In stillness and silence
The stories we tell: Work & Value
We had a morning.
We weren’t exactly on the same page. We didn’t fight, we almost never fight, we just rubbed at each other wrong. It happens.
The morning moved at a fast and grumpy pace. Then, after Bryan’s blood draw, we had about an hour before he was scheduled to see the oncologist and get hooked up for today’s infusion. An hour with nothing to do and no where to be.
Stories we tell: Desire & Identity
The stories we tell ourselves matter.
I’m pretty sure I’ve written that exact sentence multiple times on this blog. Maybe more times than I can count, but I can’t stop saying it because it needs to be said. I need to hear it again and again. Because so often we don’t realize that our brains are story making machines and we don’t recognize how much that effects.
Lately, I’ve been particularly thinking about the stories I tell myself about work and money.
An overly detailed update on Wheels4Sage and getting a van
I have spent a lot of my life trying not to be what I wanted to be, trying to suppress various parts of myself. I remember in High School thinking that God must have made a mistake when making me, must have gotten some wires crossed, because something just wasn’t right.
I spent a lot of my life trying not to be the bossy little girl I was reprimanded for being as a child, trying not to be the little girl who took things too seriously and personally, who was always lost in thought, but also wasn't ever thoughtful enough about other people.
So, I’m feeling a lot of shame about the fact that I haven’t updated everyone sooner about what’s happening with Wheels4Sage post-auction and about the van hunt.
But the thing about shame is it’s a de-motivator, so the more time passed, the more shame I felt, and the more I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide rather than write the damn post. Shame is the worst, isn’t it?
Here’s the short of it:
It took us awhile to figure out what would be best for our family.