Teach me to "like my own skin"
I think you all should know something about me…I’m not as cool in real life as I may seem on my blog. In writing I can be knowledgeable and confident. I can communicate my thoughts, opinions and passions clearly. I am coherent and articulate. Far too often, in real life I am awkward and uncomfortable, insecure and withdraw. It’s not that I am a different person “in real life” it’s just that in many situations I freeze and clam-up. This especially happens when I’m in groups of people that I feel slightly intimidated by. I hate this about myself.
Why is that? Why do I de-value myself so much that I truly believe I have nothing to contribute to a group of people? Why is it that I love public speaking, and will happily write on a wide variety of topics, but if put on the spot, unscheduled and unprepared, I start to sweat? Why is it that I can feel fairly comfortable in most one-on-one settings, but throw even just one more person into the group and suddenly I feel pressure and the conversation quickly passes me by?
It doesn’t always happen, but it happens enough to frustrate me. Like last Sunday… I blog about mommy topics – food, health, kids, parenting, faith, etc. But, when surrounded by other mom’s in the nursery with all of my favorite topics to write about coming up in conversation I froze and found myself completely without words. What is that?
I hate this about myself. It’s something I’ve hated about myself for a long time, but tonight as I read this post from Holy Experience I decided it was high time to start praying for a change.
Lord, teach me to “like my own skin.” Teach me what a wonder it is that I am made in Your image. Fill me so completely with your love for me that I am so full that there is no more room to seek to please others or feel intimidated by them. Give me a new vision of my place in Your world that I may confidently speak, and move, and be myself with boldness, wherever I may go. Teach me to value that which you have put in me. Teach me to value myself – not because I am worth, for, in truth, I am nothing without you, but teach me to value myself because you are worth and you have clothed me with yourself. In Jesus precious name, Amen.
Does anyone else struggle with this? If so, what has helped you?
Rejoicing in the Journey - Bethany Stedman