Today my little boy, my first born, turns four.  

Thaddeus made me a mama and he changed me forever. And he continues to shape me. He is a wonderfully bright, passionate, and enthusiastic child. He makes me laugh and makes my heart swell with pride. He is adorable and intelligent. He regularly surprises me and makes me marvel. He challenges me and pushes me to my knees before the throne of God. I feel honored and yet unqualified to be his mom.

Today I am trying my hand again at spoken word poetry. This time for my son.

I video taped myself saying this because, well, it is spoken word poetry - and as such, it’s meant to be spoken and not just read. But, even though this poem is for my son, I did not say it for him today. He’s four and I know that these words won’t mean a lot to him right now, but I hope that someday he will find this and watch it. Someday when he wonders what he was like as a child, when he questions and doubts my parenting and wonders why I did x, y, or z, someday when he needs to be reminded of who he is - I pray that on that day he would find this and know.

Wild You run Darting from one activity To the next Loud You yell Seeming to have only one volume And it’s always ON Determined You push your will I say right You go left I say up You go down Yes becomes No And No becomes Yes Like a wild stallion bucking against the reigns Refusing to be tamed You fight And time and time again I pull I pull in the reigns I fight back I set limits I attempt to tame And yet even as I do so I hope I fail Because someday you are going to need this fight This fire This passion This determination Someday you will be protector of those who no one else protects Defender of the hopeless Defender of the weak That is your calling Written in the stars, Written on my heart when you were but a seed in my womb Written into your very name Thaddeus Thaddeus -  strong heart Courageous heart The Lion Hearted And as the stag bucks the lion roars Roar on sweet boy Roar on for the injustice of an early bed time And the injustice of the child left alone Roar, Roar in protection of those who cannot protect themselves Roar for the child who is teased who is hurt who is orphaned Alone Let your passionate heart roar Roar on I don’t know how I don’t know how you will become that Lion Hearted protector, What twists and turns your path may take, But I am certain More certain than anything else that your path will lead you to protecting others And I know something Something vital We can’t protect others if we are unwilling to fight We cannot protect Without having some of the wild stallion left in us To protect We must be willing to Buck the system Willing to look the oppressor in the eye and roar “This far you shall come and no farther!” No farther We can’t protect if we are tame, If we are broken And honestly I long At this time To tame To break To domesticate you But I do not wish for you to be broken in the time to come I do not wish for you to enter the path ahead of you too tame to act upon your calling And so I pick my battles Sometimes letting you win So that you know You can So that you know You were made to win Sometimes letting your yes mean more than my no And your no mean more than my yes So that you know Your voice has power So that you never doubt the value in the voice of another I don’t want to raise a son who thinks he’s entitled to The world But I do want to raise a son who knows he’s entitled to his dignity His voice And that others are entitled to there’s And I pray I pray earnestly For it is only through the hand of a loving God That we will both emerge from This season This period of young childhood Unscathed Unbruised Unbroken

Rejoicing in the journey, Bethany Stedman