavenly cloud!

Tips for whipping cream: If you haven’t whipped cream before I let you in on the trick that my husband had to teach me. Everything needs to be cold. The cream, the bowl you are going to use to whip it, and even the beaters. So put the bowl (glass or metal) and beaters in the freezer for about 30 minutes before you whip the cream. I always use an electric stand mixer. If you can do it my hand you get the elbow grease award!

I’m a Christian, wife, medical professional, and soon to be mother from Phoenix, Arizona. I am fascinated with the physiology of our bodies, love almost all things food, and love to travel when I get the opportunity. I often find myself trying to find a balance between two very different ideas i.e. the science of western medicine and the methodologies of Eastern and naturopathic medicine, having a “family bed” vs “Ferberizing” my baby, fighting between champagne taste and a beer budget, etc. I feel like there is a ying and yang to everything and and my journey right now is about trying to find that balance… that and doing all the other everyday chores that need to be done.

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My Story: How I Got Engaged

Posted on August 12th, 2010

n627823094_260099_7122 Today I want to share with you about how my husband proposed. We had been dating for just over a year and personally I was already chomping at the bit to get married. I was very ready! In fact I might have been a little annoying. I remember the day before Bryan proposed I had a dream that he proposed and all my family and friends were there and I remember telling him that dream and him basically telling me something to the extent of “Well, you are just going to have to wait. I’ve got to save up for a ring, I might want to finish school first. Just be patient.” Well, he sure fooled me.

It was a Saturday and after a busy week of school and work we had planned to have a long day just the two of us. We decided to go to a movie and then to a wine and chocolate tasting at Whole Foods. We had an enjoyable time at the movie and an even more enjoyable time at the wine tasting. After trying some chocolate and wine we decided we weren’t quite ready to head back to Bryan’s parents, where we had plans for dinner. Bryan suggested going down to the Kirkland waterfront and walking by the water a little while. I quickly vetoed that since it was cold and raining (it was February in Seattle after all). I suggested we just walk around Whole Foods for a while more, which is what we did.

We got a gelato and wondered through the store looking at various items, talking casually about food and our future. It was the weekend before Valentine’s day so as we walked we snacked on some candy hearts. Bryan had them all in a bag in his pocket and would pick them out and hand them to me. We’d read the little saying on the top and respond by giggling, or smiling or stealing quick kisses. I remember feeling incredible happy and content.

On the way out Bryan bought me a single rose. THEN we were walking to the car and just as we reached the car and he opened the door for me he handed me another candy heart, this one said “Marry Me”. I was NOT amused. I turned and looked at him with a seriously-how-could-you-tease-me-about-that look on my face only to find that he was getting on his knee and pulling out a ring. I am pretty sure I screamed and kissed him. He says I never actually said yes, but I am pretty sure it was somewhere in that scream.

We got in the car and I instantly started calling my parents, and family and friends. I had gotten about half way through the calls, when we got to Bryan’s parents house. Little did I know that most of my family and friends were already inside. I walked in to find my parents and sister and a number of other people who are near and dear to me. Bryan had planned the whole thing. Poor guy had planned on proposing at the waterfront, but when I vetoed that he needed to come up with another plan as the date came to a close he knew he had to ask before we got back to the house so he did it in the parking lot. We laugh now about the fact that we got engaged in the Whole Foods parking lot (and about the fact that Whole Foods was the only place I went when I was in labor and one of the first places I took my son after he was born – I might like that place a little too much).

The party at Bryan’s parents was perfect. It was good food and great people and we all just talked and dreamed about wedding plans the whole time. That night the girls and I stayed in a hotel room together and had some great girl time dreaming about colors and flowers and other wedding things. The next day we all had brunch together back at Bryan’s parents house and there was a lot more wedding discussion. By the end of brunch we’d all agreed that the wedding would be at a villa in Italy.

Well, that’s how we got engaged. I like thinking back on that story – thanks for letting me reminisce.

If you are married, how did you get engaged? I’d love to hear your story.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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