Posts Tagged ‘grief’

Keane Malachi Bergmen

July 24th, 2009

A while ago I wrote briefly about some friends of mine, CJ and Renee Bergmen, and the grief they experienced in losing their son Titus just a few days before their due date. Since that time they have been walking a difficult but beautiful journey with Jesus. They have shared some of that journey on their blog http://www.cjbergmenmusic.com/wordpress/ and it has been a blessing and inspiration to many. I for one have both laughed and downright wept at much of what they have shared. Today I got choked up and teary again reading their post, but this time there was deep joy for my friends. This Monday they will be adopting a baby boy. There are still obstacles to this adoption, such as the fact that they need about 15k within a few days, but they are graciously stepping out in faith and trusting God. I encourage you to look through all of their blog and to pray for them this week as they enter this new chapter. Here is what shared today about the adoption:

“As I sit to write this I cannot but help being reminded of the last time I had to write this kind of email, and the deep gratitude it gives me to be able to send an email to everyone we know, that is so full of joy! I am amazed at the gravity and polarization that comes from the weight of both deep sorrow and tragedy, and great joy and redemption. I cannot help but pause, and silently kneel to the ground, put my face in the dirt, and offer praise to my Holy and Sovereign God. He counts my steps, He directs my path, and He leads me according to His purpose.

We just got the call, Renee’ and I are adopting our son Keane Malachi Bergmen no later than this Monday, July 27th. He is being delivered by C-section, which will serve as the ultimate antithesis of the sorrow and pain of losing Titus in a C-section delivery room. A room that was full of silence, will be filled with crying. He will cry because it is cold and he is hungry and has just been pulled from his environment, where he felt safe and secure, we will weep for joy because we are cold and hungry and are being pulled from our environment where we have felt unsafe, and insecure. God will remind us that He is our only hope and our salvation, and we will point every ounce of it to the glory of His great name. I cannot wait to lift Keane in the same way I did Titus and offer him back to the Lord, to serve Him all the days of his life.”

If you are interested in helping support them financially in this adoption you can do so by sending a check or via paypal. The information is here http://www.cjbergmenmusic.com/wordpress/?p=269

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email

If you like this post please consider buying me a cup of tea (Suggested: $3 a cup)



Pain and Hope

July 11th, 2009

Last week a friend and I were talking and praying together and she pulled out a bible and started to read Lamentations 3. As she read some things struck me about this chapter that I had never fully noticed before even though they are fairly obvious. I guess most of the time when I’ve heard these verses I’ve heard and read verses 21-33 disconnected from the rest of the chapter, but it was the verses that came before 21 that really struck me this time.

There is such raw pain and grief and anger in these verses. The author doesn’t try and hid it or excuse it or cover over it, instead he directs his raw anger and grief directly at God saying…
“He has made me dwell in darkness…”
“He has walled me in…”
“He has barred my way…”
“He pierced my heart…”
etc. etc.
And yet it’s amidst this honest pain and anger and even amidst these accusations against God that he writes:
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him’… It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”

This picture of honest grief mixed with honest hope being held together at the same time is so beautiful. But, it got me thinking how often do we allow ourselves and each other to feel both? To express both of these feelings together in our pain? I mean I think that most of us would feel uncomfortable if someone came up to us and said “The Lord has turned his hand against me again and again, all day long.” Or some of the other sentiments expressed in the first part of this chapter. I mean I think most of us wouldn’t know what to do if someone expressed that kind of raw pain and anger to us. We would probably try to steer the conversation quickly to the hope side of things saying contrived things and giving shallow answers. We wouldn’t feel comfortable with someone accusing God like that and we would quickly try to get them to stop and instead say things like, “The Lord’s compassions never fail.”

But, it struck me maybe the healthiest way to deal with pain and suffering and loss is to enter both sides of this chapter. If we run straight to verses 21 we miss out on part of the process and we bury grief and anger that will eventually resurface. We need to give ourselves and those around us the freedom to feel grief, to feel pain, to feel anger and, I think, the freedom to direct all that grief and anger at God. And yet, we also can’t get stuck there and stay there forever, we need to experience both grief and hope. We can’t rush to hope without experiencing the pain, but we also don’t want to get stuck in the pain and accusations and never move forward to “waiting quietly for the salvation of the Lord.” Maybe if we gave ourselves and others more freedom to experience the first part of the chapter we would all be more likely to move forward to the second part?

So, those were my thoughts – anyone have any other thoughts on this?

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

Never Miss A Post – Receive free updates via RSS or Email

If you like this post please consider buying me a cup of tea (Suggested: $3 a cup)