Posts Tagged ‘Christian marriage’

Marriage: A Picture of God’s Love

August 30th, 2010

This is a guest post from my husband’s “younger uncle”, Geoff. I haven’t spent as much time with Geoff as I would like, but what little time we have spent with him and his beautiful wife, Devon, has been a deep pleasure. They are a wonderful couple who are deeply seeking God and I am excited for the future that lies ahead of them. Geoff is also sort of special to me because my wedding and the people he met there had a profound influence on his heart and were indirectly involved in leading him to make some major life changes and get into ministry. I always prayed that my wedding would be life changing for someone and Geoff was that someone. Thanks for sharing this post, Geoff! I pray that my own marriage as well as yours would always be a beautiful picture of God’s love for all who encounter it.

4155_86597503094_627823094_1842071_7986138_nI have to start off this post by saying that I am not necessarily writing out of experience. Because I have only been married a little over a year, and do not have the luxury of a 32-year marriage like my wonderful sister and previous blogger Lisa Stedman, I decided to share some thoughts that I have on the purpose and function of marriage, and the hope for my own marriage

What is so intriguing to me about marriage is what it is. There’s no doubt that if you asked 10 people what marriage is, at least 9 of them would say, “A commitment”. This is absolutely true. However, as beautiful as a lifelong commitment is and can be, if we reduce marriage down to only that, we miss out on the depth, beauty and purpose of marriage.

So if marriage is not just a commitment, then what is it? Well, to get the answer we must go to a source that defines what marriage is, the Bible. Probably one of the clearest definitions of marriage is found in Ephesians 5. Paul is writing to the church in Ephesus and speaking about this topic, and quoting the Creator of marriage Himself, he pens these words:

“’Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”’ (Eph. 5:31, 32)

Whenever God creates something, He does it with incredible purpose and marriage is no different. In fact, I believe that marriage has one of the greatest purposes in the world. And that is to be a picture to the world of what God did for us through Jesus on the cross, and our response to that.

Stories and pictures are tools used by teachers to help the listeners understand, with even more clarity, the point of the story. God is no different, and when thinking about how to clearly portray4155_86597533094_627823094_1842077_7995748_nhow fulfilling and beautiful a relationship with Him could be, He decided to use marriage. That’s why a couple verses before Paul gives his explanation we just read, he instructs husbands to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”. And that the wives, in response to the sacrifice of their husbands, should “submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” If this is happening in a marriage, it is functioning as a picture to the rest of the world of what being in a relationship with God is like. I can’t help but think of Jesus’ words in John 17 when He says,

“The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.”

If nothing else, I hope this post serves as a reminder that there is such a beautiful purpose in our marriage that goes beyond ourselves. That if we fulfill our God-given roles in our marriages, the world might know that God sent Jesus and loves them even as He loved Him. In my opinion, there couldn’t be a more fulfilling or rewarding purpose for our marriages than this.

4155_86597133094_627823094_1842003_6622457_nGeoff Francian was married to his wife Devin in 2009. They currently live in San Diego, California. Geoff has spent the last 5 years in ministry at a local church. His passions outside of ministry include, in no particular order, both playing and watching basketball (Go Lakers!), golfing, reading, and movie nights with his wife, complete with a bottle of wine and a plate of assorted cheeses.

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email

If you like this post please consider buying me a cup of tea (Suggested: $3 a cup)



Complementarianism, Christian Egalitarianism, and some other thoughts…

February 15th, 2008

In keeping with the focus I picked for this week of Lent – family/marriage - I have been thinking a little bit about the different ideas held by Christians on leadership and authority in marriage.

Most of the churches that I have grown up in and the people I have been around have taught and encouraged a Complementarian view of marriage. The Complementarian view is that men and women are “equal in their essential dignity and human personhood, but different and complementary in function with male headship in the home and in the Church.” And on some levels I think this is still the view that I subscribe to… mainly because its so framiliar to me, but also because I know myself and I know my husband. We are clearly very, very different and we clearly need different things and it makes sense to me to acknowledge those differences in desires/needs when talking about our roles in marriage. But, I also struggle with this view and there are times when I have problems with it… clearly there are those who have taken and do take this view and take the concept of Christian hierarchy in marriage and do terrible things in the name of it. But, I’m not really talking about that… sometimes I feel like even in a genuine and kind adherence to this view there are some problems and it can push women and their view points and opinions to the side lines and margins in a way that can be detrimental not just to those women but to those who could benefit from what those women have to add to the conversation. I think in all honesty even though I have theoretically subscribed to this view I don’t think I have ever liked it much. But, I think I started being more ok with this idea when I got married…which is odd, right? I started thinking about why that is and I thought maybe it was just because I married well and my husband is someone who I don’t mind submitting to and following – I trust him. But, then I started thinking about it more and realized that in our marriage I never really have “submitted” and never have really needed to. There has really never been a decision we have made that we haven’t talked through together and come to some sort of agreement together. So, that got me thinking…we both would probably call ourselves Complementarians…but are we really? In actuality… in how we really live out our relationship are with Complementarians…I don’t really think so…

Christian Egalitarianism is the other major view on authority and leadership in marriage and the more I hear and read about it the more it makes sense to me. And the more I realize that in actual practice is is probably closer to how my husband and I treat each other.

Really though I think the best view I’ve ever seen on authority and leadership in marriage comes from watching my parents relationship and listening to some of the things that they have said about marriage…
I vividly remember my dad and I talking about Ephesians 5 once. We were talking about the role of husbands and wives that Paul lays out there and I remember my dad stopping me and telling me to look at it in the context of the whole chapter. He pointed out verse 21 (the last verse under the previous heading and the right before the section on wives and husbands) it says “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” – submit to one another! Wives submit to your husbands! Husbands submit to your wives! Each of you submit to one another! My dad then pointed out what if we thought of it not so much in term of men being the head and women submitting but in terms of each of us submitting to the other one. I thought a lot about this and later it dawned on me maybe Paul is just laying out in this section HOW we should submit to one another. Wives how should you submit to your husband’s? By respecting him!  You show respect to him by letting him know that you believe in him, and trust him and think he’s a man – by listening to him and yielding to him as if you were listening and yielding to Christ himself.  And husbands how are you to submit to your wife? By loving her! You love her and submit to her by giving yourself up for her – by putting her needs and desires above your own just like Christ loved us and gave up his very life for us. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Lord, you have created us unique yet equal. In Christ there is truly “neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female for [we] are all one in Christ Jesus”. But, you have called us each to submit. You call us to submit to you and to in turn submit to one another. You call us to serve one another in love. You call us each to be imitators of Christ and to like him make ourselves nothing, “taking the very nature of a servant”. Lord, forgive me for the times when I have been unloving toward my husband, the times when I haven’t submitted to him, the times when I haven’t served him, the times when I haven’t respected him, the times when I haven’t put his needs above my own. Forgive me for what I have done and for what I have left undone in my marriage. And teach me not to fight for control but to in humility take on the very likeness of Christ and serve. In Jesus name. Amen.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Beth Stedman

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email

If you like this post please consider buying me a cup of tea (Suggested: $3 a cup)



Quotes on love and marriage for Valentine’s Day

February 14th, 2008

So, I’ve had a blog in some form or another for something like 6 years now and for most of those Valentine’s Day’s I have written an entry to share a number of quotes about love and marriage. I was going back and forth as to whether or not to do this quote collection this year and finally decided to go for it. I hope you all enjoy these quotes on love and marriage this Valentine’s Day J

“I believe that the most lawless and inordinate loves are less contrary to God’s will than a self-invited and self-protective lovelessness…Christ did not teach and suffer that we might become, even in the natural loves, more careful of our own happiness…we shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armor. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it” – C.S. Lewis 

“All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest–never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.” – Ann Landers 

“Every marriage moves either toward enhancing one another’s glory or toward degrading each other.” – Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III

“Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.” – Mark Twain

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” – Friedrich Nietzsche 

“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.” – Tom Mullen

“Allow your marriage relationship to stretch your love and to enlarge your capacity for love – to teach you to be a Christian. Use marriage as a practice court, where you learn to accept another person and serve him or her. And please don’t limit this ‘love’ to ‘spiritual’ things like praying, preaching and exhorting. Part of the experience of love is delighting each other in very ‘earthy’ ways. This, too, is a biblical truth.” – Gary Thomas

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin

“Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate, intimate dance together and nothing matters more than your own sense of balance and your choice of partner.” – Amy Bloom

“Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.” – Barnett Brickner 

“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.” – Ruth Bell Graham“

The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.” – Robert C. Dodds

“Once we enter the marriage relationship, we cannot love God without loving our spouse as well.” – Gary Thomas

Rejoicing in the journey -
Beth Stedman

 

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email

If you like this post please consider buying me a cup of tea (Suggested: $3 a cup)



Lent and Valentine’s Day

February 12th, 2008

italy-pictures-034.jpgWarning: This post is mostly about marriage and directed toward the married… if you are not married then I apologize to you for this more specific post…   

I was thinking a few days about how it seems weird to me that Valentine’s day happens during lent – it just felt strange to have a mushy, happy holiday about romantic love happen during a season that is focused on repentance and sacrifice. But, then I started thinking more about it and realized that Lent is the perfect time for Valentine’s day.

Lent is about recognizing brokenness and sin in our lives and our world, but it’s also about repenting of brokenness or sin in our lives. Lent is about turning away from brokenness and turning toward wholeness. What better place to start that process of recognizing and naming sin in our lives and repenting and repairing brokenness then in the sacred sacrament of marriage? If our marriages are to be examples and witnesses of Christ’s relationship with the church then it should be essential that we repair brokenness in them quickly that it might not hinder our witness. If our marriages are to be examples of Christ’s relationship with the church then they should also be examples of the healing and wholeness that sacrificial love can bring.

But, there’s another reason as well that marriage seems to me like a good next step of focus for this Lenten journey through brokenness to wholeness… My husband knows my brokenness and sin better than anyone else – he lives in close proximity to it – he feels the effects of it every day. For “[marriage] is the merciless revealer, the great white searchlight turned on the darkest places of human nature” (Katherine Anne Porter). My husband deserves my apology and my repentance maybe more than any other human being. And since I also live in such close proximity to him and his brokenness, he deserves my forgiveness and grace first and foremost.

So, I decided to take this next week or so of lent to focus on my relationship with my husband. Not that I shouldn’t do this always, but maybe in this more focused season we can create some habits of love that will last throughout the year. After having looked in the mirror and looked at my own heart, it seems essential to me that my journey through lent would next lead me to beginning the process of mending any current brokenness or separating in the relationship that is closest to me. For me that is my relationship with my husband. Hopefully in focusing on my marriage relationship I will along the way mend areas of my life that have been separated or broken from God as well.  

It seems clear to me that marriage is a sacred sacrament – a sacrament can be defined as a rite that serves as a means of grace and faith in our lives. So, I pray that this week especially God would use my marriage to mediate grace to me and my husband.  
It is clear to me that marriage is to be an example and witness of Christ’s sacrificial love for the church. So, I pray that this week especially Christ would show and teach my husband and I how to better live up to this high calling to show through the common marriage relationship the very uncommon, miraculous and mysterious relationship of Christ and his bride, the church.
It seems clear to me that my husband needs my forgiveness and sacrificial love and I need his. So, I pray that this week especially the Holy Spirit would show us our sin, our brokenness, and our pride and would lead us to genuine repentance and a restored relationship with each other and with God.  

Rejoicing in the journey -
Beth Stedman

Photograph by Blake Stedman

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email

If you like this post please consider buying me a cup of tea (Suggested: $3 a cup)