Ok, so the last 2 weeks have been really hard for me and I think that they have been especially hard because I’ve felt really alone in the things that I have been going through. I think that is largely my fault. I think I have in many ways, conscious and unconscious, pulled away from people lately or only let them see little glimpses of what’s been going on in my heart. I’ve tried to focus on the good stuff and paint nice pictures for people and when things got deeper I quickly changed the subject or laughed it off. Even with Bryan. I mean, Bryan and I are definitely going through a lot together right now and we are together in it and walking through it together, but in many ways we have been dealing with it in our own ways on our own and that has added to my feeling of being alone in it.

This evening though, I had the humbling experience of twice listening to other people pray for me and my husband… it was humbling and uplifting. I deeply felt the tangible support of friends holding me and my husband and the situations we find ourselves in up to God. I remember thinking at one point tonight, “Lord, there is so much that I want to lift up to you, so many concerns and worries weighing on my heart, but they feel so heavy that I don’t think I even can lift them up to you.” And just after that someone else prayed and lifted me and the concerns of my life up to God. Twice tonight I was reminded of the story of when Aaron and Caleb (was it Caleb or someone else?) held up Moses hands because he couldn’t hold them up himself. I felt a little like that tonight. I felt bolstered, supported and held up tonight. I was reminded that I am not alone. God is with me, and he has also given me wonderful friends to walk through the journey with me. Thank you, Jesus.

I feel like this picture really sums up this post well. It’s a picture of my husband, Bryan, and our friend Mathias helping our friend’s baby, Isaiah up the slide. Isaiah loves to climb up the slide, but he’s too little to do it on his own. He needs other people to help him and push him up the slide. That’s what I felt like tonight, I felt like I needed other people to help me and push me up the slide to the throne of my King, and that is exactly what I got tonight.

And to each of my friends, here in Prague and other places around the world, thank you for supporting me. Thank you for pushing me up the slide. Forgive me for the times when I pull away from you and don’t let you into my life. Forgive me for the times when I don’t give you a chance to support me. And thank you for the ways in which you continue to pursue me and love me and lift me up.

Rejoicing in the journey - Bethany Stedman

Photograph by Beth Stedman