Posts Tagged ‘women’

Nursing in Public: A Little Story

May 14th, 2010

It was November, just before Thanksgiving. As we walked down the aisle of the plane I felt nervous. This was my first time traveling with a baby. My 7 week old son, Thaddeus, was in my arms, content for the time being. About midway through the plane I saw an older women sitting by the window. The family in front of us took the aisle across from her. They looked nice. They had a baby girl who looked to be about 10 months old and a son who I guessed was 3 or 4. We had smiled at each other as we waited in line to board. I quickly decided that this would be a good place to nurse and we took the two empty seats next to the grandmother.

I was worried that my son’s ears would hurt and that he would end up being that baby on the plane that cries the whole time and bothers everyone. I had done my research before hand and talked to my mommy friends. Everyone said that as long as the baby sucked and nursed during takeoff and landing he would be fine. The plane started to taxi out of the gate and I started to nurse. Thaddeus was having some trouble latching on. He seemed tired and uncomfortable already. Maybe his tummy was hurting. I finally got him situated and a stewardess came by. She leaned in towards me:

“Do you have something you can use to cover up?” she asked.

I was startled and a little disappointed. I thought that I was being fairly discreet already. I hated covering up – it made it so much harder. He usually didn’t get as good of a latch when I covered up and then my nipples would be sore. I stammered out a “yes” and asked my husband to grab a blanket from the diaper bag. A stressful situation just got more stressful.

I struggled to cover myself. Thaddeus came off the breast and cried. He wiggled around. He was so strong. I wrestled with him a bit while trying to hold the blanket and also get him latched back on. It wasn’t working. My husband held the blanket up for me and together we got Thaddeus nursing again. Soon he was asleep and we were able to relax a little.

On landing, I didn’t really even try to nurse him. It was too much trouble. I glanced at the 10 month old sitting across from us enjoying a bottle on her mommy’s lap. For a second I wished that I had pumped a bottle, but the one time I tried pumping I was miserable and it wasn’t worth the effort. We had Thaddeus suck on my husband’s finger during the landing, since he refused a pacifier. He cried the whole way down.

Once we landed Thaddeus was hungry. We went to baggage claim and I found a relatively quiet place where I thought I could sit and nurse. My husband left our bags with me and went to get the car seat and stroller which we had to check. I struggled with my screaming son. With the memory of the flight attendant fresh in my mind I tried to cover up a little, but that just made Thaddeus more upset.

A woman with a badge came and sat down in a chair not too far from me. After a few moments she leaned towards me:

“There’s a family restroom where you can nurse by the escalators.” She said as she pointed in the direction I had just come from not long before.

I am sure that she meant well. I am sure that she saw me struggling and thought it might be easier and more comfortable for me to nurse in a quiet place – maybe she was right. But, at that moment I didn’t want to struggle with my baby and my bags and wrestle my way back down the hall alone so that I could sit on a toilet in a public restroom and nurse my son. I wanted to calm and sooth him right then and there. Really I just wanted to cry.

Instead I stuttered out “thank you.” Picked up my bags, held my screaming baby close to my chest, whipped away a tear, and walked away. I got half way down the hall when I realize I really didn’t want to go to a family bathroom and nurse, plus my husband would have no idea where I went. But, I didn’t want to go back and sit by that woman either. So, I went to the carousel where my husband was getting the bags. Thankfully there were a few seats right by the carousel and I sat down there and tried to nurse for a second while my husband got the last bag.

This story isn’t really that bad. I have since this time heard stories about nursing in public that are truly outrageous.  This little story is really nothing to tell. I mean no one asked me to stop nursing or told me I couldn’t nurse someplace. In fact no one in my story is really negative towards nursing at all, but I can’t really say that they are supportive.

Now I am more informed. Now I am more comfortable with my right to nurse anywhere. Now I am more experienced with breastfeeding. I can nurse truly discreetly without a cover and I can use a cover much more easily now if I want to. My son is older and more experienced as well now. He can latch on without my help. Now I could handle a situation like the one I just shared with much more ease and grace, but then I couldn’t and it ended up being a very stressful experience for me. Then I wasn’t experienced at being discreet. Then I needed to be uncovered and able to see and help my son in order to get a good latch. Then I didn’t know my rights when it came to nursing in public.

I need the me of now to defend the rights of the me of then. My story isn’t that bad, but there are others that are. And I can totally see how even little experiences like mine could really start to get under your skin and cause you to give up all together. Before I became a breastfeeding momma I wouldn’t have thought twice about a story like mine, I would have thought no one did anything wrong. And it’s true, there isn’t really anything wrong about the flight attendant asking me to cover up or about the woman directing me to the family bathroom to nurse, but it also is something wrong about it. Personally I think it does feel like there is something wrong in our society when a momma feels uncomfortable and ashamed for naturally, freely and openly feeding her baby. I can see how if you had enough experiences like my little story and you didn’t have support from family and friends around you it would be easy to choose not to breastfeed at all or to stop earlier then you had originally planned. I can understand why “according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, approximately 70 percent of mothers start breastfeeding immediately after birth, but less than 20 percent of those moms are breastfeeding exclusively six months later.”

The choice to nurse or not to nurse is each mother’s personal decision, but wouldn’t it be great if we lived in a society where women really could freely make that decision. Where if they wanted to nurse they wouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable for openly feeding their baby whenever they needed to and where ever was most comfortable for them.

Here is a GREAT article with 50 Reasons for Breastfeeding Anytime, Anywhere.

What nursing stories do you have? What has been your experience with nursing in public? If you’re not a momma, or you didn’t choose to nurse your baby, how do you feel about nursing in public? What do you feel is appropriate and not appropriate?

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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Shiphrah and Puah: Courageous Midwives

March 8th, 2009

We’ve all heard the story of how Moses was saved by his mother who hid him from Pharaoh’s soldier’s and then set him in a basket of reeds along the bank of the Nile, but it recently came to my attention that if it hadn’t been for the courage of two midwives who “feared God” Moses’ mother may never have even had the chance to try and save her son. It’s a story I had never heard or noticed until recently, but one that I think is worth telling. Here is my retelling of the story of Shiphrah and Puah in honor of International Women’s Day. This post is also part of the International Women’s Day synchroblog, so please also visit the links below to see what others have to say in honor of women today.

—–

I could feel Puah trembling next to me as we waited in the great hall. We had been summoned by Pharaoh himself. What could he want with us? It’s true we had gained quite a lot of recognition… there had been so many successful births that the Hebrew people were growing as quickly as wild grass by the Nile. Many attributed that to our skill, but we knew better – God was blessing His people. Perhaps Pharaoh had heard of us and wanted to learn our tricks and see the midwives who were at the heart of the Hebrew’s growth. But, something in my gut didn’t believe that was the case. I had heard stories of those who were summoned before Pharaoh and they did nothing to put my worries at ease. I was lost in my own contemplations, when we heard the door at the end of the hall swing loudly open and Pharaoh and his many attendants and guards entered the room. He sat down on a large chair directly in front of us and called us forward. I could see why the people called him a son of the gods, he had a strength and regality to him that I had never seen before. Here was a man who was accustomed to having people do whatever he commanded and who could give and take life at whim without a second thought.

“You are the midwives of the Hebrew people, is that right?” He asked us.

“Yes.” I replied, suddenly very aware that everyone in the room was staring at us as if they were weighing us on a measure.

“Then hear this, the word of Pharaoh, the word of the gods: The Hebrew slaves are growing too strong and must be subjugated. Therefore I lay down this command to you, midwives of the Hebrew people, when you help the Hebrew women in childbirth and observe them on the delivery stool, if it is a boy, kill him; but if it is a girl let her live. This is my command. Do you understand?”

I stood there in shock for a minute before answering hesitantly, “I understand.”

“Good. And you understand the penelty if you fail to follow my command?” I trembled, but did not need to answer, everyone knew well what happened to those who disobeyed Pharaoh.

“You are dismissed.” And with a wave of his hands his guards quickly ushered us from the room.

We walked slowly as we left Pharaoh’s palace, both lost in our own thoughts.

After a while Puah spoke softly at first but with growing strength, “We cannot do it… We cannot kill these precious little lives that have the hand of God so strongly upon them. Our purpose and calling is to aide in bringing forth life not to take it away. There is one God and he is the God of the living, we cannot rightly stand before him with the blood of his people on our hands. Pharaoh may kill us… but… I cannot take the life that He has given.” A shiver ran up my spine as I heard her speak. I knew she was right, but I knew the consequences of the decision we were making. I took her hand and smiled and said, “Well, at least we will face what is to come together, my friend.” I tried to shake off the fear that hung so tangibly in the air.

We hadn’t gone more than a few steps farther when a young girl came running up to call us to her mother who was in the last stage of labor. The poor girl had been searching for us for hours as her mother labored alone. We ran with her to the house and found that the woman had just given birth to a beautiful baby boy. It was the first test of our decision. I cleaned the baby and handed him to his mother to feed. She smiled at him and they looked at each other with the look of love that can only be exchanged between mother and child after the difficult passage of birth. As Puah and I looked on an idea came to me, “Puah, we will not obey Pharaoh, but if we are called back to him to give an account for our disobedience we will tell him that all Hebrew women give birth like this women, quickly and vigorously, giving birth before the midwives arrive.” She looked at me with a bit of wonder, for it was not normally in my nature to be untruthful, but she knew as I did that it was a good plan. Pharaoh could not fault us for our disobedience if we were not present at the birth to obey or disobey.

And so that is exactly what we did. We continued to deliver babies and did all we could to keep each alive as we had always done, and when we were called to Pharaoh we told him what we had to and he let us go. God looked kindly on us and today I can sit and tell you this story, child, for it was not long after this that God gave us families of our own. I want you to remember, my daughter, that Pharaoh may be powerful and his slave drivers may be fierce but God is more powerful than he is, and God will deliver us from his hand. But, in the mean time you must act bravely and do what you know you must for we do not belong to Pharaoh, but to God… Oh, and remember a little bit of cunning, when used for good purpose, can sometimes be a very good thing.

—–

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany

Julie Clawson on the God who sees
Steve Hayes on St. Theodora the Iconodule
Sonja Andrews on Aunt Jemima
Sensuous Wife on a single mom in the Bible
Minnowspeaks on celebrating women
Michelle Van Loon on the persistant widow
Lyn Hallewell on the strength of biblical women
Shawna Atteberry on the Daughter of Mary Magdalene
Christine Sine on women who impacted her life
Susan Barnes on Tamar, Ruth, and Mary
Kathy Escobar on standing up for nameless and voiceless women
Ellen Haroutunian on out from under the veil
Liz Dyer on Mary and Martha
Bethany Stedman on Shiphrah and Puah
Dan Brennan on Mary Magdalene
Jessica Schafer on Bathsheba
Eugene Cho on Lydia
Laura sorts through what she knows about women in the Bible
Miz Melly preached on the woman at the well
AJ Schwanz on women’s work
Pam Hogeweide on teenage girls changing the world
Teresa on the women Paul didn’t hate
Helen on Esther
Happy on Abigail
Mark Baker-Wright on telling stories
Robin M. on Eve
Alan Knox is thankful for the women who served God
Lainie Peterson on the unnamed concubine
Mike Clawson on cultural norms in the early church
Krista on serving God
Bob Carlton on Barbie as Icon
Jan Edmiston preached on the unnamed concubine
Deb on her namesake – Deborah
Makeesha on empowering women
Beth Patterson on The whole megilah revisited

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Beautiful moments, Beautiful women

September 15th, 2008

I have spent the last few days surrounded by truly beautiful, funny, intelligent and creative women and I feel so blessed!

I guess it really started last Thursday. Two other women joined me for yoga and prayer Thursday morning and we had a great time just working out and being immersed in God’s word together. And then afterwards we sat and talked for a while and just shared little bits of our lives with each other. Both of those women are people who I am just beginning to really get to know and it was so great to just get to know them a little better.

Later in the day on Thursday I meet with a few other women for coffee and some time to just catch up and reconnect with one another. It was actually a bit of an awkward time for me, but mostly because I felt so honored again to be with each of these amazing women and felt self conscious and even maybe ashamed of myself in comparison to them (I have been thinking about self consciousness and social gatherings and some stuff like that and will probably share more about this later).

Then on Friday I drove to Berlin with seven other women for a weekend of shopping, cooking, eating, talking, laughing, resting and exploring together. It was an AMAZING weekend for me. I was really nervous about it going into it, but it was so much better than I could ever have imagined. I often feel awkward and uncomfortable and self conscious in social gatherings and I expected to have a weekend of feeling that way, but I didn’t. I felt so free this weekend, and remarkably comfortable with these wonderful and beautiful women. Berlin itself just has a free and creative and open spirit about it and I think that rubbed off on me (I’ll be writing more about the atmosphere in Berlin soon as well). Plus I went into the weekend with a genuine desire to not focus on my own junk and hang ups and self conscious fears about what others will think about me and instead to just be willing to listen and accept each step of the trip as being exactly what God had for me at that moment – and the result was really beautiful. I felt like I could really be present and myself this weekend, sure there were still some awkward moments for me, but over all I felt like I could allow myself to relax and let myself be known and also allow myself to freely get to know others. I feel so blessed to have been with each of the women who went and so grateful that each of them came.

Then today I went out for drinks with a few girl friends here. I had felt icky all day and I didn’t want to go, but when I quieted myself and really listened I felt like I was suppose to go. So I loaded up on anti-histamines (natural one’s, of course) and headed down town. I am SO glad I did! I had such a wonderful time talking with these friends and hearing their insights and about their lives. And I felt completely comfortable to share my life and insights with them tonight too.

Each of these experiences where so different and the women involved were mixed and varied. But, as I walked home tonight I felt such overwhelming gratitude and thanksgiving for each of these experiences and for each of the beautiful women I got to spend time with this week. There is something powerful and beautiful about women coming together and walking through life with each other.

Thank you, Lord, for my girl friends and the beautiful women you have brought into my life, here in Prague and over the past many years. Lord, thank you for always giving me girl friends to talk and laugh with and learn from. And thank you for providing that for me here in Prague as well.

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

Photograph by Beth Stedman

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Yoga and Prayer: The Psalms of Ascent

September 11th, 2008

For yoga today I did a sequence of poses and had a verse from the Psalms of Ascent that went with each pose. We got into the pose and then I said the verse that went with it. A lot of the poses were repeated throughout the sequence and each time the same verse was read with them. For me there is something very powerful about hearing a verse and also feeling that verse as your body is in a specific position and having that same experience over and over again. In a way it’s like the verse begins to sink into more than just your conscious thoughts, it starts to sink into your muscle memory and your psyche.

For music today I used the cd, Rounds, by Four Tet

So, here’s what we did today:

Mountain Pose - “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.”

Upward Salute - “I lift up my eyes to the hills – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

Standing Forward Bend - “Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy”

Low Lunge (right leg back) - “I lift up my eyes to you, to you whose throne is in heaven.”

Downward Facing Dog (bend each knee one at a time like you are walking in down dog) - “Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in his ways.”

Low Lunge (left leg back) - “I lift up my eyes to you, to you whose throne is in heaven.”

Plank Pose - “If the Lord had not been on our side – let Israel say – If the Lord had not been on our side…”

Child’s Pose - “…the raging waters would have swept us away.”

Upward Facing Dog - “We have escaped like a bird. The snare has been broken, and we have escaped.”

Downward Facing Dog - “Our help is in the name of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

Standing Forward Bend - “Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy”

Upward Salute - “I lift up my eyes to the hills – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

Mountain Pose - “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.”

Warrior I (right foot back) – “Those who trust in the Lord are like Mountain Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever.”

Mountain Pose - “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.”

Warrior I (left foot back) – “Those who trust in the Lord are like Mountain Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever.”

Mountain Pose - “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.”

Warrior II (right foot back) – “Those who trust in the Lord are like Mountain Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever.”

Extended Side Angle Pose (right hand over head) - “The Lord watches over you – the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.”

Mountain Pose - “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.”

Warrior II (left foot back) – “Those who trust in the Lord are like Mountain Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever.”

Extended Side Angle Pose (left hand over head) – “The Lord watches over you – the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.”

Mountain Pose - “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.”

Wide Legged Forward Bend - “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.”

Mountain Pose - “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.”

Tree Pose (right leg up) - “I rejoiced with those who said to me, ‘Let us go to the house of the Lord.’ Our feet are standing in your gates, O Jerusalem.”

Mountain Pose - “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.”

Tree Pose (left leg up) – “I rejoiced with those who said to me, ‘Let us go to the house of the Lord.’ Our feet are standing in your gates, O Jerusalem.”

Mountain Pose - “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.”

Chair Pose - “My soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.”

Mountain Pose - “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.”

Hero Pose - “The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.”

Bharadvaja’s Twist (to both sides) – “The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.”

Seated Forward Bend - “Put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.”

Bridge Pose - “Restore our fortunes, O Lord, like streams in the Negev.”

Half Shoulder Stand - “The Lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forever more.”

Corpse Pose – “May the Lord bless you from Zion all the days of your life… Peace be upon [you].”


Peace be with you.

If you live in Prague and you are at all interested in joining us in this Prayer and Yoga experiment please let me know :)

Rejoicing in the journey -
Bethany Stedman

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3 W’s – Workout, Worship, and Women

July 9th, 2008

 

Ok, so I think I’ve finally gotten up the courage to share this new idea I had. I’ve shared it with a few friends and even sort of tried it out once but I wanted to put the process of coming to the idea and the idea itself up here as a way to document it for myself and also as a way to open the idea up the community around me….

First, I’ve realized that I’m really out of shape. I would like to be able to be as flexible as I was a few years ago and I’d like to be able to walk uphill a few blocks without being totally out of breath – both things I can’t do at the moment. I used to dance and work out regularly but lately I spend most of my time working in front of a computer and I feel like my body is beginning to feel that change.

Second, I’ve realized (or maybe I should say that I have been realizing over the past few years) that there are a lot of different ways to worship and connect with God. Along these lines I’ve come to enjoy even more deeply things like form prayers, meditating on scripture, taking long walks through creation, and in general acknowledging that God can and does reveal Himself and allow us to connect with Him through anything – movies, music, the arts, and even our physical bodies. For the last few years I have off and on done yoga for much this reason – I feel like putting my body in the various postures has often caused my heart and soul and mind to worship and connect with God in a new way. I’ve also come to realize and learn that we can indeed act ourselves into a new way of feeling quicker then we can feel ourselves into a new way of acting. If I bow down before God even when I don’t feel like it I find that the physical act results in leading my heart and mind to a posture of bowing down as well. When I lay in corpse pose (stretched out on my back on the floor) in a posture of exposed openness I find that my mind and heart become exposed and open to what God wants to tell me as well.

Third, and very closely related to the second point, God has been challenging me to accept and rejoice in that fact that I am a physical being. God created me as a physical being and He declared at creation that the physical world and beings that He created were GOOD. Yes, I do know though that I am a broken and sinful physical being but I also know that God didn’t choose to save me by separating me from my physicality. He instead chose to save me by Himself entering into our physical world and becoming a physical being Himself. God incarnate redeems the entire physical world He created. God has been challenging me to look at the world and my life more holistically. It is not that the spiritual (mind/soul) are good and the temporal/physical is bad. All of me is a good creation of my God and all of me is broken and in need of redemption.

Fourth, this may sound odd, but lately I have been coming to accept more and more my femininity. There were a number of years of my life (mostly quite a while ago, back in High School) when I secretly wished I had been born a boy instead of a girl. I didn’t feel like I fit with most of the girls I knew – I didn’t want to shop and talk about boys I wanted to think deeply and discuss theology and social sciences. And in the circles I ran in I was told that some of the things I wanted to do with my life I wasn’t able to do because I was a girl. Eventually I stopped wishing that I was a boy and came to accept that I would always be a woman and even began to delight in some parts of being a woman. But, I think even after that there was a bit of bitterness still in me against some of the things that I had been taught and had heard all of my life growing up in conservative Christian circles. So, I think over the last two years especially God has been healing me in some of that bitterness and showing me more deeply some of the beauty and strength and grace that belongs to woman alone.

All these things were bouncing around in my head when a dear friend of mine sent me this quick email from China:

I went out early onto the plaza/square here in Chongqing.  And there I saw the most delightful scene….hundreds of women gathered together for their morning dances!!  There is something RIGHT about a country where women congregate in the morning to dance!  And the steps don’t even have to be perfect… I thought out of all my friends, you could appreciate this the most!! May you dance this morning, my friend!!

 

All these thoughts, and this email, and a few other conversations I have had lately has gotten me thinking and I came up with an idea…

I’d like to get a group of women together at a consistent time once a week (though I would expect that not everyone would be able to make it every week) to work out together but to do so in ways that would also be to worship together and walk along side each other through the special trials and triumphs that the female sex shares. Here’s what I envision… Ideally I would love it if we could all trade off leading so that each time we meet a different person leads out of their own unique strengths and the place that they are personally at with God. So, for example, if I’m leading the first time I would maybe start by leading everyone through a Celtic prayer from the prayer book and then lead through a yoga exercise and some mediation on scripture. Maybe someone else would want to take us all on a walk their week so that we could all just talk and connect and pray while also getting some exercise. Or maybe another week the person leading would feel too tired to work out and would just want to pray together or lead us through a physical prayer that we can do as well as say. Or maybe another week the person leading would feel like celebrating and really praising God and we would all just put on some loud music and dance together. I think ideally I would love it if anyone and everyone would lead at some point in some sort of way but, I also don’t want people to feel that they have to lead if they don’t want to. Really, I envision it being a place where we can stretch and strengthen our bodies as well as our minds and souls and a safe place where we can come together and “dance” together as beautiful uniquely created women – A place where we can discover truth about God and about ourselves. I would want this group to be a place where we can explore God and our physicality and ourselves as being created in God’s image in an open and generous way, and also a place where truth is spoken into our lives and lived into our lives.

 

Rejoicing in the journey -
Beth Stedman

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