My Kitchen’s a Mess But My Bread Basket is Full

“I can’t do it all.” The words sound like a broken record rolling off my tongue – I’ve heard them so often – I’ve said them so often. I am fully aware of the fact that I can’t do it all. I have heard it time and time again. I know that we are finite and our time is finite. But, why do I still feel guilty when I can’t get it all done? Why do I still feel guilty when my kitchen is a mess and there are toys all over my living room, even when I baked all morning and my bread basket is full?

Even though I know that I can’t do it all, I still WANT to do it all. I still hate that I can’t do it all and every day I fight against my own limitations. I fight to try. I know that I can’t do it all but I still try to do it all – some days I even plan to do it all. I plan on doing the dishes, picking up the house, getting all the laundry done, making three healthy homemade meals, taking care of my son, spending time with my husband, reading and commenting on blogs, writing blogs, responding to emails, working on the book I’m writing, watering the plants, and on and on and on. Instead of accepting my limitations, embracing them and striving for the attainable, I put everything imaginable on my to-do list and strive for the unachievable. I sabotage myself.

And then when the dishes don’t get done, I haven’t showered in three days, and the laundry isn’t finished I get depressed. I feel like a failure. I am flooded with guilt. And with the guilt comes hopelessness. When I begin to focus on all that I have NOT accomplished I become overwhelmed and paralyzed, and I forget to focus on all that I HAVE accomplished.

What if instead of focusing on my failures I began to focus on my successes? If focusing on the fact that I didn’t do the dishes today (or most of this week) brings guilt, would focusing on my successes (however small they may be) bring encouragement and motivation? If focusing on my failures makes me feel hopeless, would focusing on my little triumphs make me feel hopeful? That’s what I need today and good dose of HOPE. Do you?

So here’s my little list of successes for today:

I made sourdough zucchini and apple muffins
I made meatball subs for dinner completely from scratch (I made the bread, sauce and meatballs)
I went to the post office
I went to the BIO store (Czech version of a health food store)
I made the bed
I spent yet another day nursing my baby on demand and playing, reading and singing with him
I spent time with my husband and had some really nice talks with him about life and work
I read a few blog posts
I talked with my mom for a bit and made some plans for our trip back to the states this summer
I wrote this blog and took these pictures

Ok, maybe it’s not that much, but it’s something. I can’t do it all, but I can do some things. I choose today to focus on the things I have accomplished instead of focusing on my failures. I’m not a bad homemaker, just an imperfect one – but aren’t we all?