When we first put Thad in school it didn't go great. I had picked out this beautiful Montessori school and thought he would love it. Instead he screamed and threw tantrums everyday when I left. People told me it was normal and part of the process of learning how to separate. They told me it would stop if I waited it out. I knew in my gut something wasn't right but I listened to those who said it would stop. It didn't. He cried every day for 3 months. Then a dear friend gave me permission to listen to my own intuition. 

She said "Do you feel peace about the school he's in right now?"

"No," I replied right away.

"Well, then you need to listen to that and find something you can feel peace about." 

I pulled Thad out of school and put him in a little one room Montessori preschool down the street. He still complained sometimes about going to school but he didn't cry when I left and I didn't feel that pit in my stomach. We had peace. 

We had a similar experience when we first put Sage into school and again I had to learn to listen to my intuition and follow peace. We pulled her out of the first school we tried within two days. When we did finally put Sage back in school we ended up with the best teacher and team I ever could have imagined for her. I felt amazing peace about leaving her. 

All this past summer I have again been wrestling with school decisions.

I knew I didn't feel good about keeping Thad at the school he's been at for the past three years. It's a good school and we've been well cared for there, but I knew the 2nd grade teacher there wouldn't be a good fit for him.

We looked at other schools. I toured other schools. I even started filling out an application for another school, but couldn't bring myself to finish it. A few weeks ago I was wrestling through the decision with a friend and she gave me again the same advice I had heard from that other friend so long ago when I first put Thad in school. 

Sometimes I'm a slow learner. 

She said, "You just have to go with whatever option you feel the most peace about."

At that moment I realized I didn't feel peace about ANY of the options we were looking at. A few days later I learned about online elementary schools.

Thaddeus has been asking to homeschool ever since he found out homeschooling existed, but I didn't think I had it in me. I just didn't think I could do it with everything else in my life. But I was intrigued by online schools and started looking into it. I liked the idea of him still having a teacher and someone else he'd be accountable to rather than just me.

And as I started looking into it more I felt peace, a lot of peace. 

But I didn't think Bryan would ever go for it - especially right now while he's in so much pain. Doing online school would mean no break for us and we really like having breaks from our kids. 

When I told Bryan about the idea he surprised me, though.

"I like it. I think it would be good for Thad," He said. So, we decided to look into it some more. 

Soon after that conversation we made the decision that Bryan would enter a cancer trial at UCLA and we would go back and forth between AZ and CA for weekly treatments for at least the next 3 months. That sealed it. We enrolled this week in Arizona Virtual Academy through K12. 

So far we've been impressed with the whole process. They communicated with us clearly and often throughout the registration period. The schedule is fairly flexible and they individualize the curriculum for each student through regular evaluations and conversations with the parents. His teacher called and introduced herself on Friday and was very nice and very understanding about the need for flexibility in our schedule as we're traveling. This weekend three boxes arrived on our doorstep filled with books and other school supplies. Thaddeus loved exploring all the different supplies and was especially excited about the things they sent for science experiments. 

I know it might not work out. I might not feel peace about it a month from now, but for right now it's clearly the next best step. So we're taking it. 

If you're struggling with that unsettled feeling in your gut about your kids schooling let me do for you what my friends did for me and give you permission to pursue peace. Listen to your intuition. You know your kids better than anyone. 

You don't have to stick with something because it looks good on paper, or because everyone else is going there, or because it's exactly the type of school you dreamed about for your kid, or because it's where they've always gone. Follow peace, friends, that's it. Follow peace. 

I'm also learning that intuition is not always rational. Taking Thad back and forth with us to UCLA and adding teaching him to my already full list of caregiver activities doesn't make sense in many ways. But, I know it's right for us for right now. Following intuition, following peace, following that still small voice of the Spirit, hasn't always been easy in the past, and it hasn't always been rational, but I can look back and see how the rational choice hasn't always served me, but the intuitive choice has led me to good, time and time again. 

We'll try to document our own online school journey a bit more along the way for any of you interested. 

Grace and peace,

Bethany