Posts Tagged ‘trust’

Ingredients for a Healthy Marriage

August 5th, 2010

Todays guest post was written by my sweet mother-in-law, Lisa. I have been blessed with incredibly caring in-laws who love my husband and I very much. Lisa has always been very open with me about her own marriage and I appreciate all of the wonderful talks we’ve had about life and marriage over the past few years. I hope you all enjoy this post and the beautiful prayer that she shared as much as I did. Thanks again, Lisa!

I have found in my 32 years of being married, that marriage can be an incredibly wonderful experience as well as a hellish one, and that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage because it consists of two imperfect beings. I do believe that marriage is a gift from God, one that should not be taken for granted, and that it is worth all the time, work, and effort it takes to build. There are many ingredients to a healthy and successful marriage.

The first one being Trust. We build trust by allowing ourselves to be accountable to one another as well as surrounding ourselves with those who will ask us the hard questions and keep us accountable. We can create and nurture emotional intimacy by being transparent with one another in a loving and accepting way. As we build trust, it breeds security and respect for each other, which allows us to know that our partner has the health of the marriage as the main priority in everything he or she does.

Forgiveness is essential to a healthy marriage. I have learned that forgiving someone that has wronged you, is not forgetting or even condoning the behavior, but showing grace and choosing reconciliation. It has taken my husband and me many years to bring our two very different ways of conflict resolution together to make them work. Rather than ignoring the situation with cold silence, we’ve learned to talk about the issue as soon as we were able. Sometimes it took awhile to cool down, gain perspective and think clearly, but we learned that resolving it as soon as possible was best for the health of the marriage.

Effective communication means verbalizing needs and listening carefully. We can not expect to go through our marriage without having to face conflict. God made us different, both with faults and strengths, however made to help each other grow spiritually. Learning effective communication skills will certainly help your marriage grow. We learned that “reflective listening” helped us hear what the other was trying to communicate. When one of us would relay a message, the other would repeat back what we heard. We were surprised to find out that many times we heard something that was not even said. This allowed us to clarify what the true issue was before jumping to wrong conclusions and responding prematurely.

One ingredient that is very important to me is Laughter. Humor keeps our marriage fresh and fun. Laughing together has the ability to form two people into kindred spirits, soul mates. Studies have proven that laughter is good for your health and can relieve stress and even pain by producing a natural tranquilizing effect on the body. Laughter can only take place when you spend time together. When you laugh together, the result is bonding and friendship. Laughter, and the resulting friendship, is comfortable, enjoyable and deeply satisfying. Laughter is about connecting. Finding a way to laugh about difficult issues helps you take yourself less seriously, and helps you put problems into focus.

Love and Romance are wonderful qualities to a healthy marriage. In the beginning, it seems to come more naturally than as time goes on, but it is crucial to put effort in keeping this aspect of your union alive. We have found that keeping a “date night” at least once a month is a good way to accomplish this. Once kids enter the picture, it becomes even more important to put the time and effort into keeping the love and romance alive. We have found that the best thing we can do for our kids is to love one another, have a healthy relationship and be a good example for them.

Ultimately, a good marriage is built on a foundation of love; but the bricks-and-mortar that rest on that foundation, such as communication, respect, and spending time together, take some effort. I would like to end with a prayer that I wrote down many years ago, and go back to many times: Lord, you truly are the giver of gifts and the author of marriage.

Lord, thank you for the gift you have given me in my husband. I know in the depths of my soul that you are trust worthy, faithful, all knowing, caring and loving and you knew what you were doing when you gave this gift to me. Help me receive this gift as you intended, help me cherish the differences and see how our gaps fit together instead of resenting them. Help me take on your character to enable me to participate in this union as I truly was meant to. Amen

myspace photoLisa Stedman is a wife of 32 years to Blake Stedman, and a mother to Bryan Stedman(age 26) and Tamara Stedman(age 23). She is a business owner of “Philo and Honey”, a company she founded to keep her family’s time honored tradition of making baklava alive. Lisa is also an artist, and especially enjoys painting watercolors. She also enjoys working out at the gym as well as hula hooping, entertaining, spending time with family and friends, and reading. She has felt very fulfilled in these many roles and feels very blessed.

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Stepping Out of the Boat

July 14th, 2010

This is a guest post written by my dear friend, Sarah Springer. Sarah moved to Prague just before my husband and I did and is now back in the states following God’s leading into new roles and responsibilities. Even though we live on different continents now Sarah will forever continue to be a my dear friend. I’m happy to be able to share her with you all today.

I’ve been on a journey for around 13 years now in “finding myself”. Interestingly, part of finding out more of who I really am, started when I began to learn about who God is. I became a Jesus-follower when I was almost 18 and from that point forward, I have honestly sensed God’s involvement in my life. I have been on an incredible adventure of following Him, in real-life issues, challenges and decisions. I’d like to share how a story from the Scriptures has touched my life in a very real way. As you read Matthew 14:22-34, try to visualize the story of Peter and how he stepped out onto the water in the midst of a storm to walk towards Christ.

22Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24but the boat was already a considerable distance[a] from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

25During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.

27But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

28″Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

29″Come,” he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

34When they had crossed over, they landed at Gennesaret. 35And when the men of that place recognized Jesus, they sent word to all the surrounding country. People brought all their sick to him 36and begged him to let the sick just touch the edge of his cloak, and all who touched him were healed.

This is actually pretty crazy. The fourth watch of the night, means it was around 3 in the morning! I don’t know why Peter did it or what he was thinking. Ultimately I believe he stepped out of the boat because he trusted Jesus; Peter really believed that Jesus would take care of him and support him. Years ago I came across this passage, in a season of transition in my life. I was laid off from work, in the midst of uncertainty, trying to find my calling in life. After reading this passage I realized a few things.

I realized that there were other people in the boat. They were disciples of Christ, believers of His teachings and truly followed Him. These people watched this whole scene with Jesus and Peter. On the other hand, Peter risked it all. He had to trust in Jesus and nothing else. God still loved those who were on the boat. God did amazing things through those followers. But, Peter, was a little different. Peter, unlike the others, knew the actual experience of following Jesus onto the water and even what it was like to fear and be caught by Jesus. I became very inspired by this. I decided with certainty that I want to experience following God and not just observe the things God can do in a person’s life. After reading this, I told God that I wanted to be like Peter, and step out of the boat, into life, in such a way that I can only trust in Him alone.

And, shortly after, my husband and I decided to church plant in Prague, Czech Republic. I had lived my whole life in the Chicago-suburbs; although I moved often, I was very familiar with Midwestern America and that’s about it. It was a huge move and a huge-cultural shift. The motivation that brought me to say “yes” to this adventure was that I imagined myself leaping into Jesus arms and trusting Him alone with my life. I wanted to know Him more though this decision. It was hard to be a “tree” and be replanted in a new culture, new language, and to build brand-new friendships. I cannot imagine where my life would be if I hadn’t faced my fears and in my own way, like Peter, stepped out on the water to trust Christ. We were in Prague for 3 years, and I learned so much, grew in incredible ways, and faced some truths about myself that helped me mature. And, even more than all that, my faith in God grew.

We moved back to the States in June 2009, and now, a year later, I am still feeling in transition. This last year, in many ways, seemed crazier and more adventurous and unknown than our journey heading to Prague! We moved back to a bad US economy where my husband didn’t have a job, I was 6 months pregnant, planning on a homebirth, unsure of a midwife and had no place to deliver my child; we were in temporary housing arrangements, uncertain of exactly which state we’d land in, and in the midst of reverse culture-shock. I could share many details about all that, but again, in the midst of the unknown, I experienced what God can do in a life that trusts in Him.

And now, I’m in a new season of trusting in God. As of yesterday, I have part-time job leading a ministry at my church for families who have a loved one with special needs. God has touched my heart deeply about this ministry and ultimately that my calling is to love God and love people. That’s what I believe life is all about. I have the opportunity to love people who are often ignored, overlooked, or even avoided. I have a chance to help others grow in understanding and loving these people as well. I have the chance to get to know God’s heart more. Who He is. How He loves. What He cares about. I am excited about this. Once again, I feel that I have followed God into this. I believe again, that I am stepping out of the boat like Peter, trusting Jesus to be there when I fear and to be with me in the unknown.

As I transition my family into a new rhythm, one of my concerns is how to continue providing natural, “real” food for my family in the midst of working 2-3 days a week, coming home around 5pm. I’d love to hear feedback on how any of you do it. How do you prepare your food in advance? What kinds of meals do you make that take just 25-30 minutes to prepare?

Thanks for reading. (And if you have any resources or experience or a loved one with special needs, please share! I’d love to learn all I can.)

Here is a blessing/prayer for those of us in any kind of transition:

God, circle us with your unending love.

Calm us with your strong embrace.

Give us the wisdom and discernment we need to

remain centered as things swirl around us.

Be our constant O God.

Keep us above the waters of Life that sometimes want to pull us down.

Give us peace that passes understanding.

Give us moments of refreshment and delight,

Calm our nerves and quiet unwelcome worries.

May we be blessed as we endure

Bless us as we love others, serve and lead.

May we not fear but trust You are with us.

As we put our Hope in You, may we rise up with wings like eagles

And know we are Yours.

May it be well with our souls. Amen.

Photo on 2010-07-01 at 22.30 #4I am a wife since May 2000, a mother of two, a sister to a few and a friend to many. I love spending quality time with people, sharing stories and learning more about ourselves as we’re together. I love being with my husband and children, doing whatever. I enjoy cooking, sipping tea, sitting in my papasan chair and reading or journaling. I love researching and learning new things–lately it’s all about food and various things about the food industry. I believe the core of who I am is loved and accepted by the Triune God, and that has made all the difference. I hope that somehow as I continue on the journey of life, I can encourage others and help them see Truth and Beauty in themselves.

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Pregnancy as a Spiritual Practice

July 26th, 2009

I’ve been surprised by how little I have written about being pregnant and my experience being pregnant. I’ve tried to process that a little and I think there are a lot of reasons for it, one reason is probably that honestly overall I haven’t enjoyed pregnancy as much as I thought I would and to write about it too much would probably mean to complain about all the aches and pains and discomforts as well as the fears and insecurities that it stirs up – no one wants to read about that right? Anyway, today though I want to write about pregnancy and share a few thoughts about pregnancy as a spiritual practice and spiritual discipline.

Let me begin by saying that though I do feel like pregnancy is a spiritual practice of sorts I don’t by any means think that pregnancy is an essential or even really an important spiritual practice. Half of the population (men) will never experience it and many women both by heart ache as well as by choice will also never experience it. For those who want to experience pregnancy but are not able to my heart truly breaks and I do not want this post in any way to rub salt in an open wound. So, please if that is your experience don’t read on if you don’t want to, and don’t hold it against me that I wrote this post.

There is so much I could say about pregnancy being a spiritual practice and experience I’m not really sure where to begin now… well, I guess I’ll just jump in…

To me pregnancy feels like a spiritual practice because it is an act which joins us with the creative life-giving God. In pregnancy we partner with God to bring forth life. I really believe that it is a profound and sacred act, an act which is both entirely temporal and physical and yet also entirely spiritual and non-temporal. I can’t really explain that, I more just feel it, so I’m going to move on to another point.

When I first learned that I was pregnant one of the first things that I felt was an overwhelming sense of being out of control. This was so different from anything I had ever experienced before that it sort of shocked me in its severity. I realized very quickly in my pregnancy that I really had no control over whether this baby lived or died, whether he developed healthily or not, whether my body would do all that it was suppose to or not. I was intimately involved in the process of daily creating and sustaining this life, but I had no conscious control over how it progressed. To me it was (and is) a strange feeling to feel so deeply connected with creating life and yet to feel so removed from it. I have never felt as completely vulnerable as I have felt since being pregnant. Vulnerable to physical pain, to heart ache, loss, and even to death (in fact I have been a little shocked by how the act of bringing forth life can be such a vivid reminder of life’s fragility and end).

This feeling of vulnerability and lack of control have brought me to look at all of life with much more awareness of my own smallness. I have realized through this experience that I am out of control and vulnerable in more areas of my life than just my pregnancy and it has called me to a deeper trust in God and his sovereignty. Through pregnancy I realize anew that there is more to life than meets the eye, there is Other and I am called into a trust relationship with that Other. Through pregnancy I realize that I can’t go at it alone and that I do ultimately control very little in my life and world. Through pregnancy I realize that it is when pain and heart ache are close to us or threaten to be close to us that we most learn to trust the ultimate love and goodness of God. Through pregnancy I learn again to let go and surrender to that which is and will be.

Pregnancy feels like a spiritual practice to me also because it is a time that forces you into waiting. You can’t rush it, you have 40 weeks of waiting and anticipating and wondering and praying. Even though there’s a lot to do to prepare, pregnancy seems like it sort of forces you to slow down and be patient. As I wait for this baby to grow, I wonder what he’s going to be like, I wonder what kind of mom I’m going to be, and in many ways every day I have to let go and wait on God. Trusting him.

Pregnancy also feels like a bit of a spiritual practice to me because it is uncomfortable. It’s not easy being pregnant. Sure it’s beautiful and fulfilling and feminine, but it’s also terribly uncomfortable and awkward. You get nauseous, your back hurts, your skin itches, you get big and your balance changes – just to mention a few. In all honesty your whole body changes. I feel like dealing with the change and discomfort can be a sort of spiritual discipline. How I handle the physical pain and discomfort of pregnancy can teach me how to handle the pain and discomfort of life in general. Can I let go of the discomfort and pain and work through it? Can I continue to live lovingly towards those around me even in the midst of discomfort? Can I let go of my selfishness enough to notice and care for another’s discomfort even amidst my own? But will I also take care of myself when needed and recognize when I am pushing myself too hard and my discomfort is a sign that I need to slow down and rest? Can I listen to what my body is trying to communicate to me? Pregnancy forces me into all these questions and these questions force me to face my own inadequacy and that inadequacy forces me back on my knees before God’s throne of grace.

There is more I could write about pregnancy and the spirituality of it, and how it has drawn me and called me to a deeper relationship with God, but honestly I’m not sure how to put the rest in words yet and I’m not even sure if what I’ve put into words so far will make sense to anyone but me. So maybe I’ll stop here.

I want to close this post by sharing with you a poem that my friend Joanna wrote and gave me at my baby shower. I think it paints a beautiful picture of pregnancy and the spiritual mystery that is present in the act of bringing forth life into the world. I think it also portrays this awe-inspiring dichotomy of it being my body and yet not only my body which brings forth this new creation.

Moonbelly

Blessed are you, womb that heals and holds
Grows and tends
Stretches and shares
The life of mine own
Blessed are you, skin that glows
Ripe and ready for the harvest fruit
Ready for the great harvest of the one within
Blessed are you, bringer of life
Passage of light
Harbinger of all things good and pure
Blessed are you, blood that nurtures, protects and provides
Blood of my blood
Flesh of my flesh
Bone of my bone
Blessed are you, one within
The indwelling indwells with you
The spirit that knows you
Knits you
Loves you
Blessed are you, my sweet gift
Honor and privilege to call you my own
And show you the great love that is mine to give away
To you

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

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Letting go and Trusting

June 16th, 2009

So, I haven’t been sleeping very well since being pregnant. In fact I think in the past 23+ weeks that I’ve been pregnant I’ve only slept through the night without waking up once. Honestly, I’m very tired of that. But, last night during one of my many fits of wakefulness I was doing some thinking, or maybe feeling is a better word for it.

It seemed that suddenly I was flooded with all the many things that are currently going on in my life and the lives of those around me that I could worry about. As the many potential worries came at my mind and heart, waves of anxiety started to build. I rolled over trying to shut the thoughts out of my head. I tried to pray for myself and those I love, but it seemed everything came at me so fast and I didn’t know where to even beginning. Soon I was sitting up staring into the darkness, feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. In that moment some words came to me, “Which of you by worrying can add a single hair to your head?… Oh, you of little faith.”

What does it mean to trust God in the midst of deep uncertainties and potential devastations? What does it look like to really have faith? How do we stop from spending our days in needless worry that gets us nowhere and does us no good?

I clearly don’t know the answers to these questions as my experience last night shows. But, as I lay there I started to see how truly pointless my worrying was. What did it gain me? It gained me nothing but more worry and anxiety. Then I began to think through each of the situations that were causing me stress. Not a single one of them was something that was in my control or something I could do anything about. I guess that’s why they caused me to worry so much in the first place – if I felt that I could do something about them then I would feel some release of anxiety because I would feel in control over them. But, the truly scary things in life are those things that we have absolutely no control over. So, maybe the act of trusting, the act of letting go of our worries and anxieties is really the act of acknowledging and accepting and surrendering to our ultimate lack of control.

That’s what I worked on last night… letting go. Recognizing my lack of control and accepting that someone far more gracious and loving than me is in control and I could rest in that. I didn’t totally figure it out, but I’m trying.

This morning I opened the Celtic Book of Daily Prayer and came across this section which seemed very applicable:

“Christ of the mysteries, can I trust You
to be stronger than each storm in me?

… I determine amidst all uncertainty
always to trust.

I believe You will make a way for me
and provide for me,
if only I trust You
and obey.

I will trust in the darkness and know
that my times are still in Your hand.”

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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Back home in the blogosphere

June 15th, 2009

Today I realized that I had over 1,000 unread blogs in my google reader. Ridiculous, I know. But, life has been such lately that not only has my blog writing suffered, but my blog reading has been pretty much none existent. But, after a few days of feeling ready to re-enter the blogosphere I think I can now officially say, yes, I’m back. Maybe not for good, and it might still be a little sporadic, but I miss blogging and reading blogs and I’m ready to come back to it. So, I marked all my unread blogs as read and I’m starting fresh, jumping back in starting today and looking forward to it. Smile.

So, expect more posts in the days and weeks to come, there are a few bouncing around in my head already. But, for now I leave you with this quote from the book He Leadeth Me by Walter J. Ciszek, S.J.:

“Now, with sudden and almost blinding clarity and simplicity, I realized I had been trying to do something with my own will and intellect that was at once too much and mostly all wrong. God’s will was not hidden somewhere ‘out there’ in the situations in which I found myself; the situations themselves were his will for me. What he wanted was for me to accept these situations as from his hands, to let go of the reins and place myself entirely at his disposal. He was asking of me an act of total trust, allowing for no interference or restless striving on my part, no reservations, no exceptions, no areas where I could set conditions or seem to hesitate. He was asking a complete gift of self, nothing held back. It demanded absolute faith: faith in God’s existence, in his providence, in his concern for the minutest detail, in his power to sustain me, and in his love protecting me. It meant losing the last hidden doubt, the ultimate fear that God will not be there to bear you up. It was something like that awful eternity between anxiety and belief when a child first leans back and lets go of all support whatever – only to find that the water truly holds him up and he can float motionless and totally relaxed. Once understood, it seemed so simple. I was amazed it had taken me so long in terms of time and of suffering to learn this truth. Of course we believe that we depend on God, that his will sustains us in every moment of our life. But we are afraid to put it to the test. There remains deep down in each of us a little nagging doubt, a little knot of fear which we refuse to face or admit even to ourselves, that says, ‘Suppose it isn’t so.’ We are afraid to abandon ourselves totally into God’s hands for fear he will not catch us as we fall. It is the ultimate criterion, the final test of all faith and all belief, and it is present in each of us, lurking unvoiced in a closet of our mind we are afraid to open. It is not really a question of trust in god at all, for we want very much to trust him; it is really a question of our ultimate belief in his existence and his providence, and it demands the purest act of faith.”

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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