Posts Tagged ‘Lent’

Week 3 of Lent… being a good friend… to all…

February 19th, 2008

So, for those of you who don’t know I decided to join my friends the Malouf’s in journeying through different areas/relationships through prayer during Lent. And so this week Tara writes about praying for, thinking about and noticing the “invisibles” around us. Those people that live in close proximity to us but maybe aren’t our friends or acquaintances. It’s a challenging idea and I encourage you to read more of her thoughts on her blog.

So, here’s where I am this week – week 3 of Lent… I think because I focused so intently on my marriage (a wonderfully rewarding discipline/focus) last week I feel like I would be missing something to jump right to praying for and focusing on brokenness in my relationship with the “invisibles”… I think I still need to pray for and focus on mending brokenness in my relationships with my friends and family. But, I was also really challenged by Tara’s thoughts on the invisible and I don’t want to miss out on that either. So, where does that leave me for week 3 of Lent? I think I am just going to focus very generally on praying for all those with whom I have contact this week. Focusing on what it means to be a friend to the invisibles and my friends alike. I will be asking God to repair brokenness in my relationships with those that I know intimately, with those that I know personally, and with those that I only come in contact with socially. For me this week will be a time to ask God to reveal people to me – reveal to me how I can befriend the friend at my side and the unknown “invisible” that I pass by on the street. I think sometimes those that I call “friend” can sometimes become just as invisible to me as those that I pass by on the street and choose to ignore.

One thing I would like to incorporate as a discipline and practice for this week is the Caim Prayer – or Celtic circling prayer. Tara wrote some about this concept here  and I have been thinking and reading a little bit about it as well. I want to approach my relationships and friendships this week with an intent awareness of God’s presence, asking Him to surround and encircle each that I come into contact with.

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Lord, may you use this week to shape me into a better friend to my friends, a better family member to my family, a better neighbor to the invisibles that I come in contact with. Change me, Lord, make me more like you. Help me to really see people this week and be aware of how to love them in ways that feel loving to them. In Jesus name. Amen.

Rejoicing in the journey –
Beth Stedman

Photograph by Beth Stedman

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Some “truths” about marriage that I’m trying to learn and remember…

February 13th, 2008

In keeping with my desire to pursue and look for truth in my marriage this week during Lent I thought I would share some “truth” I’ve learned about marriage over the past few years. I admittedly haven’t been married very long and I have a long way to go in figuring out marriage and what it means to commit to loving someone for the rest of your life. But, I have learned a few small things in my first 2.5 years of marriage and I’d like to share a few of those things with you all today as they have been valuable lessons for me and it’s good for me to take a second to remember them.

When Bryan (my husband) and I were dating (well, I think actually engaged at this point) there was a time when I was feeling really neglected by him. I felt like he wasn’t spending time with me and wasn’t sharing his life and his thoughts with me. I remember calling my mom one night crying and having a long talk with her about it and I remember she shared a story about her relationship with my dad and about what God taught her through a difficult time they had. I remember her challenging me to “encourage the positive”. Basically she told me stop nagging Bryan, stop complaining about what he’s not and instead focus on what he is. Focus on and encourage and praise the good things about him as a unique creation of God. Instead of pointing out the things he is doing wrong (or the things he is not doing right) point out to him and praise him for the things he is doing right, the good things that he does. She told me that if you treat a man like a man then he will act like a man. If you respect them and praise them and encourage the good things they are and the good things they do then they will do the good things more and more and the other things less and less. But, if you nag them and complain about the things they do that you don’t like then they will feel defeated and emancipated and will start to with draw from you. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe put it well, “If you treat a man as he is, he will stay as he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become the bigger and better man.” I’ve tried to never forget that lesson and I can’t tell you how many times remembering that pearl of wisdom that my mom passed down to me has helped me to step back and mend brokenness in my marriage.

Love is a choice. Love is not a feeling. Some days I feel love for my husband and other days I don’t. Some periods of time in our relationship I feel close and connected to him and all is right with the world…and other times I don’t.  But, love is not just a feeling, love is an action. It is choosing to act as if I did love Bryan even when I don’t feel love for Bryan. It took me a while to realize that this acting isn’t fakeness and isn’t hypocrisy… it is love. But, it didn’t take me long to realize that the miracle is that in acting like you love someone the feelings often follow close behind. “You can act your way into a new way of feeling quicker than you can feel your way into a new way of acting.”

After many years of watching and talking with couples who have been married much longer than I have I have come to learn that marriages go through seasons. There are good seasons and there are bad seasons and neither lasts. Well, I guess bad seasons can last for a long time sometimes and if you give up trying then they may last forever, but as long as you continue to stick it out and continue to at least try to love each other through whatever season comes then the bad seasons don’t last. The moon is not always full and it’s not always thin either, the tide is not always out and it’s not always up. Marriage is not always good, but it’s not always bad either. And neither season lasts forever. “More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse” (Doug Larson). “One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again” (Judith Viorst).

Men and women are different. I’m sure your saying to yourself, no duh, Beth! Of course men and women are different! But, really, I don’t think I realized HOW DIFFERENT men and women really are until I got married. Bryan is NOTHING like my girl friends (and that’s a really good thing) and he is (for all our commonalities) NOTHING like me. Learning to deal with these differences is I’m sure a lifelong process but I guess the first step is to recognize how truly different we are. “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility” (George Levinger). Recognizing that Bryan is not like me can free me up to allow him to be the unique man that God made him to be and it can free me up to admit that I may not always understand him and that is ok. 

Anne Taylor Fleming said that “A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.” This struck me and I think that another thing I’ve learned or started to learn about marriage is that there is always going to be a tension between the needs of the individual and the needs of the couple. We are each unique and uniquely different creations of God and we each have our own desires and dreams and gifts and passions – sometimes those things might overlap, but they won’t always. And I’m realizing that part of marriage is learning to allow each other to dance a solo while also together dancing a duet. We are unique individuals but we are also one in marriage through Christ. “And the two will become one flesh.” We need to be united and connected as one being, dancing one dance for our creator. But, I’m starting to realize that we also need to allow each other to follow the unique and individual callings and dreams that God places on our hearts – we need to let each other dance our solos sometimes. And support each other through those solos. This is a newer realization for me and something I’m still wrestling with. What does it look like to be truly two unique individuals and yet also truly “one flesh”…?? I’m not sure yet but it’s another thing I’m learning about marriage.

Lord, continue to teach me and stretch me. Show me what you desire marriage to look like and continue to transform my own marriage into a thing of beauty for your glory.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Beth Stedman

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Lent and Valentine’s Day

February 12th, 2008

italy-pictures-034.jpgWarning: This post is mostly about marriage and directed toward the married… if you are not married then I apologize to you for this more specific post…   

I was thinking a few days about how it seems weird to me that Valentine’s day happens during lent – it just felt strange to have a mushy, happy holiday about romantic love happen during a season that is focused on repentance and sacrifice. But, then I started thinking more about it and realized that Lent is the perfect time for Valentine’s day.

Lent is about recognizing brokenness and sin in our lives and our world, but it’s also about repenting of brokenness or sin in our lives. Lent is about turning away from brokenness and turning toward wholeness. What better place to start that process of recognizing and naming sin in our lives and repenting and repairing brokenness then in the sacred sacrament of marriage? If our marriages are to be examples and witnesses of Christ’s relationship with the church then it should be essential that we repair brokenness in them quickly that it might not hinder our witness. If our marriages are to be examples of Christ’s relationship with the church then they should also be examples of the healing and wholeness that sacrificial love can bring.

But, there’s another reason as well that marriage seems to me like a good next step of focus for this Lenten journey through brokenness to wholeness… My husband knows my brokenness and sin better than anyone else – he lives in close proximity to it – he feels the effects of it every day. For “[marriage] is the merciless revealer, the great white searchlight turned on the darkest places of human nature” (Katherine Anne Porter). My husband deserves my apology and my repentance maybe more than any other human being. And since I also live in such close proximity to him and his brokenness, he deserves my forgiveness and grace first and foremost.

So, I decided to take this next week or so of lent to focus on my relationship with my husband. Not that I shouldn’t do this always, but maybe in this more focused season we can create some habits of love that will last throughout the year. After having looked in the mirror and looked at my own heart, it seems essential to me that my journey through lent would next lead me to beginning the process of mending any current brokenness or separating in the relationship that is closest to me. For me that is my relationship with my husband. Hopefully in focusing on my marriage relationship I will along the way mend areas of my life that have been separated or broken from God as well.  

It seems clear to me that marriage is a sacred sacrament – a sacrament can be defined as a rite that serves as a means of grace and faith in our lives. So, I pray that this week especially God would use my marriage to mediate grace to me and my husband.  
It is clear to me that marriage is to be an example and witness of Christ’s sacrificial love for the church. So, I pray that this week especially Christ would show and teach my husband and I how to better live up to this high calling to show through the common marriage relationship the very uncommon, miraculous and mysterious relationship of Christ and his bride, the church.
It seems clear to me that my husband needs my forgiveness and sacrificial love and I need his. So, I pray that this week especially the Holy Spirit would show us our sin, our brokenness, and our pride and would lead us to genuine repentance and a restored relationship with each other and with God.
 

Rejoicing in the journey -
Beth
 Stedman

Photograph by Blake Stedman

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Ash Wednesday Reflections: Confession

February 7th, 2008

candle.jpgMy friend Tara wrote a blog on her site about Ash Wednesday and Confession that encouraged me to think a little more about this concept of confession.  The Liturgy of Ash Wednesday at its heart is a liturgy of confession (we are but ashes and to ashes we shall return, we have fallen short, we have sinned, we need God) and as I read through the Ash Wednesday liturgy in the Book of Common Prayer last night, and again read part of it posted on Tara’s blog, I found myself pondering this concept of confession. So, I wanted to share with you a few of my thoughts…

 I have been thinking off and on the last few weeks about the need to confess to each other… we talked about it a little bit during our storying time at Craig and Sarah’s a few weeks ago and then I was listening to a lecture on Christian history and reminded what an essential piece of the Christian journey confession has always been. There was a time in church history when to confess meant to stand before the whole body of believers/church and tell all of them what you had done wrong – to name your sin before them all – can you imagine that happening today? How foreign that is from our own experience! Even the more private act that confession eventually became in the church (thanks to the Irish concept of “anam cara”) has been lost in protestant circles especially and I wonder how much we have lost…

I think that when you confess to another human being there is something bonding and binding in that moment that we have perhaps lost by our attempt to keep our fellow believers at arm’s length and only show them the good sides of us. It makes me think of this quote I read once…”The final breakthrough to fellowship does not occur because though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners.” When we drop and ignore and neglect confession we lose a unique opportunity for fellowship.

But, we lose something else as well… We lose a sense of our need for God. It is only in naming and recognizing our sin that we can realize how much we really do need God. Too often I think I say that I need God but if I search myself carefully I don’t really think or act like I need him…I think I can do it on my own – it makes me think of a line from an Ingrid Michaelson song “I could write my name by the age of three and I don’t need anyone to cut my meat for me. I’m a big girl now, see my big girl shoes. It’ll take more than just a breeze to make me fall over.” Confession is an act that causes us to fall over and fall down; confession makes us admit that we aren’t as big as we think we are, we aren’t as strong as we think we are, we aren’t as self-sufficient as we think we are. Confession forces us to come face to face with our own inadequacy and our own need for a savior….When we drop and ignore and neglect confession we lose a unique opportunity to experience and recognize our own need for God.

I have had very limited experience with confession – I think really the one place that I have really experienced confession on a regular basis is with my husband. It seems like there are often moments when I can clearly see how I have sinned against him and wronged him and need to confess to him and ask for his forgiveness – and it’s a beautiful thing when that happens, in fact some of the times when I have felt closest to my husband has been the times when I have confessed to him some fault against him and humbly, often through tears, asked for his forgiveness. Then he holds me close and for a moment any brokenness that has been in our relationship is mended and I feel close to him, connected to him more deeply than normal. Maybe when we just jump to trying to fix our sin and change our ways and skip over confessing openly our sin we miss out on a precious moment of connection that we could experience with God. Perhaps when we drop and ignore and neglect confession we lose a unique opportunity to experience the loving embrace and close connectedness of God, our first Love.

… but confession is hard… and so foreign to my experience so far that I find myself lost as to how to incorporate it into my Christian walk… I’m starting to feel that confession is something that needs to be brought back into our communal church experience, but I don’t know how to confess… I don’t really know what confession should look like… or maybe that’s just my excuse – maybe the real fact of the matter is I fear confessing, I don’t want to confess, I don’t want to admit that I fail and sin and fall. I want to be strong and perceived as strong. I don’t want to be weak and perceived as weak. Again God brings me back to “lowly and meek, yet all-powerful” – confessing and repenting and falling down before God is a weakness that is also strength. But, it is not strength in myself or my own ability, it is strength in that it is recognizing that the only strength I have is found in Him. I need Him; I am nothing on my own. But, in Him I can become a new creation, a new life, and be given His strength. Confession is an act of death that leads to resurrection and life.

Rejoicing in the journey –
Beth Stedman

Photograph by Beth Stedman

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Lent: An introduction, a little bit of history, and a few ideas

January 29th, 2008

Ash Wednesday is in a week (February 6th) and will mark the beginning of Lent, so I thought I would share with you all some thoughts I’ve had about Lent, some research and things I’ve learned about it and some ideas of ways to engage in Lent this year that I am contemplating putting into practice.

Lent has a long history. It began in the early church as a time for those who were going to be baptized (baptism happened only once a year on the day before Easter) to prepare themselves for baptism and full acceptance into the church. It was a time for fasting and prayer as well as a time for them to study and learn about Christ and the doctrines of the church. They were to prepare for the new life and new birth that would come with their baptism on Easter. Eventually the rest of the church joined in this practice (some say they did this as a way of showing fellowship with the new believers) and by the Council of Nicene it had become an official season of the church calendar and was established as a 40 day fast of repentance and preparation. It was a time to remember Christ’s 40 days in the wilderness, a time to remember the suffering Christ endured on the cross, and it was a time to remember the sin that put Christ on the cross and the sin in our own lives and world.

At its heart Lent is a journey to wholeness, a journey of joining God in his redemptive and redeeming work in the world. But, that journey begins with a journey through brokenness – we join God in his redemptive work of wholeness by first confronting the brokenness in our own lives and in the world around us. We confront the barriers that keep us from God, the barriers that keep us from each other and the barriers that keep us from God’s creation. This is not a onetime act. We do not overcome these barriers in a day or in 40 days, but the idea is that each year we go through this Lenten process and that at the end of it each time we find ourselves closer…closer to the goal of wholeness and of joining God in His loving work in the world.

Lent is not just about giving something up for a few weeks and it’s not just about focusing on our sin and repenting for a few weeks – it’s really about growth. The very word Lent means “Spring” or “springtime” and indeed just as spring is a time when we plant seeds and bury them in darkness it is a time when we plant ourselves in God and focus on and repent of the darkness in ourselves and in our world. It is a time when through repentance we grow and become a thing of beauty and restoration to the world around us. Lent is really about going through a process that should change us, that should bring us closer to being fully the people God has called us and created us to be.

The church has traditionally made this journey through an emphasis on fasting, almsgiving and prayer.

Fasting has a way of making us more aware of what’s really important in life, when we give up that which is not important we realize what is important. Traditionally in the church there was a lot of discrepancy as to how people should Fast and practice avoidance during Lent. Eventually the Western church declared lent to be 40 days long not counting Sundays. It was to include two days of fasting (ash Wednesday and good Friday) which meant that people were only able to eat one meal on those days (usually in the evening) though they were allowed 2 small snacks during the day to keep up their strength but these snacks could not add up to another full meal. For the Western church Lent also included days of “abstinence” on each Friday during Lent, this meant that ever Friday during lent the church community was not suppose to eat meat at all or drink alcohol, fish was an allowed exception to the no meat rule. In the Eastern Church Lent was also 40 days long but included Sundays and they held to much stricter observance of lent. For the Eastern Church all 40 days were days to abstain from all meat and from all dairy and eggs, basically they all became vegans for 40 days. They also abstained from alcohol during this time. In more modern days many protestants who do observe lent practice fasting in a very different way than either the traditional Western or Eastern church – they simply allowed their congregation to choose what they wanted to give up for the 40 days. But, indifferent to what type of fast is practiced the purpose is the same – to join in Christ’s suffering and in the suffering of the world.

But, fasting was never just for the sack of denial and self-discipline (though those things were part of it). There was a broader purpose to the fasting, a purpose to the denial that went beyond the spiritual development that this practice created and touched on a very practical purpose. The money saved during the fast was to be spent in almsgiving – in giving to the poor. This fast was a way to join with the suffering of the world and to play a part in diminishing that suffering. There was an emphasis during lent on giving to and suffering on behalf of the poor and needy in the world. This was the part of lent that I had known nothing of before and this is the part of lent that struck me most.

The third practice of lent is that of prayer. Christ came. He joined us in our suffering – so much so that he joined us in our death. And so at lent when we remember and dwell on the suffering of our Christ it seems only right that we would in thankful penitence turn our hearts and lives back to Him through prayer. It seems right that during this time of remembrance we would talk with him about our own sin remembering that he came and died not just for some distant purpose or person, He came and died for us each as unique individuals that he wanted to be near and connected to. It seems right that during this time of remembrance we would talk with him about the brokenness in our lives and in the world around us. It seems right that during this time of remembrance we would talk to him about the wrong being done in our world and cry out on behalf of ourselves, our neighbors, our nation and society and on behalf of all those around the world. Through Lenten prayer we confess our failure, confess the ways we fall short, confess and recognize our need for a savior. Through Lenten prayer we recommit ourselves to Christ, the His church and to the redeeming work He is doing and desires to do in the world around us. Through Lenten prayer we silence ourselves and listen to Christ’s heart for us and for the world.

I think as I have learned more about Lent I have learned most of all that Lent is not a means and end in itself… it is a beginning. During Lent we dwell on the suffering and hardships of Christ, the suffering and sin in our own life and the suffering and brokenness in our world and we do this in ways that change us. So that when Easter comes we have a real sense of the great glory that is found in Christ’s resurrection – yes our world is broken, yes our own lives are broken but Christ didn’t just suffer he rose and with his resurrection he brought new life for all of us. So after a time of penitence and brokenness we can come to Easter knowing fully the importance and necessity of Christ’s resurrection and rejoicing fully in the complete and eternal fullness of life that He brings. And we can move on from there hopefully further along in our journey, more fully in tune with Christ, with ourselves and with the world around us.

There is a lot of variety in how the church has practiced fasting, almsgiving and prayer during lent and I think as we enter lent it is important for each of us to search our hearts and figure out how best we can practice these Lenten themes in ways that according to God’s unique calling and work in our lives connects us more closely with the Man of Sorrows and the sorrow-filled world around us.

Here are some Ideas of ways to practice and engage more in the Lenten season this year:

-          $2  Mutunga  Challenge

-          Carry  a pocket size cross with you continually throughout lent as a reminder of the season

-          Pray through the daily offices throughout lent

-          Participate in the stations of the cross

-          Fast and/or abstain from something

-          Work through Christine Sine’s Lenten guide

-          Volunteer somewhere

-          Read some of the original church fathers as a way to learn more about the life, death and resurrection of Christ and the work of His church

-          Spend some time memorizing scripture during lent

-          Set aside time to pray

-          Spend some time confessing your brokenness and sin to God and to another person

-          Commit to praying for the poor, the brokenhearted, the prisoners, the hungry, and the sick around the world and in your own city/neighborhood

-          Wear simple cloths and no jewelry during lent as a symbol of mourning the death and brokenness of our lives and the world

-          If you find that you are really busy and don’t have time maybe make your discipline for Lent that you make time, that you say no to added activities and commitments and instead say yes to rest and spending time with God

-          Find a charity that you believe in and donate to it financially during lent as a small way to mend brokenness in the world

-          Take time to restore a broken relationship in your life

-          Make a commitment to have a minimal impact on the environment during Lent in an effort to restore the brokenness of God’s planet – recycle more, walk more, take public transportation, re-use things in an effort to create less garbage, don’t buy a lot of “stuff”, etc.

-          Go through the Lectionary as a way to read the Bible more during lent 

-          Make a commitment to attend church services more often or at least gather with other believers more regularly during lent

-          If you are married spend some quality date night time with your spouse during lent as a way to restore and refresh any brokenness in your marriage relationship

-          Take time to clean out your house/closet and donate those things you don’t need to those who may need them as a way to restore (in some small way) some of the brokenness in the world

-          Take time to educate yourself more about the human rights violations in the world, the injustice in the world, and in general the brokenness in the world and what you can do to participate in restoring wholeness and health to people

-          Keep a journal during lent as a means for self examination and prayer

-          Spent time meditating on Christ Crucified

-           Place a cross somewhere where you will see it regularly during Lent and remember Christ’s sacrifice and his desire for us to sacrifice on behalf of others as well

-          Pick a meditative phrase to repeat to yourself throughout the day during lent as a reminder of the meaning of the season – for example “Lord, be merciful to me, a sinner.”  Or “Lord, in my hand no price I bring; simply to the cross I cling.” Or some other phrase that helps you to focus on the Lenten season

-    Watch Christine Sine’s Reflections for Lent video

-    Participate in the assignment from spirituality2go site

-    Participate in the 40 day Jesus Creed Challenge 

-          Set an extra place at your dinner table each night during Lent as a reminder to “pray that God would fill up the emptiness of those in need.” And as a reminder “that all (no matter their station in life) are invited to come as guests…as family.” Be creative and find ways in your life to remember the brokenness in the world and join God in restoring wholeness and health to all. I’d love to hear any other ideas you may have for practicing the season of Lent and partaking in the sacrifice of Christ. I personally have been really challenged by Lent this year and I look forward to engaging more in this sacred season of the church.

Rejoicing in the journey –
Beth Stedman

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